£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Chrystal

XSpender wrote: »

Happy new year. I hope all is well and hope to ‘see’ you in 2019 x

Seconded by me. XX

Treadingonplaymobil

Hello friends! Thank you all so much for the comments and messages checking that all is ok at TOPM HQ. The last three months of 2018 were riddled with illness and extreme levels of busy and I had to make a conscious decision to quit some things until life got back on a more even footing. I'm still ill (sinus infection this time, for a change!) but the cusp of a new year seemed a good time to pop on and update you all with my plans for 2019.

It's been an interesting few weeks, as illness has come and gone and I've been forced to really look at where we're prioritising time and energy (and, as an extension of that, money and the spending or saving of it). I've done some serious thinking about money, my mindset around it and the way in which we've been tackling our debt/finances/lifestyle. My (And our, as a family) general level of contentment with the way we've been living has been getting worse and worse for the past year or more.

The tighter I pulled our purse strings, the more I hung on to every penny, the more negatively I felt about every pound that came both into and out of our lives, the further my contentment and satisfaction with the way we live fell. I resented spending money, I resented doing anything in case we found we had to spend money while we did it and I resented the time I spent earning money because I couldn't choose what we spent it doing because it was all reserved for essentials. We were surviving, not living to our fullest, and an attitude of meanness and scarcity was affecting our every move. I wouldn't necessarily go as far as to say I was depressed, but DH and I have definitely both struggled with feeling as happy as we have in previous years, in a real core centre of our being sort of way, not just a superficial 'life is tricky for a little while here and we need to power through' way.

I also accepted that our debt is not down to me being a terrible person. It's not down to us living the high life for years. It's down to one or two core bad decisions we made as a family (expensive training for me in an industry which had a low income ceiling because I didn't have the confidence to earn through my writing, committing to expensive childcare and expensive rent) when we didn't have the money to pay for them. Everything else came in a spiral after that, and it wasn't frivolity. It was trying to live a semi-decent life when our core household outgoings outstripped our income. We didn't go to cafes weekly or splash out on holidays. We just didn't have the spare for anything because we had made a couple of core expensive and bad decisions.

I finally had a LBM, not of the sort that is usually discussed on here, not of saving more, of cutting back, of overpaying debt by scraping here and there for extra pennies and pounds and watching our debt free date inch closer agonisingly slowly. Instead it has been a LBM of 'is this it? Is this how I want to spend the remainder of my children's time at home (because DC1, at least, will have left home before we clear the debt at our current rate of progress)? And the answer was a big fat resounding NO. So I looked at the variables, at how I spend my time, my energy, DH's work, our family time and our general priorities, and chose something different.

Put simply, I'm going to earn more. I've had enough of scraping £10k, 11k, £8k each year. I'm going to earn a real income, while doing work that I love (so no, I'm not about to go and get an office job). I've avoided ever thinking about earning more during the debt repayment process thus far, because to do so in a way that wouldn't compromise my mental health entirely meant (a) shutting down the very limited income streams I have and throwing myself heart and soul into the website I set up and (b) investing some money in getting it off the ground. It also meant trusting that because I made a bad choice once about training for a limited income career, that I won't do that every time I invest in my career.

I've talked here before about my website and earning some money off it, but the fact is it isn't going to happen at any stage in the next five years without me forking something out to get it to the stage of being able to earn money rather than inching there slowly. And it definitely isn't going to happen while I'm trying to maintain a paltry income stream that takes up 80% of my working hours.

So I'm ditching everything apart from my core contract work so I have a small income coming in, and investing a chunk of money, agreed between DH and I, in a business which I know I have the passion and expertise to make decent money in.

You'll notice I'm not filling this post with 'and if it doesn't work I'll do this' or 'and here's how we'll manage our budget during this time' and that's because I am genuinely 100% confident in my business and its prospects. I have the skills and ability to make it work and I'm perfectly happy that it will. I finally feel like we have a life of abundant income, prospects and joy ahead of us, rather than an endless drudge of going 'well this is being a grown up then, better suck it up and crack on until we get to have a rest in our late retirement.'

I don't know how that will affect my diary here. I have always found this place a hugely important part of my journey and the endless support of so many of you has kept me going through the worst of days (months!), but I have struggled over the almost two years I've been posting here with the mindset of posters who believe that there is one 'right' way to a good debt free life and one 'right' view of how that life should look, and the instant criticism if I broach the idea of doing things even slightly differently. This has led to me losing confidence in my internal compass telling me the best way for me and my family to tackle this journey.

I want to keep posting here because I so hope I will give someone else who feels 'hang on, this isn't the right solution for me' the confidence to go about this process in the way that works for them, not necessarily using the way dictated by received wisdom (which I fully accept works for many, many people), but equally I don't know how I feel about the inevitable criticism I will receive for not doing the 'right' things. I would so love to hear whether you'd be interested in my 'non-standard' process for debt repayment and working towards a good, sustainable, joyful and (relevant to this forum) wealthy life. In terms of this non standard process, a few of the ideas I'm working through just now include:
1. buying good quality food, including abundant fresh goods, so we can look after ourselves first and have the energy to keep going with the work we have chosen to do. To menu plan to avoid waste without getting obsessive about the penny cost of each item. I am expecting this to look like an organic fruit and veg box delivery and a regular supermarket delivery of longer dated items.
2. Not feeling ashamed of needing a space to work in that I love. Doing what I need to do to creat a small space for me within a house with an awful lot going on in it this year. Also not feeling ashamed if I sometimes have to work in a cafe, with the attendant costs, as the build goes on.
3. Investing money in a business I have total faith in. Spending my energy on that business in a wholehearted way.
4. Not scraping out extra work minutes to earn a pound more here or there. Also not scrabbling for time to do surveys etc to earn an extra 50p when my children are around or I am having down time in the evenings - I am either working or I am not working, I am not trying to divide my time.
5. Being aware of the debt reducing without fixating on pennies or pounds. Celebrating the sliding process of debt reduction without fixating on that scarcity of money which has me counting extra pence here and there.

There's probably more, but those spring to mind just now.

Once again, I'm so grateful to all of you who take the time to comment and support me here. You are all awesome.

debtaghh

Lovely to hear from you and I completely understand what you mean. Good luck!

dfwprincess

I'd still be interested in your diary, from reading lots of diaries in the past few months from beginning to end there's no right way or wrong way to clear the debt. You have to do what fits your family and circumstances, and at present this is the route you want to go down.

You have to come first, it's something we all tell others to do but not something we all actually do ourselves.

Good luck on your new venture, happy 2019 and I hope you carry on posting.

All the best x

Fla603

Long time lurker here, glad you are back! I have missed your writing and would urge you to continue if it adds some benefit to YOUR life. I also have debt but it is imo “affordable” debt. I can make all my repayments and do not live with anxiety that my house of cards will fall down any second, therefore I don’t have the same stringent opinions as others on here. Everyone has costs of living. I am glad however that you have found an income stream that is both emotionally and financially rewarding!
I wish you and your family a Happy and Healthy New Year and look forward to reading more of your journey!

System

It's great to hear from you , I for one am clearing my debt my way , I live a good life but I know if I counted every penny meticulously I would fail , so I am with you on that.

At the end of the day , you deal with your debt the right way for you and your family and if it doesn't fall in with other people then they need to pass your diary by.

Have a great TOPM new year . I hope you do carry on posting as you write so well .

Cumbria x

mfmaybe

Good to see you back posting, glad everyone is on the mend, sort of!

I enjoy reading your diary and am far more invested in your success than really befits a stranger on t'internet...! Whichever way you pay off the debt has to be sustainable. I admire that you've stuck to your principles, and you've always been very honest and polite in the face of challenge. I know it must have been hard to hear, but I suspect you needed that much repetition in the early days. I'm sure you recognise that it couldn't go on like that. Now it will feel like loosening your belt again, but I would encourage you to keep posting as, whatever way you dress it up, outgoings need to be less than income to get the debt paid off. It's surprisingly easy to lose sight of that!

Even if you decide not to post regularly, please do keep us up to date with it all. I'm looking forward to the day you have it all down to zero

apple_muncher

:T:T:TGo Team TOPM!!:T:T:T

Honeybug

Go for it! The old method clearly didnt work for you and I admire you for recognising that and having the courage to change course.

Keep posting, we have all missed you

DawnW

Glad you are ok, and planning for the future