Physical contact/intimacy in long term relationships

Guest101

Daffodilly wrote: »

Believe me, I know how it sounds, that's why I'm here questioning myself! I don't necessarily feel that I need validation and definitely not constant, just that a precedent had been set for our relationship, mainly by him and that's now changed. Obviously things have changed over time and I know and expect that, I was just questioning to what extent is normal.

How are you supposed to know whether your relationship is more romantic than platonic if neither of you is showing it occasionally? Do you just accept that that's what happens? Perhaps the answer is yes.

Regardless, I've completely backed off anyway and am questioning my own behaviour.

I don't think that being platonic in the day-to-day ends the romance. It's just that other priorities take over.

gabriel1980

Been with Fianc!e for 10 years (getting married next year) and the lack of intimacy used to be a problem for me. She's just not very tactile, but after discussing this at length she has become more touchy feely. Sex a couple of times a week and we do hug and kiss a lot. People are different and every relationship is different, but you will need to talk to him.


The comment about not sure what he wants, sound like more than intimacy issues however.

jamiehelsinki

I personally couldn't be in a relationship where there was a lack of sex/intimacy etc, but the problem might be the age gap as well, testorone levels etc might be dropping!

Gloomendoom

jamiehelsinki wrote: »

but the problem might be the age gap as well, testorone levels etc might be dropping!

He's only in his thirties for goodness sake!

System

Once the intimacy has gone its hard work to get it back. By intimacy i mean touchy feely stuff like hand holding, hugging, cuddling etc. Not impossible but hard.

PeacefulWaters

Changes in behaviour can mean there's someone else.

Or a million other things.

Just_a_Girl_2

I'm 38 and I've been with my fiance for 6 years - we've lived together for most of that time.

We still kiss each other every morning when we wake up and every night before we fall asleep. If he meets me from work, we kiss each other to say hello and we kiss often throughout the day, just little pecks on the lips. We hold hands when we're out walking, we sit next to each other on the settee and each of us will give the other a fond squeeze or rub of the leg, cuddle up, etc.


Weekend mornings when neither of us have work, we always lie and cuddle for a while before we get up (We do the same during the week but have less time so usually only for 10 mins or so)


Sex is 4-5 times per week most weeks, rarely less than 3 times.

Primrose

I think some people have to learn how to be tactile and how to show affection if it's not normally in their nature. It sounds as if your OH is going through a particularly distracted period and ifhis lack of affection seems more acute than normal you need to ask him why. It may be another relationship which is attracting him, a work distraction or just generally a feeling that he is stuck in a rut and life has lost much of its earlier excitement. Tell him how his lack of demonstrative affection hurts you and makes you feel insecure. Ask him why he thinks this is no longer happening and don,t be brushed aside u til you have an answer, even if he tells you things you don,t want to hear. Have you possibly put on a lot of weight recently which he might find physically unattractive for example?

We have been married over 40 years. We are good friends which helps any relationship and we daily try to show each other affection and say how much we appreciate all the other person does within our marriage. Affectionate marriages and relationships don't just happen. You have to work at them on a daily basis until the nicer, more appreciative behaviours become a natural part of your relationship.

jamiehelsinki

Gloomendoom wrote: »

He's only in his thirties for goodness sake![/QUOTE
]

It will have slowed down a bit, at 32 I could run a 5k in 17:20 now pushing 40 I struggle to break 20 minutes with the same level of training.
At 30 I enjoyed playing football, at 35 I give up as I was crap and a liability.
I can say honestly I don't have the same sex drive as I did in my 20's, I still have one but I don't want it constantly any more, even now in a very new relationship 2/3 times per week is enough for me, 10 years in to my last relationship I wanted if every day!

It's all down to testosterone!

Gloomendoom

jamiehelsinki wrote: »

t's all down to testosterone!

I'm sure I read a research report a while back that suggested that testosterone levels directly affected the ability to perform (as you have found), but not the urge to do it.