Derek's story

VfM4meplse

LameWolf wrote: »

Not do-able. I am telephone-phobic to the extent that if Mr LW is using the phone, I leave the room.
Also - who would I natter to? And what does one natter about? I never developed the art of small-talk.

It doesn't have to be trivial. Find a point of common interest and take it from there.

LameWolf

The fact remains, I don't have anyone I could phone for a "natter", even if I had the courage to do so.
My phone list consists of GP, optician, audiologist, emergency numbers for energy, water etc, and the dog-sitting company that I'm a Carer for.
I don't have RL friends to call on; and I have no family other than Mr LW.

It actually frightens me that if anything happened to Mr LW, I'd be well and truly up !!!!!! creek without a paddle, as I'd be completely on my own, with no help (I'm disabled, and Mr LW is my sole Carer).

suki1964

LameWolf wrote: »

Not do-able. I am telephone-phobic to the extent that if Mr LW is using the phone, I leave the room.
Also - who would I natter to? And what does one natter about? I never developed the art of small-talk.

I'm with you on that. I can't do phones either

Can't remember the last time I actually made a phone call

I've even had the BT line removed and my mobile phone is on the lowest tariff and I think I use on average 10 mins a month

I haven't spoken to anyone on the phone other then DH , the doctors, dentist etc in years


The only reason I have a mobile is because I use it for the net.

Farway

Just had a read through, I to am not lonely, but preahps this is because I am a volunteer with Age Concern [not all are Age UK], not as a befriender though, like some others on here I do not do "small talk", plus as bloke it seems males have common trait of say what you have to and then shut up, just pass on the info and that's it

The point I am getting around to I help run a genealogy group, mixed gender of members, the woman chat and the blokes banter, seems to work and for many it is the one day of the week they meet others, without any commitment or expectations

Check out Men's Shed, which helps men get out of the house and do something with their hands and brains just working on "stuff"

[Deleted User]

Fantastic site Farway I bet you have a great time there I saw something about it on tv last year and It looked just the thing :) enjoy , genealogy is a great hobby I have been doing it since 1976 and to me its like a big jigsaw puzzle that you never get to the end of, my tree now spans 43 A4 pages

Nargleblast

LameWolf wrote: »

The fact remains, I don't have anyone I could phone for a "natter", even if I had the courage to do so.
My phone list consists of GP, optician, audiologist, emergency numbers for energy, water etc, and the dog-sitting company that I'm a Carer for.
I don't have RL friends to call on; and I have no family other than Mr LW.

It actually frightens me that if anything happened to Mr LW, I'd be well and truly up !!!!!! creek without a paddle, as I'd be completely on my own, with no help (I'm disabled, and Mr LW is my sole Carer).

LameWolf, I don't want to sound morbid, but you are already thinking the unthinkable, so now is the time to look into possible avenues of support in case you find yourself alone. Better make plans now than wait until the worst happens. Best prepare for the worst possible scenario while you can, because if you don't you may find yourself having solutions thrust on you that you don't like and have no control over.

VfM4meplse

Age UK has created this interesting dashboard of wellbeing for later life:

PasturesNew

LameWolf wrote: »

I have no family other than Mr LW.

It actually frightens me that if anything happened to Mr LW, I'd be well and truly up !!!!!! creek without a paddle, as I'd be completely on my own, with no help (I'm disabled, and Mr LW is my sole Carer).

In my opinion, family history is a great "hobby" for people in your position - you'd be surprised to discover who is quite local to you - or at least available to swap notes etc as you discover the tree.

There's you/him ... you had parents - they might've had siblings. They had parents, they might've had siblings... and then there are downlines for that lot.

It's a growing thing as it's "so easy" to find these people for free and online.

My own 2nd cousin does hers - her father died when she was 7 so never really knew him, so her motivation was to discover who her dad was. He had been married before and had a family - and my 2nd cousin discovered the youngest daughter of her father's first marriage was still alive, aged nearly 90, thoroughly active/mobile AND within 2 miles of where "all the family mostly lived until WW2", which was an area she visited annually - so she added this old lady, her half sister, to her visit list!

You might not discover people for coffee/help, but you might become connected to distant family with a shared interest and somebody to swap "finds" with online.

My aunt has emailed me this week to say that she's been in touch, for the first time ever, with her half-sister's daughter. My dad/aunt's father had an adult family when he was widowed and remarried. His first 2 daughters and his new family never mingled.... and so my aunt's met not only her "half niece", but that half niece's family.... and they want to meet me one day.

Just this week on Who Do You Think You Are - Greg/comedian wanted to find out who his grandmother's father was. She'd been born illegitimately. He found out - and then he found out that his gt-grandfather had another illegitimate daughter (the granny's sister, by the same man), but was already married to another woman and had another baby .... and then left the area and had more kids - and then the programme got Greg to meet his grandmother's half sister, born in 1928.... who had NO idea that her father had had two illegitimate children.

LameWolf

Nargleblast wrote: »

LameWolf, I don't want to sound morbid, but you are already thinking the unthinkable, so now is the time to look into possible avenues of support in case you find yourself alone. Better make plans now than wait until the worst happens. Best prepare for the worst possible scenario while you can, because if you don't you may find yourself having solutions thrust on you that you don't like and have no control over.

Trust me, I am very aware of this. I just hope and pray that I kick the bucket first, because other that being at the mercy of Social Services, there is nowhere else for me to turn.

PN I have absolutely zero interest in finding out anything about my blood relatives. My family were a toxic bunch at best, I have had no contact with any of them for 15 years and have no intention of trying to locate any others.
Plus there's the little problem of there being some doubt as to whether the man on my birth certificate actually was my biological father. (I actually hope he wasn't, but won't pursue it, lest I be disappointed).

PasturesNew

LameWolf wrote: »

... biological father...

There are tests for that these days - although they're a bit pricey at the moment, but in a few years' time they'll get cheaper no doubt. You might find somebody "better"

I've found some right old "interesting stuff". My gt-gf went to prison for nicking a neighbour's chickens just before Xmas 110 years ago - leaving my gt-gm at Xmas with my grandmother a 6 month old baby.

Then there was the bigamist - his wife turned up in court to say he knew she hadn't died. He was also the black market merchant in the war....

Then there were the sad bits, like my gt-gm's sisters twins - one burnt to death when coals spat into her cot when she was about 2 months old and she died.

You really get into it - and as they're all dead you never have to meet them

It is rivetting once you get past the current generation. I've a loathesome lot too... mum moved 300 miles from her home town and never even told her brothers.

I've also found mum's two half-sisters she never knew about (couldn't tell her as she'd died by then).

There's all sorts when you dig around. I think earlier today I found another bigamist, although it's unproven and the new wifey died after 1 year anyway .... so that might just be made up rubbish.

I am currently seeking a pirate-type I've got a ship's captain who was robbed of his watch/money (quite a bit) - and they were caught and transported for 20 years; the piratey type was allegedly his line upwards a bit more.

And I've just found the marriage of my naughty journeyman tailor GG-grandfather, who took somebody's cloth, but never made him his suit and "thought it was hilarious to take it and not make it".

They're all in there...