Bad idea not to mention child in divorce papers? Am i being naive?

lobbyludd

since my divorce the process has changed so that the court doesn't have to agree that arrangements for the children hae been made in order to grant the divorce. I've no idea the timing and impact now of the financial settlement/order. So if I were you I'd pop over to wikivorce and ask them how it works now and whether this would have any impact.

Angry_Bear

paddy's_mum wrote: »

There is no formal agreement as to the arrangements. How does the OP enforce something not backed by an (implied or actual) order of a court?

I don't understand how that relates to the bit of my post you've quoted? Maybe I'm being stupid. Are you suggesting that he might choose to not pay half costs or see their child 50% of the time in future? Surely exactly the same applies from his perspective vs her - maybe she should be paying maintenance to him "just in case"?

NEITHER of them have certainty about the future without a court agreement, only they can decide whether an informal amicable agreement is right for them or not.

I genuinely don't understand why you think he should be paying maintenance and is "vindictive" for not doing so - regardless of whether they decide to add childcare into their divorce proceedings.

Mojisola

Hag wrote: »

Ex wants to submit divorce papers ourselves but DOES NOT want to mention our son. He claims its because we have an amicable agreement at present and he just wants to be legally divorced. I

He can be a vicious and vindictive man on occassion and I'm worried I'm being misled.

Don't take his word for anything.

Read up what you can - sites like http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ are useful and get your own legal advice.

anna_1977

I would definitely wanthim mentioned in the divorce papers!
My divorce was a few years ago but i am sure there was a section asking about dependants.
Maintenance needs to be included in your financial order, or in my opinion should be - even if it's a minimum payment of £1 a month on condition it's 50/50 care - if that changes down the line and you end up caring for your son 100% of the time you may need to claim maintenance.

I find it very odd he doesn't want your son mentioned - just very careful

Have you sought legal advice at all - even a free half hour consultation with a local solicitors, I think for you it might be worth it.

We did a DIY divorce, he chose now to have a solicitor, I chose to. It was a godsend when he decided to stop paying maintenance for our 18 year old even though she was still in college as I had all the correct working in the financial order that without legal advice I would not have had

jamiehelsinki

I can't see the benefit of this myself, he doesn't sound like the type of dad who's avoiding responsibility for his son in any way it sounds like he's trying to keep as much contact as possible.

If the care is shared then maybe the child benefit should be split?

Why would he pay maintenance if he shares care with you?

Rachylou1981

I don't know the system either so forgive me if I'm way off but a thought occurred to me about why to leave children out of this:

Could it be because he is going to try and keep some of his assets himself without you or your child claiming a stake on them? i.e. pension, inheritance. So if the child is not named as a dependent, the agreement cannot be referred back to in the future?

Person_one

Guest101 wrote: »

because he may be a decent human being?

Then why would he have a problem with acknowledging his child?

Guest101

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

I don't know the system either so forgive me if I'm way off but a thought occurred to me about why to leave children out of this:

Could it be because he is going to try and keep some of his assets himself without you or your child claiming a stake on them? i.e. pension, inheritance. So if the child is not named as a dependent, the agreement cannot be referred back to in the future?

children couldn't claim in a divorce anyway.


and no-one is 'entitled' to an inheritance.

Guest101

Person_one wrote: »

Then why would he have a problem with acknowledging his child?

I suspect it's because court ordered access is usually not very good and he is afraid he will lose contact with this child.

Person_one

Guest101 wrote: »

I suspect it's because court ordered access is usually not very good and he is afraid he will lose contact with this child.

Sorry, but come on! He has 50/50 shared care and he's scared that the mere mention of the child's existence on the divorce paperwork will put him at risk of losing contact altogether? No chance.