Bad idea not to mention child in divorce papers? Am i being naive?

Hag

Hi everyone. My husband is about to commence divorce proceedings. We have 1 child together and I have 2 from a previous relationship (who he has no contact with since the split- his choice despite raising them for 7 years, but I digress). We currently have an agreement where we split time with our son 50:50 (ish). He refuses to pay anything in maintenance but we seem to be splitting costs equally (uniform, swimming lessons etc).

Ex wants to submit divorce papers ourselves but DOES NOT want to mention our son. He claims its because we have an amicable agreement at present and he just wants to be legally divorced. I'm fine with this but am concerned I'm missing something....

I am considered primary carer at present and definitely want that to continue. Our son dislikes the 50:50 and wants to be at home more with his siblings. We've agreed to continue shared care for the present but will the divorce have any baring on the potential to change this and my being primary carer? I can see things potentially deteriorating in the future, particularly as i may relocate in a few years time; any advice on this too?

Basically, am I disadvantaged if I agree to not include soon in divorce papers. He can be a vicious and vindictive man on occassion and I'm worried I'm being misled.

Thanks so much :beer:

peachyprice

It's been a long time since I divorced, but I thought you HAD to put details of provisions for the children on the forms, he can't pretend his child doesn't exist!

I'm sure we just put that were sharing care 50/50, no more details that that.

Hag

The guidance notes ask for childrens details, but says its for statistical purposes (!?) and not essential...

Savvy_Sue

Hag wrote: »

Basically, am I disadvantaged if I agree to not include soon in divorce papers. He can be a vicious and vindictive man on occassion and I'm worried I'm being misled.

Given what you say here, I would make sure that whatever you do is the right thing for you.

Ames

I don't know about the divorce itself but the child will have a big impact on the financial settlement. Since you'd have to mention him there then you might as well mention him in the divorce.

Perhaps your ex is trying to get a financial settlement more favourable to himself?

paddy's_mum

Almost without exception in this life I have found that the instant something is hidden, grave suspicion is justified and usually vindicated.

I would not agree to keep such an elemental fact hidden from the authorities especially when suggested by a vindictive man who has already refused to pay maintenance - don't tell me that any man in this day and age hasn't heard of child support!

What's he going to do, when you refuse to sign the paperwork, that he isn't already aware of and half planning for?

Here's the question - how does acknowledging the child damage your husband? I can't think of any legitimate reason.... it's not going to cause type 2 diabetes, or make all his teeth suddenly fall out or alter his chances of winning a lottery prize or magically change the colour of his car.

So why the silence and the pressure on you to go along with something you know to be not "the whole truth and nothing but the truth"? It's called 'the vantage ground of honesty' and in your shoes, I wouldn't be budged from it.

Good luck.

Angry_Bear

While I would agree that "hiding" something is usually a sign of something nefarious going on, given this:

Hag wrote: »

We currently have an agreement where we split time with our son 50:50 (ish).... we seem to be splitting costs equally (uniform, swimming lessons etc).

I don't understand why you would say this:

paddy's_mum wrote: »

a vindictive man who has already refused to pay maintenance

If they're splitting time with their child 50/50 and paying equally for everyday items, why should he pay maintenance?

Without any more knowledge of the situation it's impossible to know, or even make a good guess, but is it possible that he wants to have full custody of your child and thinks this will be easier if you're not named as PWC in any divorce proceedings? (This might not be how it works, I don't have any knowledge of the system.)

glentoran99

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Given what you say here, I would make sure that whatever you do is the right thing for you.

and what is right for the child

-taff

Is it amicable? If he's not paying maintenance, I doubt it.

I'd mention it.

paddy's_mum

Angry_Bear wrote: »

If they're splitting time with their child 50/50 and paying equally for everyday items, why should he pay maintenance?

There is no formal agreement as to the arrangements. How does the OP enforce something not backed by an (implied or actual) order of a court?

Guest101

paddy's_mum wrote: »

There is no formal agreement as to the arrangements. How does the OP enforce something not backed by an (implied or actual) order of a court?

because he may be a decent human being?