Not religious but love feeling at Church

System

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I know someone who struggles with this. Says she likes the people (most of them!) at Church, but sometimes doesn't want to go or can't go for 4-5 weeks, and when she does go, there's always someone who says 'haven't seen you here for a while, is everything OK? Hello stranger.' Which roughly translated means 'why have you not been for 5 weeks?' They can dress it up as concern, but they're questioning why you have not been for 5 weeks; that's the long and short of it.

She also says that the vicar and several others who are very regular and do readings in Church etc, are ALWAYS asking people to do the flowers, do the teas, clean the church, tend the gardens etc. It seems some people at the Church are not happy with people attending every few weeks.

I understand the scriptures behind this :

Hebrews 10:25
not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Romans 10:17
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.

but on the other hand the bible says of its followers.

Matthew 11.30
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Well what with the regular meetings one was 'encouraged' to attend, creche duties, church cleaning, outreach activities as well as the simple Sunday services (twice on a Sunday) it didnt seem very light to me.

Coupled with 5 kids, a home, husband who i only saw every 10 days on a weekend. Everything was a chore. I did it for 15 years but would be in no rush to repeat the experience.

However, i am in awe of churches, not so much the simple Norman style churches but the perpendicular built gothic style of church. Yes i was sad enough to go into the different styles and age periods of churches many years ago.

fierystormcloud

Judi wrote: »

I understand the scriptures behind this :

Hebrews 10:25
not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Romans 10:17
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.

but on the other hand the bible says of its followers.

Matthew 11.30
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Well what with the regular meetings one was 'encouraged' to attend, creche duties, church cleaning, outreach activities as well as the simple Sunday services (twice on a Sunday) it didnt seem very light to me.

Coupled with 5 kids, a home, husband who i only saw every 10 days on a weekend. Everything was a chore. I did it for 15 years but would be in no rush to repeat the experience.

However, i am in awe of churches, not so much the simple Norman style churches but the perpendicular built gothic style of church. Yes i was sad enough to go into the different styles and age periods of churches many years ago.

This is one of the problems with Church, and one I have heard several people complain about. With some people, it's not good enough to just pop to Church every 4-6 weeks for a prayer and a sing song, as many people there expect you to attend more regularly, and join in with many more things; both in the Church, and outside, like prayer groups, women's groups, Sunday school, and messy Church and so on.

I don't buy this 'they're probably just concerned as to why you haven't been and wonder if you're ok' line. I have heard from at least 4 or 5 people that they feel 'quizzed' and a bit harangued when people comment, as it comes over in a 'questioning' manner... 'are you OK? You haven't been for a while,' 'is everything all right?' ...' And they stand there and wait for an explanation. I don't get people quizzing why I haven't been to the pub for 4 weeks!

Upshot is, some people at Church want you to join in everything to get you into the Church community. I know several people who have withdrawn because of the pressure from the Church and the coercive ways some of them have to try and get you to do way more/join in way more.

Someone said to a friend of mine 'well people have to join in and help or the Church can't/won't be able to run.' So she said she would rather withdraw than feel she has to do stuff she has no time for.

Also, this same friend said she saw a woman who is a regular (goes every other week,) in the Autumn, who was complaining that she was having to do the flowers in the Church, and said that she had 'better things to do.' #awkward

System

I honestly believe meetings/service duties should be volunteered and not expected.

If no one wants to do the flowers then they dont have flowers. Church cleaning another bind could not someone to be employed to do the church cleaning rather than expected? The church of the size i went to only needed 2 hours a week maximum to keep clean. Ladies outreach meals were another 'burden'. Meant to bring people to God but in the 15 years i was a member, no one became a born again Christian because of them, again women were running round like headless chickens for days before and afterwards.

Torry_Quine

Judi wrote: »

I honestly believe meetings/service duties should be volunteered and not expected.

If no one wants to do the flowers then they dont have flowers. Church cleaning another bind could not someone to be employed to do the church cleaning rather than expected? The church of the size i went to only needed 2 hours a week maximum to keep clean. Ladies outreach meals were another 'burden'. Meant to bring people to God but in the 15 years i was a member, no one became a born again Christian because of them, again women were running round like headless chickens for days before and afterwards.

I do agree that people shouldn't be guilt tripped into being involved more than they want. The flip side is that there are many things which need doing for a church to operate fully. Just on a Sunday there needs someone to open the building and check the heating, creche staff, Sunday school staff, worship group, people to serve refreshments, stewards at the door to welcome and show people what they need to know. People to take up the collection and serve communion are just some of the top of my head.

Gloomendoom

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Someone said to a friend of mine 'well people have to join in and help or the Church can't/won't be able to run.' So she said she would rather withdraw than feel she has to do stuff she has no time for.d

If I haven't got the time, I just say no. They know our time is limited because of our jobs.

We haven't been ostracised because of it.

Maybe we are just lucky.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Churches are very calming, quiet, and comforting places, and it's cool and fine and understandable to feel 'nice' in them, but it seems a bit odd (IMO) to want to go if you are atheist (which you are if you don't believe in God.)

Hope this thread stays friendly and civil.

I have no belief. But surrounded by people who do, and to treat the stories as representing hope, poetry, etc, is pleasant. I feel the same about Buddhist services and any others.

ljonski

The church is just a building. The real church is what is left when the building has burned down.

Mrs_Ryan

I'm what my church rather charmingly calls a 'cradle Catholic' ie I was born into the Catholic religion (Dad is S.Irish Catholic but cannot take Communion as he was divorced; Mum is C of E by birth but agreed myself and my siblings would be brought up Catholic) I lost interest when I left school as I went to a Catholic high school and we were very brainwashed there. However since my Dad has developed dementia Mum says he's reverting back into his faith and I am too; I'm finding comfort in what he is also finding comfort in.
I met a friend at one of the local churches; she lives a few doors down and she gives me a lift to church but she also pops around once a week for a cuppa and a chat which is lovely- most of our talk isn't about church. I'm fortunate to go to an excellent church- the pressure isn't there to attend all the time and/or get involved- unless you want to. I've seen some beautiful churches but this is a bone of contention with me and OH (he's Northern Ireland Protestant) and he won't go into Catholic Churches and I won't go into Protestant/C of E churches.

fierystormcloud

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

I'm what my church rather charmingly calls a 'cradle Catholic' ie I was born into the Catholic religion (Dad is S.Irish Catholic but cannot take Communion as he was divorced; Mum is C of E by birth but agreed myself and my siblings would be brought up Catholic) I lost interest when I left school as I went to a Catholic high school and we were very brainwashed there. However since my Dad has developed dementia Mum says he's reverting back into his faith and I am too; I'm finding comfort in what he is also finding comfort in.
I've seen some beautiful churches but this is a bone of contention with me and OH (he's Northern Ireland Protestant) and he won't go into Catholic Churches and I won't go into Protestant/C of E churches.

That's got to be difficult. I'd find it hard to make that work I must admit!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I have no belief. But surrounded by people who do, and to treat the stories as representing hope, poetry, etc, is pleasant. I feel the same about Buddhist services and any others.

Yeah they are nice calming places, and some of the readings do bring hope, but some services are mind numbingly boring. I think that's why not many people attend, even though many people identify themselves as Christian.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I do agree that people shouldn't be guilt tripped into being involved more than they want. The flip side is that there are many things which need doing for a church to operate fully. Just on a Sunday there needs someone to open the building and check the heating, creche staff, Sunday school staff, worship group, people to serve refreshments, stewards at the door to welcome and show people what they need to know. People to take up the collection and serve communion are just some of the top of my head.

That's not necessarily as many people as it sounds. The (2 for example) people who 'check the heating' can also switch the lighting on, open the door and greet people and dish out the service booklets, get the cups and saucers and tea bags and milk and coffee jar prepared, (takes 2 minutes before the end, or the break,) and also take the collection.

Obviously the vicar will do the service in most cases, and maybe a couple of people can (voluntarily) do a reading and in many cases, there will only need 2 people to run the Sunday school/creche.

You make it sound as if 15-20 people are needed to make one single service work, when it would realistically take no more than 5 or 6 (including the Vicar.)

Maybe there's a small possibility that there may be that many needed if there are 120+ people, but then that leaves a lot of people (around 90%) who really don't need to join in on the 'organising.'

I mean they don't even have to clean the Church, as they rope volunteers in to do that too!

I think some people make out 20 people are needed to do every last job that 5 people can do, to try and get as many as possible to get involved in the Church in as many ways as possible.

My friend told me that last year, they tried to rope her into a course to enable people to do readings at the Church. Someone was talking about it (in a circle of 6 people she was in who were chatting,) and to be polite, she said 'hmmmm sounds interesting.' Five minutes later, the Vicar approached her and asked her when she could start the course!

Why do you even NEED a course to do a 60 second Bible reading anyway LOL. I would imagine most grown adults could read a short verse from a bible without a 6 week course!

Like I said earlier, I think this is also one of the things they do to try and get as many as they can to get involved in the Church in as many ways as possible.

Torry_Quine

fierystormcloud wrote: »

That's got to be difficult. I'd find it hard to make that work I must admit!



Yeah they are nice calming places, and some of the readings do bring hope, but some services are mind numbingly boring. I think that's why not many people attend, even though many people identify themselves as Christian.



That's not necessarily as many people as it sounds. The (2 for example) people who 'check the heating' can also switch the lighting on, open the door and greet people and dish out the service booklets, get the cups and saucers and tea bags and milk and coffee jar prepared, (takes 2 minutes before the end, or the break,) and also take the collection.

Obviously the vicar will do the service in most cases, and maybe a couple of people can (voluntarily) do a reading and in many cases, there will only need 2 people to run the Sunday school/creche.

You make it sound as if 15-20 people are needed to make one single service work, when it would realistically take no more than 5 or 6 (including the Vicar.)

Maybe there's a small possibility that there may be that many needed if there are 120+ people, but then that leaves a lot of people (around 90%) who really don't need to join in on the 'organising.'

I mean they don't even have to clean the Church, as they rope volunteers in to do that too!

I think some people make out 20 people are needed to do every last job that 5 people can do, to try and get as many as possible to get involved in the Church in as many ways as possible.

My friend told me that last year, they tried to rope her into a course to enable people to do readings at the Church. Someone was talking about it (in a circle of 6 people she was in who were chatting,) and to be polite, she said 'hmmmm sounds interesting.' Five minutes later, the Vicar approached her and asked her when she could start the course!

Why do you even NEED a course to do a 60 second Bible reading anyway LOL. I would imagine most grown adults could read a short verse from a bible without a 6 week course!

Like I said earlier, I think this is also one of the things they do to try and get as many as they can to get involved in the Church in as many ways as possible.

No one does a reading in my church, the preacher does it himself.

The creche needs more than two people on its own and the different ages at Sunday school need their own helpers. The stewards take up the collection and serve communion but can't serve the refreshments as they will be busy counting the collection or on communion day washing the communion glasses.

That's only on Sunday, the weekday activities need people too.

As I said though I don't think anyone should have to do things they aren't comfortable with whether for time constraints or they just don't want to.

Had to laugh at the boring comment., mine is definitely not boring and I would be finding another church if it were.