Funeral Dispute

leespot

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

Thanks leespot. Sorry for the loss of your friend.
I doubt the funeral plan stipulated where it should take place. My relative did not believe she would have ever moved away from her hometown/home county. But even if there are written instructions the executor can override them anyway.

I have offered to pay for the cost of movement of the body & any associated costs, but nope, that didn't have any effect.

Thank you.

It is very sad when things like this happen. When my nan died my aunt & uncle took over the arrangements for the funeral. Luckily I knew the undertaker personally (small village) and when he mentioned the arrangements I was gobsmacked - they had nearly buried her in the wrong cemetery instead of cremating her and having her ashes interred with her long term partner as per her written wishes. The plans were changed the same day as they had been made and fortunately her wishes were carried out.

It really does take a certain type of person to go against what they probably know the deceased would have wanted. I hope your memorial goes ahead as peacefully as possible.

POPPYOSCAR

A bit unusual I know but could you have someone relay the service via Skype?

You could gather everyone together to participate and then have your own wake afterwards.

Malthusian

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

A bit unusual I know but could you have someone relay the service via Skype?

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to to to to to bfffffklmpksktch


"

I do like the idea but today's technology isn't up to it yet. The absolute last thing I would want in a funeral would be someone piping up "Sorry, we lost you there, can you repeat that bit? Maybe we should just go audio-only..."

Getting someone to video it and playing highlights of any particularly poignant sermons or remembrances at the "funeral" would be worth considering.

SevenOfNine

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

I saw the deceased more than the executor did.

THAT is the bit that counts, what you did in life is what matters most now.

Perhaps club together & send flowers if you see fit (& you think the executor will include them within the funeral).

As has been suggested, have your own 'wake' to celebrate their life, perhaps with a board with photographs supplied by various family members, share happy memories with all those who are feeling left out of the arrangements. Have a nice toast, give a little speech, read a nice poem maybe. I went to a wake once where the mourners were invited to write a small message on a card, attach it to a helium balloon & release it (not particularly environmentally friendly though).

Have a collection for a suitable charity (particularly if you think the executor will be meanly dismissive if you suggest sending flowers to the funeral). Say your 'goodbyes' in a different way, it's not all about crying in a crematorium or beside a grave.

Write to the executor, nicely, & explain that you (& whoever else) are unable to attend the arrangements THEY have chosen for your family member, how saddened the family are by this so you have arranged a memorial wake.

Be as gracious as possible & invite them, put them to shame with their selfish inconsideration, it will rankle more than indignant annoyance on your part will.

Remember you family member in your own way, sadly for whatever reason it seems they made their choice of executor & POA in life, in death really what happens now matters not.

My condolences.