Funeral Dispute

OneYorkshireLass

Does anyone know of an organisation who could help with a funeral dispute between the executor and other family members?

The closest thing I could find was Stephenson's solicitors who have a department for funeral disputes, but they won't take on any more work at the moment.
I wasn't really looking for a solicitor, though. Just some mediation from somewhere.

Apparently we can't speak to the funeral director as the executor is the one with the contract and the FD takes instructions solely from the executor ...

melanzana

Are you prepared to say what exactly the problem is here?

I'm guessing Executor wants to do it his/her way, whereas family members have other ideas.

Is the executor a family member? Did the deceased leave instructions for the funeral?

Sorry I don't know of any solicitors who deal with funeral disputes. But they would have to be quick. Did the office you contacted not direct you elsewhere? Would a church/vicar help. Sorry I don't know whether that's an issue or not.

OneYorkshireLass

The funeral isn't until next month, so we have some breathing space.

The executor is a step child and yes, they want to do it their way. Namely holding the funeral in a place which is inaccessible to all the blood relatives.

The deceased has paid for the funeral, but I don't know if specific arrangements were made. The executor will not speak to us. I have read, though, that the executor can override anything the deceased put in writing.

The solicitors directed me to some civil advice service, but they are legal aid funded and I wouldn't qualify.

Mojisola

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

The executor is a step child and yes, they want to do it their way. Namely holding the funeral in a place which is inaccessible to all the blood relatives.

You may find the best way to proceed is to leave the executor to do things their way and arrange a memorial service/wake in a place that people can get to.

OneYorkshireLass

Mojisola wrote: »

You may find the best way to proceed is to leave the executor to do things their way and arrange a memorial service/wake in a place that people can get to.

Yeah, that had crossed my mind, and that's probably what we will end up doing. I doubt the executor would even contemplate mediation anyway. They ignored everyone in authority and the family when they had Power of Attorney, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised they're ignoring us now.

Malthusian

There is certainly no point in involving solicitors. Even if it were possible to get the courts to intervene in the arrangements of a funeral (I doubt it) it would drag on for months or years and cost both parties thousands. And if you're not the executor then it would be futile anyway.

If what you're looking for is a third party to mediate between the two sides, i.e. someone that the step child might be willing to speak to when they aren't willing to speak to the blood relatives, then I can only suggest thinking about whether there are any family friends who would be considered "neutral" by the other side.

In your position I would write one final letter to the executor asking them if they are really willing to exclude all the deceased's blood relatives from the funeral and whether they will at least discuss the matter.

If the answer is "yes" and "no" or silence, then organise a separate memorial and invite all the blood relatives. The deceased will still be with you in spirit whether or not their ex-body or the ashes of it is present.

Anyone can arrange a funeral - you don't need a special licence which is only granted to executors. There are only two things preventing you from arranging a funeral off your own bat, 1) that you don't have possession of the remains, which is the least important requirement for a funeral (people still have funerals if they are lost at sea or their body is unrecoverable), 2) you can't use the deceased's money to pay for it. It doesn't sound as if 2) is an overriding concern if you're already considering organising a memorial. That leaves the remains. I assumed that ownership of a deceased's body would fall to his estate (and therefore his executors), but a brief Google suggests that in fact nobody owns it. So it seems that you could "steal" the remains and then hold the funeral. As long as you didn't steal any valuables that were on the body you would, apparently, not be breaking any law. I am not recommending this course of action. I just find it interesting.

Jackieboy

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

The funeral isn't until next month, so we have some breathing space.

The executor is a step child and yes, they want to do it their way. Namely holding the funeral in a place which is inaccessible to all the blood relatives.

The deceased has paid for the funeral, but I don't know if specific arrangements were made. The executor will not speak to us. I have read, though, that the executor can override anything the deceased put in writing.

The solicitors directed me to some civil advice service, but they are legal aid funded and I wouldn't qualify.

"Inaccessible" in what way - do you mean abroad somewhere?

securityguy

Like Jackieboy, I'm struggling to imagine how somewhere can be that inaccessible. Private land? Private club?

margaretclare

securityguy wrote: »

Like Jackieboy, I'm struggling to imagine how somewhere can be that inaccessible. Private land? Private club?

And 'next month'? February? We're only half-way through January, not even half-way yet.

Where is the dead person going to be, all that time?

Keep_pedalling

Sounds like the executor was someone the deceased person trusted to handle their affairs in life and death. The fact that they have also paid for their funeral in advance would suggest someone who knew what they wanted, so I think the family should butt out and let the executor get on with their job.

POPPYOSCAR

Were you estranged from the deceased?

Why was the step-child an executor and why are they doing this?