How do you keep yourself positive/motivated when single/dating?

justme111

Why would one have to "keep" oneself positive when dating? Dating is not serving a prison sentence , it is a positive experience. At a push (if one does not like being single that is a condition of dating) it is neutral. I would look at your general outlook in life as that is where the answer may be , not in a way you date.

lynsayjane

justme111 wrote: »

Why would one have to "keep" oneself positive when dating? Dating is not serving a prison sentence , it is a positive experience. At a push (if one does not like being single that is a condition of dating) it is neutral. I would look at your general outlook in life as that is where the answer may be , not in a way you date.

Dating can be a tough experience though, I'm fairly recently single and the thought of going back out there again is not a happy one! Perhaps it's my experience of dating or maybe that I'm just a touch old fashioned but I do not want naked pictures, nor do I want to send them. I do not want to take a man to bed I've only just met, I do not want casual relations with someone visiting town for work. These are honestly the majority of men I've met be it internet dating, through friends or in town.
It feels, to me anyway, that no one wants to 'date' anymore. People match online then don't message or reply to your contact, they lack the art of conversation and just say hi or fail to ask questions. They'll physically jump on you in town without even asking your name. At best they'll think 'netflix and chill' is an acceptable first meet.
I generally tend to look at an actual date as a social occasion; if there is chemistry then great, it may lead to more but if there isn't, well at worst I've had a pleasant coffee/meal/cinema visit.

I have no interest in going through all of this and I doubt I'm ready either, so I'm just going to not bother trying.

pinkshoes

If you need to stay positive whilst dating, then perhaps you need to learn to love yourself before finding someone else?

There is more to life than having a partner, and once you are happy within yourself you will become more attractive to others.

KxMx

I have a good social life outside dating, my confidence is at an all time high, doesn't stop me being a bit miserable about online dating occasionally, it can be soul destroying the amount of dross out there one has to wade through. Yes I am lonely, yes I want a partner, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Other posts are spot on, many many guys are looking for casual sex "are you available tonight " and "broken up with my girlfriend last week want to have fun", seem incapable of writing with proper words or more than 3 per message, write ask me in profile. Then there is just plain weird "I want someone to get pregnant and have baby"

*All very recent very real examples of messages I've gotten

The first time I tried online dating really depressed me, but this second time I've approached it differently. Taking it less seriously, laughing at some of the messages (as opposed to despairing), being strict about area I will date in, occasionally breaking away from the site for a few weeks.

Treating the first meet up as a social outing rather than a formal date helps too.

catoutthebag

I agree with the opinions.

I'm a bloke and am a one woman man, I can't do or want casual. I just want a relationship!

I'm pretty happy in myself. Have a few friends and hobbies, trying to expand.

I'm on the main sites, paid and unpaid. I'm thinking of cutting out the free sites and things like tinder, as although I know people have got married or ltr from it, sadly it's not a pleasant experience.

Anyway, that girl that seemed dry/serious, I asked her out, she said yes, so will see how it goes.

angie_baby

After bumping into my so call boyfriend and seeing him with his so called ex this morning as he told me he still wanted to be friends I'm quite glad I'm single again! Lol!

jamiehelsinki

KxMx wrote: »

I have a good social life outside dating, my confidence is at an all time high, doesn't stop me being a bit miserable about online dating occasionally, it can be soul destroying the amount of dross out there one has to wade through. Yes I am lonely, yes I want a partner, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Other posts are spot on, many many guys are looking for casual sex "are you available tonight " and "broken up with my girlfriend last week want to have fun", seem incapable of writing with proper words or more than 3 per message, write ask me in profile. Then there is just plain weird "I want someone to get pregnant and have baby"



*All very recent very real examples of messages I've gotten

The first time I tried online dating really depressed me, but this second time I've approached it differently. Taking it less seriously, laughing at some of the messages (as opposed to despairing), being strict about area I will date in, occasionally breaking away from the site for a few weeks.

Treating the first meet up as a social outing rather than a formal date helps too.

It works both ways though, there are lots of women up for casual sex on these sites so you could blame them for encouraging it.

motorguy

jamiehelsinki wrote: »

It works both ways though, there are lots of women up for casual sex on these sites so you could blame them for encouraging it.

:eek:

Thats terrible - women just looking for casual sex?

And whats the name of these sites so i can avoid them?

MidLifeMayhem

I'm taking a break from the dating sites at the moment but know I'll need to steel myself to go back. I just don't want to be single lol.

Got ghosted two days before Christmas after three lovely dates and it did knock my self esteem.

The previous advice is good......treat the first meeting as a social event and anything subsequent as a date.

ChrisJones1

OP here's my take. My experience and advice is based on dating over a 100 women in the last couple of years.


People that you click with, but too far? Depends on how far. But if your instinct tells you they are worth it, do it if it's realistically possible.

People you like, but they don't like you? You dodged a bullet potentially. Imagine them being forced to like you just because you like them. Eventually you will both have wasted time that you could have spent doing something else.

People you don't like, but they like you? Be polite and let them know. Do not ghost, it's a !!!! trait no one deserves.

A promising start, fizzling out and leading to disappoinment. Happens. Again, you weren't right for each other, take the positive that at least you know that.

How to keep going and not lose hope in actually finding someone. Don't lose your hobbies, friends etc over women. Keep a balanced life.

Do not over-prioritise dating over other important aspects of your life.

Listen to yourself, if you think you are doing it too much, take a break.

---

Overall it depends on what you want.

Also, look at the feedback you are getting from dating, why is it not working out? Is it something you can change that's within your control? What could you do better? Was it just that you met the wrong person?

That should give you some suggestions but feel free to reply back to my post and I will answer further questions.