How do you keep yourself positive/motivated when single/dating?

catoutthebag

I mean the constant highs and lows?
People that you click with, but too far?
People you like, but they don't like you?
People you don't like, but they like you?
A promising start, fizzling out and leading to disappoinment.

How to keep going and not lose hope in actually finding someone.

jamiehelsinki

I only meet women who live local to me, there's thousands of options locally without searching further away. I have received messages from women 50miles away but I just respond saying they live to far away.

I don't think I've actually met any women who I have really liked and the feeling wasn't mutual, I have had the problem of getting 4-5 dates in and figuring out they are not ready to move on from previous relationships.

I just see it that I like women and I like their company so if their profile appeals to me then I message them and see what response I get. If it's positive and they want to meet then all good. I don't meet up thinking this might be the one or expect it to go anywhere, I just turn up and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, I'm no worse off than I was before I met them.

I've met a few women who really work themselves up before meeting or are really shy, it's surprising really how many women who are attractive and have a lot going for themselves can be quite fragile and insecure when it comes to dating.

I got picked up on as being shallow in a thread a few weeks back but I think it's important to figure out where you are in the looks department and aim accordingly.

I see myself as average/attractive so that's what I aim for with women I contact, this is based on what I think of them and not the box they tick about themselves. I avoid what I consider to be very attractive women as experience tells me I won't get any where.
Same goes for qualifications, income levels etc, I aim to go on dates with women who I see as in my league.

How many dates have you been on over what period of time?

catoutthebag

About 30 that I agreed to over about a couple years. And a few I've rejected. I'm below average male height, non white (believe me this stuff matters), but I'm pretty funny and good looking (so I'm told), lots of interest and hobbies. So my Achilles heel, has never stopped me.

Like I've had several messages today. I don't even have to try much. Maybe that's the problem.

Anyway, one girl looked promising, but her messages just seemed quite serious and straight ...She's lovely, but it lead to disappoinment without having met her, as I'm , well, quite fun + light hearted. Maybe I should ask her out. I know she'll say yes, but I'm just gauging next reply (only messaged so far over 2 days).

Tonight, a lovely girl winked at Me, she's 9 years younger and experience tells me that there is too wide a gulf in life experiences at this stage. I'm completely different at 34 than 25. But, she seems fun and light hearted.

So this is tonight.

One too young, one too serious. It's so easy to judge , maybe I should get some more dates arranged.

Anyway, think you're right, I shouldn't get too excited too quickly and just be more laid back

catoutthebag

I've met some beautiful dates. I even bumped into one at the weekend that I met in summer. She's so luuurvely , but she didn't click with me despite us laughing and chatting for about 2 hours. I think she was on a date at the weekend

Then I've met women for dates maybe out of boredom, who I.wss not attracted to, to see if things were different in real life.

I'm probably quite picky and critical (self and others)

catoutthebag

I probably sound ungrateful because most of my friends struggle to get dates, whereas I don't have to try, probably apathy now.

PeacefulWaters

Best motivation for me has been knowing I'm happy single so if dates don't work out it really doesn't matter.

I'm currently not single!

jamiehelsinki

I know it matters "catoutthebag" a lot of women actually state on their profiles about height and hair colour.

Gloomendoom

jamiehelsinki wrote: »

I got picked up on as being shallow in a thread a few weeks back but I think it's important to figure out where you are in the looks department and aim accordingly.

I see myself as average/attractive so that's what I aim for with women I contact, this is based on what I think of them and not the box they tick about themselves. I avoid what I consider to be very attractive women as experience tells me I won't get any where.

There is probably more involved than looks though. Yours or hers.

Ugly blokes with very attractive wives are not uncommon.

Ozzuk

I think the best motivation is to be happy with yourself, your own life and being on your own. If you achieve that then it tends to make for a better relationship when you do meet someone. It takes the pressure off and means if you enjoy dating then do it, if not take a break and just be you.

indesisiv

What Ozzuk says.

I find that I am really enjoying being single atm and would really struggle to fit in a relationship at the moment with all of the other stuff that I really want to do.

Why not try and meet people whilst doing something that you enjoy. Any relationship is much more likely to last if you have a shared interest or 2.

KxMx

Lower your expectations in terms of results and treat it more casually and less serious/hopeful.

Don't rely on the written word, meet up in person, some people just don't come across well in writing and face to face is a much better measure of judgement.