Is an amicable divorce a dream?

shiningfaery

We don't live together.
I am not trying to change the arrangements.
He agreed to help cover the holidays, he is going back on it now that he is being asked.

I don't think I explained everything very well.
My working hours are set there's no room to change these, I am using my own holiday allowance and flexible time I may accrue to cover all the bank holidays and half the weeks off. My childminder is
taking her holidays through the year not all at once and is not during any school holidays.
I am seeing my solicitor this week on another matter so will bring it up on making our informal arrangements formal and see if it's something that will work.

I pay for the childcare, his maintenance is lower than what he should be paying a separate matter that's being dealt with, so absolutely no room to spend more on childcare on that basis.

I have looked at how I might manage this without him and honestly I don't have a support system that would allow it, and financially I can't afford it as I would be paying for 2 sets of childcare and that's not possible.

swingaloo

To be honest, even getting it 'formalised' wont work. We have been in the situation where my husband had access agreed through the court but there is little you can do if the other parent does not go along with the agreement. In our case it was 'Not this week, she has a party', Not this week she has a cold', Not this week we are going away'.

On the other hand my sister had the opposite problem like yours. Their agreement says the father has the children every other weekend. She is lucky if he has them once in 6 weeks. He always claims to be working/away etc. All she can do is keep going back to court which her solicitor says is pointless.

You cannot force the other parent to take the children when you want him to any more than he can insist on taking them when you dont want him to. Its up to both parents to be reasonable and sadly that rarely happens.

Im slightly confused though as to why it may mean giving up your job. If the childminder is having 6 weeks holiday spread over the year (not an extra 6 week block as I thought you were meaning in your opening post) is it not just a case of taking your 6 weeks to coincide?

Sambella

shiningfaery wrote: »

We don't live together.
I am not trying to change the arrangements.
He agreed to help cover the holidays, he is going back on it now that he is being asked.

I don't think I explained everything very well.
My working hours are set there's no room to change these, I am using my own holiday allowance and flexible time I may accrue to cover all the bank holidays and half the weeks off. My childminder is
taking her holidays through the year not all at once and is not during any school holidays.
I am seeing my solicitor this week on another matter so will bring it up on making our informal arrangements formal and see if it's something that will work.

I pay for the childcare, his maintenance is lower than what he should be paying a separate matter that's being dealt with, so absolutely no room to spend more on childcare on that basis.

I have looked at how I might manage this without him and honestly I don't have a support system that would allow it, and financially I can't afford it as I would be paying for 2 sets of childcare and that's not possible.

It sounds like you need to find a childcare place that is staffed all year round except for Xmas etc and costs can be worked out yearly

Do you get 70% of your childcare costs met? His maintenance can pay a share and your share shouldn't be too huge the surely if it's only part time?

Spendless

swingaloo wrote: »

To be honest, even getting it 'formalised' wont work. We have been in the situation where my husband had access agreed through the court but there is little you can do if the other parent does not go along with the agreement. In our case it was 'Not this week, she has a party', Not this week she has a cold', Not this week we are going away'.

On the other hand my sister had the opposite problem like yours. Their agreement says the father has the children every other weekend. She is lucky if he has them once in 6 weeks. He always claims to be working/away etc. All she can do is keep going back to court which her solicitor says is pointless.

You cannot force the other parent to take the children when you want him to any more than he can insist on taking them when you dont want him to. Its up to both parents to be reasonable and sadly that rarely happens.

Im slightly confused though as to why it may mean giving up your job. If the childminder is having 6 weeks holiday spread over the year (not an extra 6 week block as I thought you were meaning in your opening post) is it not just a case of taking your 6 weeks to coincide?

Has the OP said she gets 6 weeks holiday? Most people don't, they get between 4-5 weeks (plus bank hols) and sometimes have to save so many days for Christmas shut down week.

OP- From what I can gather from previous posts you've made. You have a 3yo and a 6yo. Your CM is taking 6 weeks holiday this year spread out over the year but during school term-time. That leaves you without enough holiday to cover this time and means you are going to have to be off for childcare reasons of your youngest meaning you won't have enough annual leave to take a week off during the school hols this year when your eldest will be off. Can you clarify this is correct as it will help people make suggestions for you.

Considering your CM is taking 6 weeks off in term-time and you have a thread about her taking some public holidays that you weren't sure were, I really think you need to look for more suitable childcare. I know this doesn't address the situation with your ex who is refusing to help with care of his children, but this is something that is within your control.

FBaby

So it sounds like that is a gap of probably 2 weeks at most, not 3? Has your ex say he won't have them at all, or not for 3 weeks? Is he being difficult because he thinks that you want to have a week for yourself without the kids, maybe suspecting to go away with someone? Not that it would make it right of course, but it could mean that he would agree to 1 or 2 weeks?

If your ex is going to be difficult, you are much better off not relying on him at all. Worse than being in the situation you are in now would be him agreeing and then telling you he can't at the last minute (which is what my ex did) and there is nothing you can do. My youngest was with a childminder for some months, but as soon as I could, I got him a place at nursery because I had more control over holidays/sickness etc... even though his childminder was wonderful.

I do think that considering giving up your job as the only solution extreme. Becoming a mum on benefits has many implications, far more limiting than finding alternative childcare solutions.