Is an amicable divorce a dream?

Sambella

Please could you clarify if you childminder is taking these 6 weeks off over the summer holidays or is it to be 6 weeks throughout the year, Xmas, Halloween, summer? Your original post doesn't make this clear.

If it is six weeks over the summer you are talking about then she has kinda left you in the lurch which is not really his fault. Long term I would find childcare that covers at least part of the summer holiday.

silvercar

If you don't want to be reliant on your ex for childcare, your other option is to have adequate (paid or unpaid) childcare in place.

As an initial step, separate the provision of childcare from the issue of who pays for it. Get the childcare set up that meets your working needs and then have a discussion over who contributes.

If your agreement with your ex is only that he has them on alternate weekends, I can't see how you can insist that he takes them for 3 weeks. Presumably your maintenance payments are set at the level for the number of nights he has them?

PeacefulWaters

I'll ask again.


If you still lived together, how would you have managed this arrangement? I'm not convinced being separated changes things.

JReacher1

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I'll ask again.


If you still lived together, how would you have managed this arrangement? I'm not convinced being separated changes things.

If you live together you can usually compromise and work something out eg odd days etc. Now they're separated if one party just refuses to do anything then there is little the other parent can do.

Sambella

What is your part time working pattern? Half days or 2/3 full days? What annual leave do you have and do you get public/bank holidays? Do you have scope to build up extra hours towards days off ?

I worked 9 am til 1pm when my kids were at primary school. I therefore didn't need childcare term time. For holidays I combined annual leave with any bank holidays so that I could at Easter for exapmple just need 8 days leave instead of 10. I also had scope to work an extra 14.80 hrs a month to get an extra two days off flexi time so the annual leave I would need at Easter for example would be reduced to 6. This freed up annual leave for the other school holidays. The summer holiday was the hardest. Kids in N Ireland get a 9 week break. Somehow I managed, looking back I wonder how I did it but I did!!

I didn't have family who could help ( my mother died when my eldest was a baby and rest of the family all worked) but luckily with 20 days annual leave ( which rose to 25 after 5 years) 24 days flexi a year and 12 public holidays ( we get an extra 2 in July) I was able to manage with minimal childcare costs.

Presumably you are on tax credits and will get help with childcare costs?

PeacefulWaters

JReacher1 wrote: »

If you live together you can usually compromise and work something out eg odd days etc. Now they're separated if one party just refuses to do anything then there is little the other parent can do.

Well I was rather hoping to hear the OP's take on it to get a feel around how reasonable (or not) things really are.

FBaby

What is the issue, the actual care or the costs? Do you receive tax credits to help pay towards childcare, in which instance, it would be your responsibility financially to deal with the costs.

Or it is that he doesn't think he could cope with having them 3 weeks in a row?

There are some advantages being the resident rather than non resident parent, and there are disadvantages. This is one of them. It is frustrating and understand you are annoyed, but I can't see why the only other alternative is for you to give up your job. Surely there are other childcare options available?

caprikid1

I'd like to think me and my Ex Wife have got as close as you can get.


But , unlike your situation we have the children 50/50 with a lot of flexibility around that is required. IE I have my youngest always before school to avoid breakfast clubs etc.


We also split holidays etc

Spendless

shiningfaery wrote: »

The ages my kids are at, one is too young for holiday clubs etc so my only option childcare wise for now is either a private nursery or childminder,

I have tried to be entirely fair with the kids and custody arrangements but cannot have him holding his agreement over me like that.

When mine were younger (teenagers now) the nurseries they were at would take on children during the (school) holidays. One would take them up until their 6th birthday, as they were registered for 0-5 care. Obviously this is dependent on them having places but worth an ask.

If he refuses to help, I don't actually see what you can do. My friends ex used to do something similar to her with their children and she was told by her solicitor that there was no legislation to make the NRP have the children for longer than they were doing.

Longer term, you need to find out if your childminder regularly takes this amount of time off and is she is able to point you in the direction of childcare to cover. Or you might need to look at another childcare provider.

Sambella

caprikid1 wrote: »

I'd like to think me and my Ex Wife have got as close as you can get.


But , unlike your situation we have the children 50/50 with a lot of flexibility around that is required. IE I have my youngest always before school to avoid breakfast clubs etc.


We also split holidays etc

This is fantastic but very rare

Presumably you don't pay monthly maintenance but you do split any costs?