From debt to freedom...

Cherryfudge

Your festive cooking sounds wonderful... DD made us a waffleberry pudding which is a recent Christmas tradition. DS2 has been living off it ever since.

Coffee, chocolate and meringue... hold on, I'm coming over! :rotfl:

It's so good to hear you had a real break after the horrors of work recently. It may be worth keeping your eyes on the job market regardless of whether you choose to stay or go, as you never know what may be lurking out there.

Well done for inviting your ex (though it's probably easier for all that he didn't show up).
It's gloriously sunny here after a misty morning so hopefully you have good weather too and can get out in the garden. I have rediscovered the multi-coloured carrot seeds I was given last year (before I broke my arm, which put paid to digging), so I need to make plans for the garden too.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge. The weather has been glorious here today.

My parents and grandmother went home today and I have just flopped. I've been really tired so have pottered about and cleared up a bit. This evening the DDs, the toddler and is have been to see Mary Poppins at the cinema, with a friend. It was nice to feel that we had done something special but am equally glad to be home by the fire now! DD1 has heated up some mulled wine so a good night's sleep looks likely!

Honeysucklelou2

Everyone was in different directions yesterday. A couple of the older ones were at work, two were visiting friends, so I just had the younger ones. I took them swimming, which is a rare occurrence so felt like a real treat. The toddler loves the water and expended lots of energy .

My brother sent me some money for Christmas, so I've used it to get me a new pair of wellies. My old ones have lasted really well ( another sale purchase) but now let in water to the point that the insides are decidedly soggy. I will get lots of wear out of these new ones.

I did do a little shop at Mr T's yesterday which included some meat, so we had pasties for tea last night. We are still munching our way through a tin of mince pies, so haven't done much baking!

Honeysucklelou2

Managed to think ahead today and did a menu plan for the coming week. DD1 wants to make enchiladas for us ( not in my cooking reportoire) , so I've got the ingredients in and on the night she makes that, I've bought some mince to make some more individual lasagnes to put in the freezer for uni. I've got some cleaning, tidying and taxiing done. DD1 made a batch of Baileys chocolate flavoured cupcakes...delicious but very rich. It does make me smile that all the years of having her stand on a stool next to me to "help" with the baking has resulted in DD being able to cook amazing cakes.

After silence for some days the ex turned up this afternoon and proceeded to have a go at me in front of the children. I think the news of the decree being granted ( on grounds of unreasonable behaviour) has begun to sink in, although I'm not sure if he's more angry about that or the court ordering that he pay costs. It was one of those stomach churning times.:(:(:( Its hard as he's blaming me for the separation and doing his utmost to influence the children to that way of thinking yet I can't talk to the children about the reasons because it could damage their view of their father. It's like trying to fight a battle with one hand tied behind one's back. After all that he still wanted to take a bath here:eek:. DD1 was absolutely incredulous...she's been at uni when this behaviour started. Unnervingly the ex also mentioned driving to my place of work to check if I was actually working on a particular day ( one of the extra days I did this term). Given that my place of work is well off the beaten track and isn't somewhere you go unless you have a specific purpose, I felt really uncomfortable about this. :(:(

I've tried to spend the rest of the evening trying to lose myself in my book, but haven't been so successful.

crazy_cat_lady

I'm sorry to be so blunt HSL but you need to get him told now. It's not your problem that he's not dealing with what is happening, and it's not fair of him to try and make it your problem. If you don't want him at the house then tell him he's not welcome and change the locks. If he turns up then call the police. As for following you to work - that is stalking and the police take that very seriously now as well.
Speaking from experience - you need to stand up to him so you can move on. I have also tried with the kids, but they don't need me bad mouthing him or sticking up for him - they have made their own decisions based on my ex's behaviour. It has gotten to the point where the police and social services have agreed that ex needs to be out of the kids lives for the moment.
It sounds quite similar to my situation, so please don't think I'm having a go. I'm just amazed that your ex thinks he can continue to behave like this. You are allowed to change the locks, you are allowed to call the police if you don't want him at your house, and the courts will always look at what is best for the kids - not him (or you for that matter). I know you have the kids together but that doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with him. He just wants to keep his control over you for as long as possible.

WannabeFree

Agree with CCL

Take care HSL

x

System

I might feel ill but I can't believe what I have been reading . I would heed the words of CCL and take her advise.

What is the reason for the bath ? It doesn't sound remotely normal and as for checking up on you at work that is disgraceful. Does he think you have another man in your life ? Which you are allowed to have of course.

All very bizarre to me. Look after yourself HSL.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL, Wannabe & Cumbria Lass.

Yes, I think the checking up is to keep tabs on me. He has done it once before...I meet with friends about once a month and we have coffee and catch up. We were sitting outside and he drove past, I assume, to check I was where I'd told the older DDs I'd be. That distance was only a couple of miles whereas driving to my place of work is well out of his way.

I'd love to change the locks and have a barrel and keys at home so I can do the job but thought I wasn't allowed to as it's still a jointly owned house, but I will check on that with the solicitor when offices reopen.

The bath thing is ??. Not sure. I still don't know where he lives. He hasn't always done this over the 2 years we've been separated, it's quite a new behaviour. He said he hadn't got a bath where he is, but he owns a house elsewhere, that is currently let out, so he could live there if he chose to and have his own bath. I agree it is bizarre behaviour. The thing I find difficult is that it's all played out in front of the children, so if I say /question / stop him, I'll be accused of being awkward.

Unfortunately yesterday's episode played on my mind so I didn't get to sleep until 4am, but I did write everything down, in a bid to write it out.

I've been for a walk with a DD and the elderly dog which has done me good as well as the dog. It was a bit damp, hence leaving the toddler with his older sisters at home. Good to get out and get some fresh air in my lungs. Chicken cobbler for dinner so off to make that in a moment.

crazy_cat_lady

My solicitor told me that it doesn't matter that our house is still in joint names. I am able to treat ex in the same manner that I would treat a stranger that came to the house - if I don't want him there then he has no right to come in as I am the caregiver for our children, who need a house to live in.
Having had a not-so-pleasant experience with the police 20 years ago when I was getting harassed and stalked by someone, I am very impressed with how well the police have dealt with my ex's behaviour and all of the support and help the kids and I have been offered. Things like this are taken very seriously these days.
I changed the locks, and I've told ex to take me to court if he's that bothered.
I really hope that you get a more restful night tonight HSL.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL...never thought of it as him having no right to come in. We have an inside bolt on the door ( from the days when the elderly dog was a bouncy puppy who could open the door and escape!). I do put the bolt across at night...DD1has used it during the day when she's been at home alone which has kept the ex out, but didn't stop him trying all the windows to get in. Calling the police would have been a better option on that day but will now bear in mind for the future, thank you.

Hoping for better sleep tonight.