From debt to freedom...

Spendless

Honeysucklelou2 wrote: »

I texted the ex and proposed that we went halves on a bike for her which, thankfully, he agreed to. She was able to spend a decent amount of time riding it today and then we had lunch at the cafe. I must confess I had a restorative cup of coffee, as it's been at least 3 years since I last rode a bike. Thoroughly enjoyable though, especially with the sun streaming through the trees.


One weird thing was the ex coming round to see DD for her birthday and deciding to take a bath while he was here :mad::mad::mad: When I questioned why he said he couldn't where he was. He seems to have managed for the last 2 years. Slightly unnerved by it,I must confess.

I read the first bit and think oh good, he does do some positive stuff, then I read the last bit and think WTH?? And even if he has a reasonable explanation for why he couldn't have a bath wherever he lives (which I think you still don't know?) it would be manners to ask first!

Are you keeping a log of all this to tell your solicitor?

Honeysucklelou2

Yes you're right, I still don't know where he lives but that lack of thought/manners does irk me, I must confess. I did tell the solicitor about the binning of our things ( until I found them in the trailer) but have yet to hear back. It certainly makes me lean more towards moving elsewhere because boundaries aren't being respected here.

Costs relating to moving, even if it is months away have been on my mind. At the moment every penny is budgeted for so the only money I can save is if I can make any extra. Given the need for childcare, the only extra I can think of doing is related to plants and growing things to sell. It's something I enjoy and can do from home without needing childcare but I do need greater organisation of myself. It's unfortunate that the busiest time in the gardening calendar coincides with the busiest time of the year in my job. I need to think through and plan now in winter. To that end I did look at a horticultural wholesale catalogue yesterday with a view to getting a few bulbs ready but I would need to use some of the EF to do that but then there's no guarantee of sales. The best thing to do is grow more unusual varieties as supermarkets stock standard well known varieties but then the flip side is that seeds and bulbs for unusual varieties understandably cost more. Mulling it all over at the moment.

crazy_cat_lady

Sorry to hear your ex is being a complete control freak again. I honestly wonder what goes through their minds sometimes. I think with him it's just that he's exerting control over you. I have already decided that no matter what the cost is - if my ex continues to keep coming back to the house I am going to take out an occupation order.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL, my solicitor did mention that option. One I probably need to find out more about.

The first day of half term looks to be a beautiful one...the outdoors is calling!! Yesterday was lovely as my parents visited and we shared the birthday cake that DD3 had made. Unfortunately later that day I discovered that one of the puppies had done a wee on my bed, wI hich had soaked through the over blanket/throw, duvet and duvet cover, sheet and mattress protector. Thankfully, having an 8.5 kg machine meant I could fit the duvet in and get it washed. By the time I'd washed the main components and dried them, it was about 1am by the time I got to bed. I strongly suspect the boy puppy as the girl rarely ventures near my room, whereas the boy has. Last week he did the same thing, so I have been careful to keep the door shut when I go out. I obviously need to be more vigilant but so frustrating as they are 6 months old and old enough to be fully house trained.

On the plus side, yesterday was a NSD which brings the total for this month to 5.

Spendless

Half term of course. wondered what on earth had gone wrong for you to be posting after 9am -lol. It's not half term here until next week.

Honeysucklelou2

It is strange how half term has fallen this year. We are usually off at Hallowe'en but this year we'll be at school.

The weather has been glorious today. I've been able to get a load of washing on the line . I got up to the allotment for an hour which was wonderful. There is always a lot that needs doing and I haven't had time to fit much in, which always grieves me but I made a start today at hacking back the weeds. There were some blackthorn saplings that had seeded themselves in a flower bed, so I got those out and discovered beneath the weeds, some Sweet Williams plants. They must have self seeded from a coup,e of years ago, but look ready to be planted out as soon as I can get a bed completely weed free. DS1 had been to the allotment over the weekend and had had a good go at strimming one area which has made a huge difference . I need to repair the greenhouse again. Two panes of glass have gone so will research prices tomorrow.

I had to collect a child from his friend's house so was able to see the sea, even if I couldn't get to walk on the beach. The sea was a vivid turquoise today with white horses dotted about - beautiful.

We nipped into Mr T's for a top up shop so hopefully can get away with not visiting again for a few days. Spaghetti bolognase followed by Eve's pudding this evening and a batch of vanilla muffins to top up the tins:T

Honeysucklelou2

Yesterday (Tues) turned out to be quite busy. I spent about 5 hours doing things for work. Jobs that had to be done, so am glad that's out of the way. I probably need to spend another half day later in the week, finishing off the work tasks.

The weather continues to be glorious, so I've got as much washing outside to be dried as possible. It also gave me opportunity to have another hour of nettle clearance at the allotment. I need to rake up everything that I've chopped so that I can see where best to tackle next. I found some seeds as I was pottering around and have sown a tray of cornflowers, one of my favourites, a tray of calendula in a red colour and a tray of calendula in yellow. The yellow variety are seeds that I've saved from plants from last year, so hopefully very MSE! These are all annuals that can be sown in Sept/Oct and overwintered in a greenhouse or cold frame. It means that the seedlings can go in the ground in Spring and will mean early flowering.

I cooked toad in the hole followed by apple and blackberry crumble. Apples were gifted and blackberries were picked and frozen back in September. The children surprised me by saying they preferred crumble to the other apple based puddings.

The evening was taken up with sorting about 3 loads of washing. 3 of the teenagers have similar taste in clothing so I usually need one teenager to make sure everyone's clothes are in the right piles!!

Yesterday was a NSD, the 6th this month:T.

Today is 20 years since I got married. I haven't been looking forward to today but am being proactive and have planned a day out and picnic. Hoping to go to a NT place that is a little further afield. On Monday I fought a flask so the plan is to fill it with hot water and take tea bags, coffee and hot chocolate sachets to make drinks. I made chocolate brownies yesterday which are mainly intact. The toddler found the tray prior to cutting it into pieces and literally took a handful so we will have bizarrely shaped brownies today:rotfl:.

The ex wanted me to stay in on Monday and today to sign for a parcel he was having delivered here:wall::wall::wall::wall::wall:. I refused, explaining that on both days I had made plans. I suggested to him that in future to ask to have parcels directed to a business he does lots of work for.

crazy_cat_lady

Well done for standing up to him. I'm really pleased to read that!
Try and be kind to yourself today - I know it will be tough.

Honeysucklelou2

I enjoyed the day out with the children yesterday. We went a little further afield, so explored a NT place that I hadn't been to, then went to a lake which has a stunning walk around parts of it. The flask kept the water nice and hot so DD3 and I were able to enjoy hot chocolate and tea respectively. The picnic went down well and I think we all benefited from a day outside.

Being Wednesday, the ex cooked for the children. It was tricky as he'd bought flowers,chocolates and a card, which if we had been in a healthy loving relationship would have been thoughtful but the card in particular felt weird. It had a verse inside about how happy I make him, which I clearly didn't/don't because we wouldn't be in the current situation if he was happy. The other weird thing is that he doesn't give the flowers, card etc to me himself, he gets DD2 to do it, so I can't refuse, but then it feels like it's a show for the children. That probably makes me sound horribly ungrateful, but knowing his attitude towards respect and responsibility, it makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy.

Today 2 of the children have a planned activity day, so will be fitting in house/allotment/work jobs around transporting them to the activity day.

crazy_cat_lady

Sounds like a lovely day out with the kids. I am quite annoyed with your ex though - still trying to retain all control. It's not fair of him using the kids like that though. :mad: