From debt to freedom...

crazy_cat_lady

I am chuffed that things are finally starting to move in terms of a court date...

Spendless

I'm another one pleased you have a court date at last. At least you know have your first timescale to work to.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Janb5, CCL & Spendless.

Almost at the end of term, one more week to go - well 4 days to be precise. I’m ready for the Easter break! Having been physically  at work throughout the lockdown, it seems about time for the end of term!! Still not sure when job 2 is starting again. I think pubs can reopen on April 12th but only for outdoor service. Not sure if that will be viable or not for us but could do with chatting to my boss there to be certain.

I’ve had a chat with my boss from job no 1 to clarify my working hours next academic year. I need to start looking for an extra day a week elsewhere to try and increase my income. 

I’ve spent quite some time mulling over different scenarios re living arrangements for the future. I’m very concerned that my mortgage prospects are not great and I may have difficulty getting a mortgage in my own name for the house in which I live now with the children. House prices around here are crazy...post lockdown, understandably many are choosing to move into the area which then has an affect  on house prices.  On one of my early solicitor visits, shared ownership was suggested, which I hadn’t come across before. Not sure I totally understand it, but on checking Rightmove, there are some being built in the nearest big town. It might be an option. I want to be prepared for whatever the judge says. I’ve continued ploughing through Form E and have a folder full of statements to hand in to the solicitors tomorrow.  I have to give 12 months statements for each account. I realise I have taken the idea of pots to the the point of having 14 different accounts. Each one, in my financial notebooks, has a purpose eg car costs, house maintenance, gifts, savings for a new sofa, the EF, etc. I hadn’t ever counted them up before, hence the need for a folder! A couple of accounts are online only so I’ve rung up and asked for printed copies for the last 12 months. I’ve also written some explanatory notes for the solicitor to go with the form along with some issues that I feel need resolving such as the ongoing unsolicited visits from the ex and his volatile dog.

Garden wise, the first sow of tomatoes have gone to the allotment greenhouse, as have the larkspur that I potted on yesterday. The verbena seedlings now have true leaves which I’m really pleased about. Cornflowers and cerinthe need potting on rather urgently.  I got some cucumbers, kale and tomatoes  sown yesterday. I’m not sure that the peas and sunflowers, sown last week, will germinate. I think a small rodent has got in and nibbled the seeds. I thought the sunflowers especially would have been ok. Very frustrating as the door is obviously shut, there are no windows, so digging under the greenhouse frame is the only way in but I’ve not seen any holes 🤔🤷‍♀️.

MSE wise, I’ve paid £25 off a debt. I’ve had to dip into savings to get the Easter eggs for the children as I just couldn’t stretch the budget. The children are very keen to continue our tradition of an  Easter egg hunt at the allotment! Extra spending has gone out for DD1’s birthday gift. I was disappointed that I couldn’t get what I had hoped as it was just too expensive but I was able to get something else she had mentioned . Her birthday is this week coming so will have to collaborate with DD2 to see what we can do as a birthday cake. It will be so lovely to celebrate with her this year as her 21st last year was in lockdown at uni.

Have a good Sunday everyone!

Spendless

Do you think it's likely you will be told to sell the house or it needs to be moved into your sole name?

My friends in this position, admittedly some years ago, ended up where a charge was put on the house that their ex was entitled to so much (£s or %) at the point the house was either sold or my friends re-married/co-habited up until the youngest child left education (up to finishing sixth form not Uni). It's some years ago though (around 20) and this might not be what happens nowadays.

Hope your daughter has a good birthday, especially after last year. At the beginning of the month my DS had his 21st in the current lockdown and my daughter's birthday is also next week. It's her 18th so glad some restrictions are lifting. 

Parkyp

It would be a shame if you had to move to another area especially with the younger kids getting out on those walks is amazing for them. I don’t think I’d class older children as dependents, I’d just say how many children you have still ask school. The older children have jobs they’re not dependent on you, yes you may help them out but so do parents help out kids not in education and in full time jobs. Does it suit you better for your ex visit at your home instead of takI got the children to his. 

It’s been miserable here all day trying to do 10k steps Each day, so I’ve got soaked on my walk. Hope your dd has a lovely birthday 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Spendless & Parkyp.

Spendless - I’ve heard of those charges before and seems a sensible way forward, it is a scenario I have suggested to the solicitor. Not sure what is more likely at this stage. 

Parkyp - the ex cooks for the children here because neither they nor I know where he lives.

Thank you for your good wishes for DD1.

Today has been spent mostly on paperwork. I finally got to the end of the form and have delivered it to the solicitor’s office, along with a folder of statements. Next up was a report that needed writing to follow up from a meeting last week.

Sadly not got out very much for gardening or walking as these paperwork tasks took so much time, but looking forward to the end of term later in the week.

janb5

Am I evil in saying that you could find out where he lives?
After all he comes to your house with the mastiff and also surveys what you"re doing....and has an unsolicited rummage.....it would be great to turn the tables on him and go around to his house but cause havoc!
And he isn`t contributing to his family... just nasty.

Spendless

I hope that is something that is addressed in the court because when you finally do make it official he can't expect his access to continue by him turning up at your house and just seeing the kids there. I totally understand it, if he lives in a bedroom in a shared house and it's just not practical to take the kids back, but then why not just say. I've been suspicious he's been hiding something for a very long time (though I'll give the disclaimer that I'm naturally cynical)

What a beautiful day it was yesterday. Almost as though the weather was saying the clocks changed so it's officially British summer time and we'll celebrate the easing of restrictions.  It's already Easter hols where I live. I see it's been confirmed you can visit the seaside if you wish, so maybe you could go visit that beach you talked about but was worried if it counted as outside of your area. 

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Janb5 & Spendless.

Janb5 - that did make me smile, although wouldn’t know where to start!

Spendless - interestingly that’s something that DD1 asked me the other day. I would hope that when it’s all sorted access could be different to the current arrangement.  I hadn’t heard about beach visits being ok so I am looking forward to the end of term even more! My favourite beach is 10 miles from where we live and I haven’t been there for months. It’s quite a sheltered beach and not subject to the larger waves of the other beaches. Not so good for surfing but fabulous for paddle boarding. It’s the kind of beach I could happily take a rug, a flask and a book and stay all day. There are numerous  rock pools for the children to explore and a huge beach when the tide is out. 

Yesterday ( Tuesday) was a lovely day at work but stressful outside of work 😔. I ended up taking the elderly lurcher for an amble at the allotment, so that I could water the seedlings. Happily some peas are germinating so the greedy rodent didn’t get them all! We went for a small walk following a public footpath near to the allotment. The elderly lurcher was quite sprightly and enjoyed sniffing at the rabbit burrows in evidence, making one section of the hedge look like a rabbit city!  At the top of the little lane there is an old bridge from which you can see for miles around. It was so peaceful, a tonic after the stress of the day. All that could be heard was birdsong, the lambs and sheep calling to each other in the field behind me and the odd dog bark from the village way below. I enjoy looking at the patchwork effect of the fields in the distance, quite a few now a chocolate brown colour from recent ploughing, others a very pale lime green from new growth from a recent sowing and others a deep green as the grass starts to grow.

Pieta77

Hi Honeysucklelou2

I’ve read your whole diary and I’m very impressed how you keep going and look after your kids. I wish to have a half of your strength and resilience. I’m usually a secret lurker but wanted to suggest something regarding remortgaging your house. Have you considered a joint mortgage with one of your adult kids. My impression is that an issue is to find a bank that would agree to remortgage on your sole name rather than paying monthly mortgage instalments. This arrangement has its pros and cons but it may be an option for you.