From debt to freedom...

crazy_cat_lady

Thank god for lovely parents eh? You and your dad.
Hope all is well and DD1 has recovered.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL. Indeed, I do thank God for my parents. They have been such a help. DD1 was asleep when we got there last night and slept most of the way back home. These episodes really exhaust her. I'm very glad to be back home and have all of my children under the same roof for a few days:). I'm very thankful to DD2 as well who ably held the fort while DD3 and I travelled

I think it will be a lazy day for the remainder of today. We have enough left over cake and puddings to keep us going without needing to cook too much today.

crazy_cat_lady

You have your family all together again, loads of cake - you couldn't need anything more Enjoy your time, and try and relax.

Drawingaline

Hope you dd is feeling better soon, and yey for your dad helping out.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL & Drawing a line.

Yesterday I really struggled to shake off a low mood, not quite sure why. I took most of the children to my parents house for a New Year meal. They had chance to see DD1 and it's always a treat to eat food I haven't had to cook . I used the people carrier, which is the first decent length journey In it for 3 weeks or so ( Took the borrowed car from my dad to drive to the uni town). I could still hear the intermittent noise but not sure if it's a door rattle type noise rather than an engine one.

On our return the ex's vehicle was here but no one at home. About 10 minutes later the ex turned up with DS1 and proceeded to take a bath and settle himself here for the evening. I find it so difficult because if I object , it will cause a scene with the ex and DS1, who will always take his side. Since I don't want the other children witnessing unpleasantness I tend to keep silent but then feel really tense and on edge all evening. The ex hasn't been in contact with the children since before Christmas Eve, despite the older children texting him on Christmas Day and me and DS1 trying to ring whenI had to get DD1. I know he needs to see the children and they need time with him, that's fine, I just wish he would have the courtesy to let us know when. On top of that his dog attacked 2 of our dogs during the evening yesterday :mad::mad::mad:. One of our dogs has a lump on his cheek/jowl that we'll need to keep an eye on. Just checked, the whole side of his face is swollen .

I put DS3 to bed and ended up staying in the bedroom, even dozed off! I came to at 11.40 - the ex was still here. The older DDs were walking to the village centre for midnight, so I went with them, leaving the ex here with the DSs. I just couldn't bear to have the falseness of seeing in the new year in the same room. The atmosphere was lovely in the village and I saw various friends and neighbours . The fireworks at midnight were a colourful show and as they were going off I thought about my grandmother. She had such a zest for life. People often expressed surprise when they found out her age because she always had so much energy and enjoyed life, taking joy in simple pleasures. If I could emulate her, that zest for life would be a good start. Too much time in the last decade has been taken up with trying to shore up an unhealthy and failing marriage and then deal with adjusting to single parenthood. I decided last night, or rather in the early hours of this morning, that the pain of the last decade cannot be allowed to overshadow this new year and new decade.

When we returned from the village centre, the ex left and immediately I was able to relax. DD2 put some music on and we ( the adult children and I ) had a pleasant couple of hours playing a themed trivial pursuit game:T.

I need to get some work done today as it looks like tomorrow will be taken up with taking DD1 back to uni. I need to make sure that I get out for a walk today as well. I need to factor this in daily because the days I don't get out for a walk are definitely lower days.

Honeysucklelou2

I did make a list of goals for 2020, which included walking and fitness based goals. On the house front, I feel I need to be more organised and productive ŵith time so my plan is to tackle a room a month. Each room will have a deep clean, walls washed and repainted where needed and decluttered.

XSpender

Happy new year, I hope it is a great one for you and the children x

janb5

I know we dont `know` you but I was incensed when I read your post that your ex chose to have a bath on NYD.......!

Poor lamb...doesn`t he have a bath or more likely was this a passive aggressive stance? Grrrrr!

I was so impressed by your reaction although it must have taken every sinew of your being to behave in such a dignified way.

I do hope that all his behaviour is being recorded and I do hope it wont be too long now that a settlement can be reached so you don`t have to endure this much longer.

Wishing you a calm and healthy New Year. xx

Cherryfudge

Happy New Year!

I do see your dilemma about your ex... but am I reading too much into it when you say that you left him in charge and when you got back, he left? Perhaps that's a key to restricting his use of your home: leave him with a responsibility and be out of the house? I think you could reasonably ask him not to bring that particular dog again and add that there may be vet fees for the injury to your poor dog...

I like your goals (probably healthier than resolutions!) very much: mine are similar (though I called them 'resolutions' for want of thinking that part through) but your house-based ones are more systematic than mine, which are a big list of things that need fixing. A room-by-room declutter with a fresh lick of paint is so nice...

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you XSpender, Janb5 and Cherryfudge.

I did go to the village ( about 4 minute walk) leaving DD4 and DS3 asleep. DS1 & 2 were here along with the ex and I made sure that they were intending to remain here before I left. I was probably gone for 15 minutes tops. It is tricky as I've left the ex in charge of the children before and come back to find he's gone before I've got back . It's different now that the older ones are old enough to look after the younger ones but I always try to make sure that an older child is around/here before leaving the younger ones so that if the ex does go off, the younger ones are ok, if that makes sense. So in last night's case I made sure DS1 ( 18 in a few weeks) was intending to be here before going. It's probably a belts and braces approach but I have known the ex go off in a huff before at the slightest thing.

On a day to day basis though, I think you're right Cherryfudge. I think I need to plan better the evenings that he cooks for the children, making sure an older child or 2 is around but not necessarily be here. If I'm not here, I won't be stressed or on edge in his presence. Easier to do in the summer as I can happily wander across a beach for the evening but need to think carefully for winter evenings.