Should I insist on taking money gifted by OH's parent?

happyandcontented

You could say you want to have something concrete/tangible to tell his family that you bought with it.

Houseplant26

happyandcontented wrote: »

You could say you want to have something concrete/tangible to tell his family that you bought with it.

Best answer!

Money_maker

The drinking problem is a bit of a worry? Is he addressing it?

rach_k

I'd tell him to check with his parents and grandma! If they do indeed say it's really for him, fair enough, let him have it (but also don't feel obliged to have any input into the gifts for them next year, or to pay for your own travel), but I'd imagine he'd be too embarrassed to ask them as it's pretty childish and selfish. If that's the case, he should realise he's being unfair and unreasonable so you can tell him to think again.

Lrimas

Money_maker wrote: »

The drinking problem is a bit of a worry? Is he addressing it?

Nope. Like all high functioning alcoholics he does not believe that he has a problem.

I occasionally complain or he'll deside to go on a diet and then he will stop for a week or two. It never lasts long though.

yllop1101

I have been in a similar-ish situation with my partner... His parents and grandparents generously give us money sometimes for no reason, but straight into his bank account. He will always tell me (as far as I know) however the difference is he genuinely means to give me half, but just forgets. He is bad with collecting what money is owed to him as well as transferring money to others, and I often feel so guilty reminding him as I feel like it is his family so maybe he should keep it. He always does either give me half or spend it on a meal put (as he often pays anyway) as it is unintentional, and also he knows his grandparents will ask what we spent it on, as they want us to enjoy it.

Your partner sounds much less reasonable in that he actually wants to keep it for himself. I would remind him that it was given as a gift to the both of you, and you should both choose how to spend it, whether you buy something to share, or divide it up equally between you both to then spend on what you like. I think it would be very selfish of him to keep it, as it wasn't intended just for him. You've been a part of the family for 5 years and his family clearly wish to treat you as such and give you gifts. The amount your family give to you both is redundant.

Person_one

Lrimas wrote: »

Any thoughts?

Is there any way you can get rid of your boyfriend but keep his family? They sound lovely, he doesn't really.

springdreams

If it was obvious that the parents and grandma intended you to also benefit from the money as well as your OH, then yes I would insist on receiving your share. If they only intended him to benefit from it, then I would not insist.

I would also make him pay for all future trips to visit his family if he wants to hold on to all the money for himself, so that you are not paying to visit his family.