Should I insist on taking money gifted by OH's parent?

Lrimas

We go and visit OHs parents in Germany about twice a year.

His parents are loaded and frequently gives us cash gifts. As an example, last year they repaid the money we spent on the eurotunnel. They also gave us a written "voucher" for a weekend break (that I was actually rather excited about) but OH convinced them to give us the money so we can us it to buy something for the house.

The problem is that they paid the money into OHs account directly and it evaporated away (mostly spent beer as he has a drinking problem).

This year his dad took us shopping for Christmas presents but I only bought myself a small gift as things were way too expensive for MSE me. His dad gave me a small cash gift to buy myself something for Christmas and OHs grandma gave us a fairly large cash gift to get something for the house.

This year they gave it to us in cash (Euro) and my plan was to pay it into our shared account. I can then enforce that it is used for something for the house as I am in charge of the shared finances.

Only problem is that OH is hinting that he should have the money as it is his parents who gave it to us

On the one hand he is right: My parents are fairly poor and only ever gives us small token gifts. Before he met me he would have received the entire cash amount.

On the other hand I feel it is a bit unfair that I have to pay to visit his parents while he gets paid to do it (it is a lot less fun for me than it is for him ). I also think that I wouldn't appreciate it if I gave someone a cash gift and someone else spent it on beer (even if the someone else is direct family).

Any thoughts? Anyone in a similar situation?

happyandcontented

If your OH already has a personal gift from the family and the money was given to be used on the house, then yes, I think that you would be correct to ensure it is used for that.

clairec79

the gift to you is to YOU

The one from grandma I'd pay into the shared account (or if he didn't want to do that part in each persons account)

Torry_Quine

I think you're right. I wouldn't think the giver would want it to be frittered away.

Marvel1

Lrimas wrote: »

On the other hand I feel it is a bit unfair that I have to pay to visit his parents while he gets paid to do it

Tell him this, as until I got to this point I felt it was his parents and he can spend it however he wishes.

Lrimas

Thanks . I just needed someone else to say it is ok to use it for its intended purpose.

When we started dating both of us were horrible with money and things like these did not bother me. It is only now that I'm starting to try to save as much as possible that it is becoming an issue.

I do feel like it is a driving a bit of a wedge between us, and it is a bit unfair towards OH as it is me that changed and not him.

Proxima_Centauri

Do you mind me asking, how old are you both?

Lrimas

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

Do you mind me asking, how old are you both?

I'm 35 and he is 30. We've been dating for about 5 years now (and to be honest, he reminds me a lot of how I was when I was 30 )

Edit: We also don't need the money. We can easily afford most things we want/need

Mupette

Tell him that seeing as he drank your half of last years present, he can't be trusted.

McKneff

Is he normally greedy......

Lrimas

McKneff wrote: »

Is he normally greedy......

Nope, not greedy at all. Completely irresponsible and careless when it comes to money, but not greedy.

Between the two of us I'm the greedy one. I insist on tracking every penny (despite not having to).

I think he believes that I'm being unreasonable and that the money is rightfully his as it is his parents who gave it to us. It is also the first year where I'm not just allowing him to take it which I think he finds confusing.