Been Told By Father I have Bipolar???????

Bogalot

Mojisola wrote: »

No, she doesn't. Her father is an adult and could have help from other sources but is refusing to accept that help.

One of her children is an adult too. Does responsibility for loved ones end once they reach adulthood?

I don't see what the fuss is about. Dad probably sees daughter as being up and down and (wrongly) equates that to bipolar. Autism is often misdiagnosed as bipolar in adult females, they can present similarly. So if professionals can get it wrong, I wouldn't be taking offence at a well meaning relative.

Doody

Deannatrois, might it be worth considering a frank talk with your father? I know that keeping things level isn't easy when personal emotions are involved but it does help.

I'd like to throw out the idea that you say something on the lines of 'Dad, do you remember suggesting that I have BPD? That suggestion made me feel (describe ... vulnerable ... anger .. hurt ... not listened to ...) as I actually have a diagnosis of ASD which explains what you see in me.'

As I said, throwing the idea into the mix for you to pick up or leave as you will.

The other issue is him refusing other help. Perhaps you could start a discussion with something like 'Dad, you know my life is very stressful with my own condition and supporting the boys. Would you be willing to look at what extra help can be given by Social Care so that (detailing what you do for him) is not completely my responsibility.

By the way, I've been lurking around here for a long time and seen your advice to others and always considered you a very level headed person. I am most likely on the spectrum myself, with a very definite but undiagnosed brother and husband and a diagnosed son. When the subject of autism comes up, I look for what you have to say on the matter. Thanks for your input.

Doody

Dird wrote: »

Just saying

Autism should be erased from the English language. Never heard of it when I was in school, now everyone apparently has it

That is extraordinarily unhelpful. The fact that you had not heard of it in school means nothing, In fact, many older people who now struggle could well have been helped if more had been known about the condition when they were growing up.

When a study shows that people with 'high functioning' autism have a nine fold increase in suicide levels, it is clear that more support is needed. And more education for people with attitudes like yourself.

Mojisola

Bogalot wrote: »

One of her children is an adult too. Does responsibility for loved ones end once they reach adulthood?

I've done years of caring for children with health problems and frail older family members while managing my own health issues - there is only so much one person can do.

I don't think it matters what the relationship is - to my mind it's more who needs the care/time most.

If one person needing care has the opportunity of getting help from another source but is refusing to accept it, that's putting undue pressure on the carer to spread herself more thinly and risk her own well-being.

Person_one

Bogalot wrote: »

One of her children is an adult too. Does responsibility for loved ones end once they reach adulthood?

Well, technically yes. Caring for another adult, even if they are a family member, even if they are your child, is always a choice. Lots of people do feel a sense of responsibility, lots of people want to provide care because of how they feel about that family member, but they are well within their rights to choose not to do it for any reason. In practice it can be much harder to actually stop.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sounds like he's trying to be helpful - especially with the attempt at reassurance about it being treatable.

It is OK to tell him to stop being so bloody stubborn and get more help if it's available/have a reassessment from the doctor if his meds aren't helping as much as they used to, as there are developments in treating Parkinson's as well as Bipolar


By the way, I know somebody very well who has Parkinson's, but has never breathed a word of it to his family - it's obvious, he takes medication for it, but he just won't say the phrase. He has told you, which could be him admitting vulnerability/trusting you in a way he wouldn't anybody else - maybe he was trying to bring the subject up of what causes you difficulties in a similar way to show that you didn't need to keep it secret and could talk to him about it for emotional support, rather than to upset you, and got it wrong because he didn't know what your assessment had been and isn't an expert?



Whatever, it is fundamentally a choice to do anything for any adult, but don't refuse to be around on the offchance that he's had the right intention but the wrong words, rather than saying it deliberately to trigger memories of you being abused by other people.

(PS, not every person with bipolar disorder talks to walls or hangs off the ceiling, any more than every person with ASD is Rainman - could part of your strong reaction to him suggesting it again be due to not really understanding the condition yourself?)

[Deleted User]

My strong reaction comes from a nightmare childhood when my nuttiness was used to explain away the abuse of both my parents (mother and stepfather). I grew up not trusting my own memories. It gives leave to some feelings when my father says that he thinks I have biplar.., where judgement may also be off due to the condition at times. I actually pride myself on being fairly level headed and logical, in spite of some difficulties because of my past. I am afraid, being around him often does bring up emotional stuff from my past. I can struggle with that. I do want to care for my dad but its not overly easy.

Unfortunately because of the distance from me my father lives, it is very difficult to get there and back and look after the children. Neither of the children travel well and they get overwhelmed quickly. He needs daily care.., but I just can't do it physically, or financially (£20 a time and I'm on benefits). I have to be honest, I find just looking after the kids overwhelming. I don't sleep much as you can see lol. If I could look after everyone, I would, without complaint, I am a carer by nature. I've spent hours cooking healthy easy to eat food for my dad, I clean when I go there, but I can't be there often enough.

I've tried to persuade him to accept help, but he just keeps refusing. So have other people. He has one paid helper once a week so he can have a shower.

But having said all that, I will do what I can. Its what I do. I do have to be a tad careful of overstretching because I have a few health problmes myself and I tend to make things worse by not relaxing.

And I didn't mention, my father is almost totally deaf or has problems processing sounds even with a hearing aid. So I write things down to communicate with him. It makes persuading a bit more difficult.

I want to thank you all for replying, I was a bit cut up by the Biplar diagnosis from my father and you've given me food for thought, and support that has helped.

Kim_kim

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But she has as much responsibility for her father as she does for her children.

I don't think we do.

We don't choose to be born, we choose to have children.
I have chosen to be a mother, I have a responsibility to do that to the best of my abilities.

I did not choose to be a daughter.
If you have a close supportive relationship with parents it's likely that grown children will support their parents as they get older.

Trina90

More a response to Dird but for some reason I can't quote from my phone.. ASD is 'everyone' now as they are so good at diagnosing it now. Back then they weren't.

My Fiance is on the high end of the spectrum, diagnosed when he was 4. It is very much real for him, especially through his school years.

Your comment is usually made by people about ADHD. That is the one that people think 'all naughty kids' are wrongly labelled as.

[Deleted User]

Yes I have to agree. Even ten years ago, my now 20 year old son was displaying quite strange behaviour and isolating himself, and it was seen as naughtiness. He still had ASD, quite clearly, but it wasn't seen as such. Even in the last ten years, there is much more awareness of ASD sumptoms (although only amongst those who are receptive, there will always be people who refuse to see what is in front of their faces). The different perceptions does not mean autism doesn't exist. Just that not everyone is prepared to see it.

Obviously I am female and females are proven to be better than males at 'normalising' when autistic. I isolated myself. I didn't make a single friend. I read compulsively, even walking along a footpath, I didn't always understand rules (very literal). I was called a book worm, I was a loner.., but high functioning autism wasn't recognised, only the sort where kids couldn't communicate at all. I am 50 now, I would never have been diagnosed as a child. The symptoms were there. It was still autism. It just wasn't recognised. Its not that it wasn't there although I realise its a nice trite thing to say. We should be grateful that there is more understanding of these behavioours as understanding is the only road to help control them. Dismissing these behaviours as naughtiness changes nothing.

Someone who has seen an ASD assessment would realise how thorough they are, and how autism is shown. People who make the above comments have never had this experience. My younger son's father didn't see his son could have ASD until he saw the tests, and how his son did in these tests. Then he started to see what ASD was, and how it could alter things.He was describing how my older son can talk and even shout to himself to my son's social worker with a look of irritation - and the social worker laughed and said 'Welcome to my world' as this is common for people with ASD. But my ex saw, until that point, this as being inconsiderate controllable behaviur (naughty behaviour).

I remember my younger son making some straw figures all day (lots of fine motor control), then at the end of the day he went crazy, running around the classroom, under desks, over desks like a mad thing. He was given detention until I went into the school. It was pure ASD reaction to stress - he'd reached a point where he couldn't cope anymore after a day of trying to very hard to cope (he tends to try until he just can't anymore and then the world explodes). A little bit of anticipation could have prevented the running around. But it was seen as naughtiness rather than a failure of the school to prevent. This is called naughtiness.., not stress related, not ASD behaviour by those that don't see what ASD is.