Been Told By Father I have Bipolar???????

[Deleted User]

OK., I have two children with ASD, been diagnosed recently myself. I also get a bit depressed sometimes and sometimes a bit stressed (tiredness and there's a lot of stuff to deal with) but deal with it all as best as I can.

My dad, whose 82 told me a couple of days ago that I shouldn't get upset but he thinks I have Bipolar.., but not to worry, it can be treated. He brought it up a couple of years ago as well. Its obviously a lingering diagnosis in his head. I told him that I actually have autism (I did tell him was being assessed but didn't go into details). Was assessed very thoroughly by the Royal Maudsley so anything else would have shown up and been discussed as a possibility (was also assessed for ADHD).

I have never ever even been close to Manic lol. More in the depths because of things life throws at you sometimes. But you cope, you have to when there's so much that needs to be done (with two children with ASD and related problems).

It has upset me a bit. I had a childhood where my parents (mother and stepfather) tried to accuse me of being insane so I'd think things that had happened hadn't, and things that didn't happen had (it wasn't a good childhood). So I always questioned my sanity.

My dad needs my care (he has Parkinsons quite badly) but at the moment I feel like I don't want see him again lol. I hate people tossing quite serious mental health labels around thinking they know what they are talking about. It makes me feel quite vulnerable to know he thinks I have Bipolar. I suppose that won't make much sense. I don't really know how to face him. It takes a lot of confidence away somehow to know he thinks I have Bipolar. My confidence isn't what it could be at the best of times.

whitewing

If at 82, he said you have 'bipolar' then it could be viewed that he cares enough to think about you and potentially discuss you with someone who may have some understanding of mental health. My grandmother always said (wrongly) that they didn't have mh problems in her day - "you just got on with it". So it is encouraging to me that at his age, he can even consider someone he is related to having something that many people would pretend doesn't exist.

He has got it wrong - as you say, he is not an expert. He is using modern terminology (as far as I know). Maybe he has heard about Stephen Fry and sees some similarities. Again, to me, that is encouraging. He may not be open enough, or have a good enough memory now to retain and understand your own more accurate diagnosis, but just gently correct him but don't expect him to remember.

You know your family - is there any 'bright side' that you could find in the situation? (It would help me deal with my own situation).

[Deleted User]

Not really I'm afraid. I'm struggling a little bit juggling everything that needs to be done. My father and I don't really get on in the traditional father/daughter way.., he's a bit changeable and disappeared for years after he and my mother divorced. I'm doing what I'm doing because I can't leave a human being as alone as he is in a very difficult situation. Parkinsons isn't good. But he makes it harder by not accepting any help. Told me he was only able to get around on all fours yesterday morning. Can't get out the house, but will accept very little help from SS's. As far as he's concerned that's what family is for. So I am a bit (sorry) resentful that he just doesn't seem to appreciate the situation this forces me into at times with my two sons who need a little more support than usual. To have him throw Bipolar at me again (at least he wasn't telling me I'd gotten larger this time) after what I thought was a good visit was a bit of a shock. I suppose the only funny thing is that I swear I wasn't talking to the wall or hanging off the ceiling or anything.

Sorry, lots I'm leaving out so probably not very understandable.

Lets just say contact with family, in my case, always leaves me with lots of conflicting emotions lol. But will just grit my teeth and get on with it. Wearing noise blocking ear plugs would probably help (joke). I can't say too much because I think being an awkward so and so is keeping him alive lol., I don't want to knock that in him. Sometimes I want to give him a good shake and say something starting with 'for gods sake.., and including the word stupid ' but of course, I can't. If it keeps him going being like that, so be it.

Thank you, feel better for writing it down. Its when you stew over something it gets damaging. Thank goodness I have a dry sense of humour lol.

whitewing

Can you get help for your sons to assist you in caring for your father? (I expect it doesn't work like that!)

I don't really know about bipolar, but I do have elderly relatives who get stuck on thoughts and memories from a number of years ago. This may be an old thought coming up again, rather than a new 'observation' from him. I would try and let it wash off you. If you are tired then I guess it sticks more than it may do normally.

Can you get some kind of emotional support for yourself, even if it is only ringing a telephone helpline to destress after each contact with him, or before you go to bed?

BrassicWoman

you are not alone! Old people who won't take help are a PITA. Some forms of dementia accompany Parkinsons, I would perhaps be pleased he can grasp complex concepts for now, no matter how wrong he is.

[Deleted User]

You are right. I don't know if its getting older or Parkinsons or both, but aspects of his psyche have gotten more 'awkward'. He's as sharp as a button, always been very clever but he's becoming very very stubborn. I should imagine a lot of it is protective, trying to keep as much status quo as he can.

As said, I think his 'awkwardness' is keeping him going. Parkinsons is no fun and he's completely on his own day to day. Yes, he could make his life a bit easier by accepting SS's help, I'd be so happy if he lived nearer (or I was nearer him) and I could go round every day but its his choice to not move and I have to respect that. A move is difficult at any age and at his age (with my previous nursing experience) I can appreciate even persuading him to move (that would be a big effort) could cause him to go quicker than he's going to. He's 82, way too late to expect him to change. I just have to let what he says wash over me lol.

I've discovered today that if I don't react (try to persuade him to do what he's saying he doesn't want to) he tends to come round to a sensible solution as long as I don't protest too much lol. I asked him if he'd like to come out for a family meal as my older son is turning 21 soon, he said no, he couldn't cope with a celebration. Told him he'd obviously confused my family with another, neither boy can cope with loud extended celebrations, we were just thinking of going for a quick meal near him so he could join in (we are completely boring lol). But if he wasn't happy with the idea, that was fine. He replied suggesting a place we could go to, further away than I was originally suggesting. Now I just have to sort car transport lol.

dancing_star

Just tell him someone with bipolar isn't fit to be running around looking after him, so he'll have to get his help elsewhere.

Mojisola

deannatrois wrote: »

I have two children with ASD, been diagnosed recently myself.

I also get a bit depressed sometimes and sometimes a bit stressed (tiredness and there's a lot of stuff to deal with) but deal with it all as best as I can.

My dad needs my care (he has Parkinsons quite badly)

deannatrois wrote: »

As said, I think his 'awkwardness' is keeping him going. Parkinsons is no fun and he's completely on his own day to day.

Yes, he could make his life a bit easier by accepting SS's help

You've got a lot to cope with in your own family - your father does not need your care - he needs help but you don't have to put your own and your children's needs in second place in order to provide it.

missbiggles1

Mojisola wrote: »

You've got a lot to cope with in your own family - your father does not need your care - he needs help but you don't have to put your own and your children's needs in second place in order to provide it.

But she has as much responsibility for her father as she does for her children.

Mojisola

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But she has as much responsibility for her father as she does for her children.

No, she doesn't. Her father is an adult and could have help from other sources but is refusing to accept that help.

missbiggles1

Mojisola wrote: »

No, she doesn't. Her father is an adult and could have help from other sources but is refusing to accept that help.

We'll have to disagree or we'll take the thread off course.:)