Sending a card to an elderly relative or friend? VENT

SpammyTheSpammer

Please put a return address on the card or envelope.
I am holding LPoA for an close elderly relative, with Altzheimers, who is now in a care home. Have redirected their post to my home address so that I can handle it.
She had received several Xmas cards to date, only one had a full name and address. The others only had a signed first name, often unreadable, so that I cannot even look up their names in the old address book to inform them of the situation.
Use one of those freebie personalised stickers that you get from the charities if that helps. Otherwise write your name/address on the back of the card, preferably in block caps so that it is readable.
Frankly this whole thing is very upsetting for me....

marliepanda

I'm not sure if you're actually being serious about it being upsetting, but this is what you signed up for when you got the post redirected.

Just take the card to your relative and say 'look you've got a card from John' and let that be the end of it. If he's anything like my grandad was with Alzheimer's it may trigger a memory from his last to chat about when you're there.

Hermia

marliepanda wrote: »

I'm not sure if you're actually being serious about it being upsetting, but this is what you signed up for when you got the post redirected.

Just take the card to your relative and say 'look you've got a card from John' and let that be the end of it. If he's anything like my grandad was with Alzheimer's it may trigger a memory from his last to chat about when you're there.

I agree. The problem is people in that age group often send out a lot of cards (my mum used to send out 100 and she wasn't unusual among her friends) so writing 100 addresses in block capitals would have taken ages. And I haven't had any free address stickers from charities in years. I agree re: taking the cards to show your relative. The thing is the cards will start to peter out when people don't get one in return as they will guess that an elderly person is too ill or has passed on. Unfortunately dealing with random mail is something that you can't avoid.

SpammyTheSpammer

marliepanda wrote: »

I'm not sure if you're actually being serious about it being upsetting, but this is what you signed up for when you got the post redirected.

Just take the card to your relative and say 'look you've got a card from John' and let that be the end of it. If he's anything like my grandad was with Alzheimer's it may trigger a memory from his last to chat about when you're there.

Because I took the cards to my relative, showed them & read out the name and they said "WHO?"

SpammyTheSpammer

Hermia wrote: »

I agree. The problem is people in that age group often send out a lot of cards (my mum used to send out 100 and she wasn't unusual among her friends) so writing 100 addresses in block capitals would have taken ages. And I haven't had any free address stickers from charities in years. I agree re: taking the cards to show your relative. The thing is the cards will start to peter out when people don't get one in return as they will guess that an elderly person is too ill or has passed on. Unfortunately dealing with random mail is something that you can't avoid.

Unfortunately this is now the 2nd year, no obvious diminution.

SpammyTheSpammer

Hermia wrote: »

...people in that age group often send out a lot of cards (my mum used to send out 100 and she wasn't unusual among her friends) so writing 100 addresses in block capitals would have taken ages.

Surely they have to write the address of the person on the front, its actually easier to put your own on the back?

marliepanda

200 addresses vs 100.

I've had a few cards in the post from people both old and young. I don't think any have had return addresses on.

If it is upsetting you can you not stop the mail redirection? Surely you can change the address on important accounts using your POA and it's now over a year since?

Mojisola

SpammyTheSpammer wrote: »

The others only had a signed first name, often unreadable, so that I cannot even look up their names in the old address book to inform them of the situation.

In a similar situation, we printed off a little message explaining the situation and sent it to everyone in his address book (obviously apart from the people who already knew what was going on).

SpammyTheSpammer

I wish, stuff is still coming through that requires attention. She was reasonably well off and had many investments but had not kept any documentation (shredded it all due to the dementia making her paranoid about paper with her name on it).
Frankly it makes me sad that I cannot tell these friends what has happened to her, they have taken the trouble to send her a card and I cannot reply.

SpammyTheSpammer

That's quite a good idea but the address book is years old, not been updated for ages, and we cannot find these people in it in the first place.
Also worry about how many of the people in that list are alive &/or still conscious.
Otherwise it would be problem solved. But thanks for the helpfull suggestion.

Mojisola

SpammyTheSpammer wrote: »

That's quite a good idea but the address book is years old, not been updated for ages, and we cannot find these people in it in the first place.

Also worry about how many of the people in that list are alive &/or still conscious.

Otherwise it would be problem solved. But thanks for the helpfull suggestion.

It was easier for us because I'd been helping manage his affairs so had more up-to-date information.

We put a return label on the envelopes and had a few back explaining the recipient was also in a care home or had died.

We found quite a few of his contemporaries used names other than their formal ones so the people sending the cards may well be in her address book. A card from "Johnnie" might actually be from Mr William Smith who picked up a nickname because of his fondness for a particular whisky.