comparing myself to others.

moon81

Hi folks,

My wife and I had our LBM a few months ago. 10 years of indiscriminate spending, plus a few big life events has led to the ugly figure of 47k unsecured debts.

We have made a real effort since August to reign it in. Debts have been moved to low or 0% and we have drastically overhauled our spending and and we are now able to pay off around £1700 per month.

The issue that I am having is that I can't help but compare myself to others and feel dreadful about the situation that we are in. It is very unlike me as I tend to be a 'glass half full' person, however I look at friends and colleagues who are a similar age to me and wonder how I got it so badly wrong! I feel like our life is on hold until we sort out this debt.

I see friends who are clearly in a much better position that we are, despite earning the same, or in some cases less than we do. I suppose I do feel jealous, even though it sounds ridiculous!!! I am not abdicating my responsibility though as this debt is totally our own doing.

Does anyone else struggle with these feelings? I know that others will probably be in debt too, but unlikely to the tune of 47k ( well, a little less than that now actually). Apparently the average unsecured debt in the UK is 10K per household - we are almost 5 times that

EssexHebridean

moon81 wrote: »

Hi folks,

My wife and I had our LBM a few months ago. 10 years of indiscriminate spending, plus a few big life events has led to the ugly figure of 47k unsecured debts.

We have made a real effort since August to reign it in. Debts have been moved to low or 0% and we have drastically overhauled our spending and and we are now able to pay off around £1700 per month.

The issue that I am having is that I can't help but compare myself to others and feel dreadful about the situation that we are in. It is very unlike me as I tend to be a 'glass half full' person, however I look at friends and colleagues who are a similar age to me and wonder how I got it so badly wrong! I feel like our life is on hold until we sort out this debt.

I see friends who are clearly in a much better position that we are, despite earning the same, or in some cases less than we do. I suppose I do feel jealous, even though it sounds ridiculous!!! I am not abdicating my responsibility though as this debt is totally our own doing.

Does anyone else struggle with these feelings? I know that others will probably be in debt too, but unlikely to the tune of 47k ( well, a little less than that now actually). Apparently the average unsecured debt in the UK is 10K per household - we are almost 5 times that

How do you know that they are? I'm guessing the majority of your friends and colleagues don't know about YOUR debt situation? They may well be looking at you and your family and assuming that everything in your garden is rosy too. The bottom line is, unless you have access to see someone's finances, you have NO idea how they're funding their lifestyles. The flashy car may be leased, and at the end of three years, after paying a LOT of cash out on it, will not be theirs to own. Their nice home might be mortgaged to the hilt. That fancy bathroom, or snazzy new kitchen extension might have been paid for by a loan from the bank. The designer clothes just could be lucky charity shop finds, and the brand new tech items, credit card funded, so if you want to be picky, not really "belonging" to the person who has them in their hand.

Start seeing value in the things you actually DO own - and use that as a focus to get that debt shifted as soon as you can. One day you will reach the point where you can look around you and know that everything you see, including the four walls surrounding it all, are bought and paid for - and I can categorically promise you that is the best feeling imaginable - FAR better than the latest gadget or shiny car, bought with someone else's money.

abby1234519

moon81 wrote: »

Hi folks,

My wife and I had our LBM a few months ago. 10 years of indiscriminate spending, plus a few big life events has led to the ugly figure of 47k unsecured debts.

We have made a real effort since August to reign it in. Debts have been moved to low or 0% and we have drastically overhauled our spending and and we are now able to pay off around £1700 per month.

The issue that I am having is that I can't help but compare myself to others and feel dreadful about the situation that we are in. It is very unlike me as I tend to be a 'glass half full' person, however I look at friends and colleagues who are a similar age to me and wonder how I got it so badly wrong! I feel like our life is on hold until we sort out this debt.

I see friends who are clearly in a much better position that we are, despite earning the same, or in some cases less than we do. I suppose I do feel jealous, even though it sounds ridiculous!!! I am not abdicating my responsibility though as this debt is totally our own doing.

Does anyone else struggle with these feelings? I know that others will probably be in debt too, but unlikely to the tune of 47k ( well, a little less than that now actually). Apparently the average unsecured debt in the UK is 10K per household - we are almost 5 times that

Yes. Yes. Yes

I struggle with my best friend buying a house with her boyfriend who she has been with for less than two years - she earns less than me but can afford it as they've been given a large deposit by family. Try really hard not to be bitter - but we could have bought a house by now if I hadn't got us into so much debt.

I completely understand!

MrsTinks

moon81 wrote: »

I see friends who are clearly in a much better position that we are

Well for starters - who do you know that? It could all be going on cards for all you know!

Keeping up with the Jones' is a massive problem for many people, as they say "Monkey see, monkey want" (mildly adjusted)

It's not an excuse and at least you have recognized the problem and are now working to fix it. You might want to post up an SOA and let us go through it with a fine tooth comb for you and see if there are other areas you can cut back on to really hoon through that debt

prosaver

It would depress me if i did.
Anyway you must of had a really good time blowing the 47k..
What did the ,
"Jones" do when you living it large, counting their pennies?
I haven't got much, but stable,
And have had a really good time ,
Carry on and forget them, enjoy yourselves

Ilona

Hello. Well done in making an effort to put right your mistakes. You didn't get it badly wrong, you made mistakes. You saw what other people were doing and you thought, 'I'll have some of that', but forgot to check whether you had enough money to cover it. Then you made the mistake of borrowing because you wanted to keep up.

Your life need not be on hold, you just have to find a different way of doing things, and by the sound of it you are making some progress. Happiness does not depend on owning stuff, and spending money which you haven't got. It's about finding ways to enjoy life which needn't involve a lot of money.

Take no notice of what other people are doing, they are probably in debt but they don't talk about it. Only concentrate on your life, what anyone else does, doesn't matter.

Personally people who flash the cash don't impress me one bit. There are rich people in my village, they swan around in Chelsea tractors, live in big houses, so what, I don't give a toss. I am happy to wear the badge of second hand Rose who buys clothes from charity shops, goes food shopping for yellow stickers, and rescues stuff out of skips.

Keep on doing the best for you, stuff the rest of them. :rotfl:
Ilona

PS. I see that other people are quicker than me at commenting. I need time to compose my words.

EssexHebridean

Unsurprisingly though Ilona, you, Mrs Tinks, and I have all said pretty much the same thing!

Ilona

EssexHebridean wrote: »

Unsurprisingly though Ilona, you, Mrs Tinks, and I have all said pretty much the same thing!

Yes, I read yours after I had finished mine. I'm a bit slow.

Think we ought for form a band. The Debt Busters.

Ilona

lessonlearned

EssexHebridean wrote: »

Unsurprisingly though Ilona, you, Mrs Tinks, and I have all said pretty much the same thing!

Add me to the list. I was going to say roughly the same so won't repeat it.

Moon......you have made a fantastic start. Give yourself a generous pat on the back.

I second what ilona has said......you don't need money To have fun, so many free and cheap things to do. It's all about being creative and not following the herd.

Go you own way, and march to the beat of your own drum, never mind what "everyone else" is up to.

I suggest you read some good money management books.

YOur Money or Your Life, the Millionaire Next Door, The Rules of Wealth.

All from the library of course........:D

There are loads of frugal/simple living blogs. I like Mr Moneymoustache.....Canadian but the same rules apply here in the U.K.

It's all about getting into the right mindset. Once you do that then paying down debt and saving money becomes fun.

Good luck and keep posting. Browse the various threads on here and you will learn loads of ways to speed up the debt busting and make your money go further.

lazer-zxr

Some perfect answers in here, from some very kind and knowledgable people. I've nothing to add to their contributions, but to say they are right.

The default assumption is others are not in debt. Who know's the reality?

Cat_Loving_Lady

I know exactly where you are coming from as I too have been in a similar position. My husband and I owed a similar amount it is now half that but it has meant 4 years of scrimping and scraping and going without (I hardly ever buy clothes for myself and have to analyse every penny I spend) and it is hard when you see others going on nice holidays, weekends away etc you cannot afford yourself. You just can't help comparing to others. However I try to focus on the positive things in my life to make me feel better and try not to dwell too often (although I do sometimes - we're human after all) and look forward to the day we will be debt free.