Festive Family Fallouts

Knightsuntold

Primrose wrote: »

Just tell the organiser that there will be people coming who are worried about how the drinks bill is going to be allocated and that in the interests of fairness to everybody, and to avoid ill feeling over the festive period you won't be coming unless there,s an arrangement that every family pays for their own drinks.

If everybody,s on email, do a "round robin" which will encourage some of the there's to join In and support the idea.

If I thought she would take it at face-value, I would do. The trouble is that there's a chance that she'll see it as a criticism, cancel the whole event, and then there will be months of family difficulty, which will be seen as my fault.

Knightsuntold

rach_k wrote: »

If you don't feel able to address it in advance, just announce on the day that you're asking the restaurant to do separate bills because you plan on drinking [insert something extravagantly expensive, whether you plan to order it or not] and you wouldn't dream of expecting everybody else to subsidise that. Anybody who isn't counting the pennies will hopefully be shamed into agreeing - who would honestly argue against paying their fair share in front of everybody? The only people who may feel obliged to disagree are those who do need to keep the spending down, so it's completely acceptable to ignore their polite objections.

Another brilliant idea - thank you.

JulieM

If we're in a group where some drink and others don't, the 'drinkers' only put the money in for the tip.

gettingtheresometime

Given her background, could you not have a discrete word with her and make a comment how the person who has been made redundant must be dreading Christmas with its extra expense , though I appreciate a wad of diplomacy wil be needed.

You could then wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea if the bill wasn't split equally, but if people wanted to buy drinks (whether that be for the party as a whole or individually) they paid for them as and when - a pay and drink basis if you like.

You could also suggest that everyone gives her the money for the meal beforehand as then you haven't got that hassle and everyone can relax without getting uptight about the drinkers v the non drinkers.

burnoutbabe

I would just say at the start, that you would prefer to pay for your own drinks.
And insist that that is what you are doing. Get another couple on your side to say "good idea, that suits up".
And then pay what you owe (plus tip)
If it makes it easier, stick to soft drinks so you have a clear cut reason for this.

WibblyGirly

You could always suggest soft drinkers split their drink bill and alcohol drinkers split theirs? Hopefully wouldn't take too long to work it out and is easier than asking the restaurant for individual bills.

poppystar

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Given her background, could you not have a discrete word with her and make a comment how the person who has been made redundant must be dreading Christmas with its extra expense , though I appreciate a wad of diplomacy wil be needed.

Also rather than present her with a solution why not say that you're sure she will understand the situation then ask her what she thinks is the best way to solve the problem.

If she likes to be in control and make everyone happy, as I think you are suggesting, then this might be a challenge she will be happy to rise to and will feel good at solving. Win, win!

Blackbeard_of_Perranporth

use rule 54344 of BoP.
Collect £20 a head for the nosh. Everyone then uses their own dosh for the drinks. Simple.

swingaloo

We were out for a meal last weekend with friends and we split the bill for food but all went to the bar to get rounds.

What I did notice though was that a J2O was more expensive than half a lager and a large coke dearer than a white wine.

burnoutbabe

swingaloo wrote: »

What I did notice though was that a J2O was more expensive than half a lager and a large coke dearer than a white wine.

thats often true.

However its a rare night when I have gone out and downed 8 large cokes. Now 8 glasses of white wines would be quite doable!