Festive Family Fallouts

Knightsuntold

I thought we'd got away with it this year, but no..... someone has suggested that the whole family meet up for a Christmas meal. In one way, this is great as we only really catch up at weddings and funerals these days, but in another way, it's a horror story. We have a set menu at 20 quid a head, which is ok for most of us. The problem is always the drinks bill, as some will just have a soft drink, and others may as well just drain the bottle, without the benefit of a glass. When the bill arrives, it's always divvied between the number that are there, which is unfair on the people who only have a soft drink. For me personally, I'm not too bothered, as if we were in a bar, I wouldn't think twice about buying a round in, but there's a couple who object on principle (and I do understand that) and another who has lost her job and is worried about how much she will be expected to pay. There's also the problem of people who drink more than they normally would, just so they can get their money's worth.

Does anyone have any tactful ideas on how to manage this situation, and make it a bit fairer across the board?

*Robin*

'Phone the restaurant now, and tell them each family / couple will be paying their own bills (ie. you do not want them to produce one bill for the whole party at the end of the meal).
Make sure everyone knows this before you all sit down..

Done deal. All those who are struggling financially will be grateful you've taken the initiative, and the "money's worth" brigade will know they've been rumbled.

Knightsuntold

I love that idea! The trouble is that the I could be treading on the toes of the one that organises it, and she's a full-time nightmare if you cross her. There must be some way of suggesting this, without upsetting her. You've certainly given me something to work with.

onomatopoeia99

Sttandard problem with large groups in restaurants, the "moneysaving" crowd will drink loads and then want the bill split evenly

Go to a Whetherspoons where you order and pay at the bar, then people will have to go up and pay for their own drinks. It'll be cheap though, I was in one in south London a few weeks ago and beer was £1.99/pint. I thought I'd woken up in 1995.

Knightsuntold

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Sttandard problem with large groups in restaurants, the "moneysaving" crowd will drink loads and then want the bill split evenly .

You've got it in one. The venue has already been decided, unfortunately, and it won't be changed.

staffie1

Knightsuntold wrote: »

she's a full-time nightmare if you cross her. There must be some way of suggesting this, without upsetting her.

She sounds lovely...


I wouldn't care what anyone thinks about me, I would rather stay at home and finish the crossword than go out for dinner with that lot.

theoretica

If you are feeling generous you could announce that you will buy still and sparkling water for the table, or indeed softdrinks, and expect alcohol drinkers to sort the alcohol bill between them. That would get the people who only have a soft drink or are trying to be extra frugal out of the mess. But it might not help for you if you drink alcohol.

Primrose

Just tell the organiser that there will be people coming who are worried about how the drinks bill is going to be allocated and that in the interests of fairness to everybody, and to avoid ill feeling over the festive period you won't be coming unless there,s an arrangement that every family pays for their own drinks.

If everybody,s on email, do a "round robin" which will encourage some of the there's to join In and support the idea.

Knightsuntold

staffie1 wrote: »

She sounds lovely...


I wouldn't care what anyone thinks about me, I would rather stay at home and finish the crossword than go out for dinner with that lot.

I've portrayed her badly. She is difficult to deal with in some ways. She was brought up in care, kicked out at 16, with a poor education and left to fend for herself. By 18, she was married with two children, but her husband left her, and then came back for the kids a couple of years later. She let the kids go, as he could provide a much better life for them - she told me privately that for 3 months she'd eaten nothing but two bowls of Cornflakes a day, as that was the only way she could afford to feed her children proper meals, and have some heating for them. I cannot imagine what she went through. She actually did a brilliant job of turning her life around, went back into education and went into teaching. She's now a head of department, and in the family through marriage. She is massive on family events and works harder than any of us to keep the family traditions alive - you can see why. She wants everyone to have an amazing time, and part of that amazing time is to be drunk and happy. She's quite bossy, and abrupt, but underneath that, she's very sensitive, and the slightest thing can and will be taken as a criticism. For example, if a school kid calls her fat, it's water of duck's back. If she asks one of us if something is a bit tight on her, and we say yes, even in a nice way - she's really hurt.

rach_k

If you don't feel able to address it in advance, just announce on the day that you're asking the restaurant to do separate bills because you plan on drinking [insert something extravagantly expensive, whether you plan to order it or not] and you wouldn't dream of expecting everybody else to subsidise that. Anybody who isn't counting the pennies will hopefully be shamed into agreeing - who would honestly argue against paying their fair share in front of everybody? The only people who may feel obliged to disagree are those who do need to keep the spending down, so it's completely acceptable to ignore their polite objections.

Knightsuntold

theoretica wrote: »

If you are feeling generous you could announce that you will buy still and sparkling water for the table, or indeed softdrinks, and expect alcohol drinkers to sort the alcohol bill between them. That would get the people who only have a soft drink or are trying to be extra frugal out of the mess. But it might not help for you if you drink alcohol.

That's a really good idea - I did think of something along these lines, but saying it as a reward for the designated drivers. There will be a couple more than just the drivers, but I still think I could get away with it.