So what happens now?

redandwhitestripes

Sorry for this long post, but putting things down in writing is a big help.
I have long been wondering what to do about my job and life.

I am 45, my own place but not married and no kids. I have been in my job 20 years but we had an office move 5 years ago resulting in a long commute , nearly 4 hours a day, with no work/life balance.
The job is so stressful and demanding these days. My days are 06.30 to 20.00 door to door and after 5 years of this I just can't cope with it any more. I dread weekends and evenings as I can't bear to go to work the next day. I dread each email and I have lost all confidence in my decision making.

The main issue for me now is anxiety and depression, and loneliness - all seems to be getting on top of me.

My anxiety is getting too much. My body shakes and my legs feel like jelly all the time. I am getting about 3 hours sleep a night now and have the feeling of total emptiness and exhaustion constantly - I don't have the energy for a social life either with the hours I work/drive.
I have accepted that loneliness is a part of the problem for me.
I went to the doctors today and they have put me in touch with therapists which may help.

So, I have decided to resign. I am on 3 months notice but don't know if I will last that long.
My boss is quite understanding but I am quite senior in my department so I can't just 'disappear'

I just need to press the reset button in my life and do what is right for me but now the thought of the future is scaring me. I have savings for 3 or 4 years so am lucky in that respect.

But what happens now?
Will the feelings of anxiety go? Will I fill my days without getting more unhappy.
I had thoughts of getting better mentally then doing some volunteer work - try and do some good.

Has anyone been through any of this before, or knew someone who had?

Thanks for reading and being there...

Mojisola

redandwhitestripes wrote: »

So, I have decided to resign. I am on 3 months notice but don't know if I will last that long.

I just need to press the reset button in my life and do what is right for me but now the thought of the future is scaring me. I have savings for 3 or 4 years so am lucky in that respect.

But what happens now?

Will the feelings of anxiety go? Will I fill my days without getting more unhappy.

I had thoughts of getting better mentally then doing some volunteer work - try and do some good.

Has anyone been through any of this before, or knew someone who had?

I know of two people who had similar experiences - one stayed put for too long, had a complete breakdown and took several years to get back on his feet (which included a complete career change, earning less money but with great job satisfaction); the other left before things got too bad, had a few months off to recover and then went back into similar work but not such a stressful position.

lisa110rry

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad stripes. Really, really sorry and I hope things improve for you soon.

xxx

Lisa

missbiggles1

Was there a reason that you didn't move nearer to your job and lose the long commute?

Guest101

or is there scope to work from home one or two days a week

fairy_lights

redandwhitestripes wrote: »

My anxiety is getting too much. My body shakes and my legs feel like jelly all the time. I am getting about 3 hours sleep a night now and have the feeling of total emptiness and exhaustion constantly - I don't have the energy for a social life either with the hours I work/drive.
I have accepted that loneliness is a part of the problem for me.
I went to the doctors today and they have put me in touch with therapists which may help.

Could your doctor sign you off for a few weeks so you can take a break before going back to serve your notice?
You might find that once your notice has been handed in and your days there are approaching an end that you feel a huge weight lifted.

ttoli

I was in this exact position a few years ago , aged 42 I felt stuck in a rut,well paid but stressful job/ no social/love life, then in the space of 6 months lost both My parents, so I took a career break, rented out the house and went travelling, I ended up here in Cyprus, nice Apartment in the mountains , part time evening job , the pay is a fifth of what I was earning in the UK and though I still don't have a great number of friends, I'm Happy.
There is a great book called "The Secret" , which helped me

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Secret_(book)

One moment in time sticks out in my head, I was at home watching the TV and an appeal came on for the victims of Darfur, kinda put my problems into perspective .

Good luck for the future

redandwhitestripes

Thanks for all your replies so far.
ttoli - that book sounds interesting - will take a look.

In answer to a couple of other points.
I didn't move closer to work as I didn't want to move out of London away from the few friends I have got, and also my elderly mother and sisters.
My father died 2 and a half years ago so wanted to stay near my mum.
I could work from home once a week - and I did try that - but it still meant 4 days of a lot of travel. And work was still stressful.

I am hoping the doctor will sign me off. He didn't this week - said I had to self- certify but then go back after if I needed more time.

The lack of sleep is certainly a problem - it increases the anxiety.
Has anyone tried any natural ways of getting better sleep. I don't understand how sleep is so hard even though I am so exhausted!

ttoli

redandwhitestripes wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies so far.
ttoli - that book sounds interesting - will take a look.

In answer to a couple of other points.
I didn't move closer to work as I didn't want to move out of London away from the few friends I have got, and also my elderly mother and sisters.
My father died 2 and a half years ago so wanted to stay near my mum.
I could work from home once a week - and I did try that - but it still meant 4 days of a lot of travel. And work was still stressful.

I am hoping the doctor will sign me off. He didn't this week - said I had to self- certify but then go back after if I needed more time.

The lack of sleep is certainly a problem - it increases the anxiety.
Has anyone tried any natural ways of getting better sleep. I don't understand how sleep is so hard even though I am so exhausted!

I cut out caffeine after 5pm , have a nice warm shower then read for a while , pitch dark room and listen to relaxation music ( from Youtube etc) , when I can't sleep.

Fireflyaway

I would say the future is looking good for you. How good will you feel when you don't have to travel crazy distances and you can properly enjoy your spare time. Sleep - sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture so no wonder lack of it is making you feel rubbish.
From what you say you have done the right thing. You have identified the problem and taken steps to resolve it.
You are young and have some savings so if you can find a job closer to home that is less stressful I can imagine you will feel like a new person in no time.
Do you like animals? A pet would be a good distraction and they can be very relaxing and great company. I'd also suggest some volunteering its a great way to meet new people and boost yourself knowing you are making a positive difference. Hopefully these changes will almost coincide with the new year and a whole new exciting future awaits!

ska_lover

redandwhitestripes wrote: »

. I am quite senior in my department so I can't just 'disappear'


...

Yes you can You don't owe them a thing. You owe yourself to look after your health

This kind of thinking is what is getting you to the point of nervous breakdown. You are not indispensable, the world will keep turning - and really why should you care even if things to go wrong as you are leaving. It sounds harsh but you need to think of yourself now and anyone that tells you different really needs a priority check

I can only speak from personal experience , but Anxiety wont necessarily just go when you leave your job. I hope it does for you, sincerely, but it may not and don't be surprised if afterwards it is still there

You have become conditioned to feeling anxious a lot of the time and this behaviour doesn't automatically reverse - although each person is different I know. In this situation anxiety is a learned behaviour and it can continue long after you have moved on from the job that was ORIGINALLY the problem. You are that used to having a problem or something to stress about, that your brain will be constantly scanning for something to be anxious about. something...anything

I think you definitely need to go on the sick. Immediately. and get some help for anxiety/depression