Children's Party - Rant!

rach_k

I agree that it's very rude to not turn up without explanation once you've accepted an invitation, but I think it's more likely to happen for a Halloween party. For a birthday, guests would have bought a present and it's about the birthday boy/girl, whereas Halloween isn't particularly personal for most people so I can sort of see why they might think 'oh they won't miss us.'

I also think it was too late so people may have thought they would go then not been able to face trying to get their little monster to behave on the day! My 5 and 7 year olds go to bed at 6.30-7pm normally (and sleep till at least 7am). Parties for kids their age tend to be more like 2-4pm or 3-5pm even during the school holidays.

Please don't give up on parties! Maybe try a birthday party next year. By then you should know parents from school a bit better, which should help, and if you get them to RSVP by text you can remind them the day before.

Lily-Rose_3

I am very sorry to hear about what happened supersaver2, but I agree that you shouldn't let it affect your decision to have more parties for your child in the future.

I suspect (strongly) that so many didn't come because they hardly know you and your child and your family. Even if they said they would come, they may have forgotten. Also you invited 20 children that your child has only known for 6 weeks or so, so the parents can't know you that well. Also, many people have busy lives, and it's most likely that the invitation probably got put aside or forgotten over the last few weeks (not sure when you invited them.)

I only ever had this happen once. We invited 12 to a party at the skating rink, and only 6 turned up. Still 50% attendance, but we had booked 12 meals. So me and hubby and 2 of the mums who had stayed noshed the 6 extra baskets of food between us (yum!) So all was not lost.

Every other time we had a party for our daughter, (and we had about 2 dozen during her childhood,) there was usually 70-80% attendance - so 14 to 16 out of 20 came, or 7 or 8 out of 10, but these were people she had known for quite a long time.

We did have one huge Halloween party for her once, and invited 25 teenagers to our little 3 bed house we had at the time. (Only 6 had turned up out of 12 at the last one, so we figured maybe 15 would come.) Well, they ALL. TURNED. UP... :eek::eek::eek: That was a wild night! And a noisy one!!!!!!!!

What we did though when we had parties (in the house) was have lots and lots of non-perishable food like crisps, cheese savouries, nuts, biscuits etc, and lots of bottles of pop, and open however many we needed, and then we would keep the rest for the next event, be it Christmas, or another birthday. (If any were left.)

That may be another idea for next time, so the food isn't wasted. Kids don't care what they eat.

Just give it another go next year. Maybe for your child's birthday.

Don't take it personally; there wouldn't have been a conspiracy to ignore you or snub you and your family. (Even if it does feel like it!) And although some people can be rude and ignorant, and not bother turning up, it's not always that reason that keeps people away.

The woman who wants a favour who never came, I would just say 'I'm sorry *** was not able to come to 'daughter's' party, I hope everything's OK.'

Andypandyboy

ognum wrote: »

You clearly have no understanding of the chaotic lifestyles of some families which happens for a multitude of reasons. It's nothing to do with not being bothered.

Poverty
Mental Health Issues
Depression
Low IQ
Lack of role models
Physical medical issues
Bereavement
Low self esteem
Inadequate parenting
Poor housing
Anxiety
Parents in prison
Etc etc etc

And you don't seem to have fully read my last sentence, which, for the avoidance of doubt, was referencing exactly those types of things.

I referenced them (perhaps too obliquely for you) because I know a great deal on the subject, but I gave the OP enough credit to have mentioned and excused or mittigated the behaviour of those families she had invited where she suspected such issues were behind their reason for non attendance.

Are you saying that only parents who have those issues behave rudely by not turning up (when they have been organised enough to accept the invitation in the first place;)) and that none of them are simply thoughtless, disorganised or careless?

Save

supersaver2

Wow lots of replies. Thanks!

Just to clear a few bits up we didn't invite the whole class just 12 children, 9 of which we've known for a few years as our children went to the attached nursery together. I only invited a couple we didn't know because my daughter had got very friendly with them over the past couple of months

I know plenty want to excuse their parents but to me saying your going to a party and then to not show is awfully rude, especially without even texting or a quick call. I suppose I expect people to act like I would and clearly this isn't the case!

It's my daughters birthday next month and I won't be doing a party, wasted enough money this weekend. Have 10 party bags in my cupboard and enough party food to feed a small army. I'll be taking her and a friend for pizza and a film, seems like the safest option!

duchy

The child has being with these children for half a term only presumably . Friendships are still forming not just between the children but just starting between parents too. There's no way for the OP to know what kind of lives the other parents live. There was a Mum in our group who most people didn't know had severe mental health difficulties , it wasn't uncommon for her son to not make it to parties but in the naice middle class environment it was never mentioned. Perhaps if they had she wouldn't have committed suicide when he was in the juniors. No one really knows what goes on in other families.

supersaver2

Andypandyboy wrote: »

And you don't seem to have fully read my last sentence, which, for the avoidance of doubt, was referencing exactly those types of things.

I referenced them (perhaps too obliquely for you) because I know a great deal on the subject, but I gave the OP enough credit to have mentioned and excused or mittigated the behaviour of those families she had invited where she suspected such issues were behind their reason for non attendance.

Are you saying that only parents who have those issues behave rudely by not turning up (when they have been organised enough to accept the invitation in the first place;)) and that none of them are simply thoughtless, disorganised or careless?

Save

Just to add out of this group nobody is in prison, on the breadline, poor housing etc. Most are middle class families with parents working. Our village is reasonably small and not the cheapest area, I'm really not wanting to sound like a snob at all and you don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but using the reasons above as to why they didn't turn up is a very long stretch.

duchy

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Its not too late on special occasions, and given that Halloween is once a year its just people being precious if you ask me.

Your own child's party is special to you but with whole class parties common in reception thirty special occasions plus any family and non school friend party invitations a year tends to mean they aren't really special occasions to other parents.

ognum

Andypandyboy wrote: »

And you don't seem to have fully read my last sentence, which, for the avoidance of doubt, was referencing exactly those types of things.

I referenced them (perhaps too obliquely for you) because I know a great deal on the subject, but I gave the OP enough credit to have mentioned and excused or mittigated the behaviour of those families she had invited where she suspected such issues were behind their reason for non attendance.

Are you saying that only parents who have those issues behave rudely by not turning up (when they have been organised enough to accept the invitation in the first place;)) and that none of them are simply thoughtless, disorganised or careless?

Save

Of course I'm not saying that, of course it's rude and if you have read my previous posts on this thread you will see I have said its rude but when you invite children when your child has only been in the class 6 weeks you really don't know about them do you.

My comments relate to your posts in which you say it's easy to be organised on a daily basis. I am simply saying for many people it isn't.

I am pleased you know a lot on this subject and have a lot of understanding, you are right your knowledge was well hidden from me, all that came through for me was you and your families ability to be organised!

I am happy to stand corrected by you for your superior knowledge and hope you use it in a productive way for the benefit of those less privelidged.

duchy

supersaver2 wrote: »

Just to add out of this group nobody is in prison, on the breadline, poor housing etc. Most are middle class families with parents working. Our village is reasonably small and not the cheapest area, I'm really not wanting to sound like a snob at all and you don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but using the reasons above as to why they didn't turn up is a very long stretch.

Because mental health issues, stress, poor self esteem ,white collar crime, infidelity and job losses never happen in nice middle class villages ?

I think you need a reality check if you really believe that.

Andypandyboy

ognum wrote: »

Of course I'm not saying that, of course it's rude and if you have read my previous posts on this thread you will see I have said its rude but when you invite children when your child has only been in the class 6 weeks you really don't know about them do you.

My comments relate to your posts in which you say it's easy to be organised on a daily basis. I am simply saying for many people it isn't.

I am pleased you know a lot on this subject and have a lot of understanding, you are right your knowledge was well hidden from me, all that came through for me was you and your families ability to be organised!

I am happy to stand corrected by you for your superior knowledge and hope you use it in a productive way for the benefit of those less privelidged.

Well, the OP has answered your question, none of the issues which I accepted in my post ( the one you didn't fully read or understand, not sure which) could be underlying, applied.

Additionally, the OP has clarified that she did know the children much better than you inferred and so she would have been likely to be aware if any of the issues applied.

I don't profess superior knowledge,(in fact I inferred from your first post that you had extensive knowledge in a professional capacity of home visits yourself) I do read posts fully though and I am not prone to making wild assumptions based on my own pre conceived ideas about other posters and their "lifestyles"

When I do make a mistake such as mentioning something another poster has said and attributing it to the poster I am replying to I generally hold my hands up and apologise. I understand that not everyone behaves that way though and that there may be underlying issues as to why that might be. Is that applying knowledge in a productive way would you say?