Children's Party - Rant!

FBaby

However, I think the time of the party was wrong and maybe some parents thought their 4 year olds would be fine at 6pm when in fact by 6 they were really in need of their beds and not fit to be taken to a party. Many four year old I know are charming at 4pm but by 6pm they are past it, need a bath a story and then bed.

I would agree with this. I can imagine asking my kids if they wanted to go to a Halloween party and them being all excited, but then getting tired before 6pm and actually having a tantrum because they absolutely didn't want to go any longer.

Maybe a slightly later bedtime would eventually result in a slightly later wake up time. 6.00am can't be much fun for mum and dad everyday!

This made me smile. As a mum of kids who were both up at 5am naturally, I can assure you that just about every mum would have tried this, but given up because it made no difference. The alternative was to teach them early how to get turn the TV on! Saying that, there is a justice because my two early birds became teenagers who never once had to be woken up, let alone dragged out of their beds to get to school in the morning. I am gone to work long before they get up and they have not once been late to school in 4 years.

Some posters seem to think that it is acceptable not to show up to an event they said they would attend if they call to inform the person. I personally think it is not that much better as ultimately, it will still disappoint the person arranging the event. I think the problem is people don't dare say 'no thank you' so instead they put a fake smile on their faces and shout a 'oh how lovely, little Eva will be very delighted to come of course', and then they start planning the excuse they will come up with because they have no intention to go in the first place. When they can't come up with an excuse that doesn't sound lame, they just don't show up at all.

Andypandyboy

ringo_24601 wrote: »

You need to weigh it up - did all the parents maliciously agree to bring their kids then not show, or are they mostly too busy and disorganised?

Not maliciously, but probably due to the kind of thoughtlessness that they wouldn't appreciate being on the receiving end of themselves. Everyone is busy, but manners cost nothing.

ringo_24601 wrote: »

My wife and I keep an online calendar, that synchronises to both of our phones. We have a constant stream of play-dates/parties/school meetings/family events/shift patterns/work trips that we need to keep track of. I really have no clue how families that aren't hideously organised manage to survive these days.

Well, for one thing you only accept invitations you know you can keep.Then you run through the schedule at the beginning of the week and you have it on the wall and you glance at it regularly. You also use technology. You keep a store of cards and presents in so that you are not endlessly trawling shops at the last minute.

It is easier than it ever has been to stay organised if you have the will. That is the point though, you have to want to do it, you have to care that if you don't do it someone, somewhere, will be disappointed and think less of you if, when you really can't attend something, you don't have the manners to let them know.

ringo_24601 wrote: »

However, I also ascribe to the Moscow Rules -

Some parents are rude people who will just constantly not reply to parties, or say they're coming and don't

Agreed!

Kaye1

I agree with the posters who say the timing was off. I would happily let mine stay up- however, she gets to a certain time and that's it.

However, it is massively rude of the parents- it is one of the reasons that we have always stuck to smaller parties.

The first 'whole class' party was thrown by my good friend- one parent who we had never met, turned up, asked if he could leave him (child was 5) and disappeared for two hours. I spent the next two hours stopping this child from pulling down curtains, standing on tables, grabbing fists of food to throw on the floor.

I encouraged him to take part in the games, sat with him to eat etc but he was out of control. I think a combination of excitement, e-numbers and poor manners. When the dad/ Mum's boyfriend came back, he was told in no uncertain terms it wasn't appropriate to dump him with adults he barely knew at his age. Didn't go down well.....

ognum

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Not maliciously, but probably due to the kind of thoughtlessness that they wouldn't appreciate being on the receiving end of themselves. Everyone is busy, but manners cost nothing.



Well, for one thing you only accept invitations you know you can keep.Then you run through the schedule at the beginning of the week and you have it on the wall and you glance at it regularly. You also use technology. You keep a store of cards and presents in so that you are not endlessly trawling shops at the last minute.

It is easier than it ever has been to stay organised if you have the will. That is the point though, you have to want to do it, you have to care that if you don't do it someone, somewhere, will be disappointed and think less of you if, when you really can't attend something, you don't have the manners to let them know.



Agreed!

Why is it that some posters cannot or will not understand that some people do not have the same education, intellect, life experience and finance as them. Phones that connect with you partners, the ability to discuss your timetable with your partner etc etc are well beyond some families.

Just because you lead a well organised lifestyle do not believe everyone does, they simply don't. There are families who take their children to school with the parents in their pyjamas and they arrive late, the children have had no breakfast and the school uniform is not clean. This is not because they want it this way it's because they don't have the intellect or ability to organise life any other way.

Do a job where you visit people's homes, people live in a multitude of different ways. No excuse for rudeness but don't presume everyone is like you or has your abilities.

Andypandyboy

ognum wrote: »

Why is it that some posters cannot or will not understand that some people do not have the same education, intellect, life experience and finance as them. Phones that connect with you partners, the ability to discuss your timetable with your partner etc etc are well beyond some families.

Just because you lead a well organised lifestyle do not believe everyone does, they simply don't. There are families who take their children to school with the parents in their pyjamas and they arrive late, the children have had no breakfast and the school uniform is not clean. This is not because they want it this way it's because they don't have the intellect or ability to organise life any other way.

Do a job where you visit people's homes, people live in a multitude of different ways. No excuse for rudeness but don't presume everyone is like you or has your abilities.

I think that is very patronising. I don't think a wall planner (home made if necessary) requires much in the way of intellect or finance do you?

Do a job where you have to help people come up with strategies that mean they can cope better with the demands of family/working life, not just write them off as the uneducated masses and so close off many avenues to them.

Thse families you mention have underlying issues which need addressing not just a bald statement of "well that is how it is". or the cycle will continue.

Nor did the OP mention any such issues with the families she invited.

dirty_magic

I think it's very rude to just not show up. If the party is too late then the parent should say it's too late, surely they know if their child will be too tired?

Flaky people who cancel all the time are one of my pet hates. I think people often don't know how to say no without having an excuse, so they just say yes and then cancel at the last minute saying something came up. I'd rather them just say no outright and not give a reason than say yes and then not show, especially if it's something you've had to pay for.

ognum

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I think that is very patronising. I don't think a wall planner (home made if necessary) requires much in the way of intellect or finance do you?

Do a job where you have to help people come up with strategies that mean they can cope better with the demands of family/working life, not just write them off as the uneducated masses and so close off many avenues to them.

Thse families you mention have underlying issues which need addressing not just a bald statement of "well that is how it is". or the cycle will continue.

Nor did the OP mention any such issues with the families she invited.

Not patronising just factual. I don't work with these families but I do know some. I totally agree a wall planner is all that is needed but it's not what happens, the OP doesn't know these people, some don't even know where she lives, her child has been in the same class as them for a few weeks that all.

I actually think it's patronising to suggest we are all like you with enough money to have phones that talk to each other and your lifestyle.

AylesburyDuck

Kaye1 wrote: »

I agree with the posters who say the timing was off. I would happily let mine stay up- however, she gets to a certain time and that's it.

However, it is massively rude of the parents- it is one of the reasons that we have always stuck to smaller parties.

The first 'whole class' party was thrown by my good friend- one parent who we had never met, turned up, asked if he could leave him (child was 5) and disappeared for two hours. I spent the next two hours stopping this child from pulling down curtains, standing on tables, grabbing fists of food to throw on the floor.

I encouraged him to take part in the games, sat with him to eat etc but he was out of control. I think a combination of excitement, e-numbers and poor manners. When the dad/ Mum's boyfriend came back, he was told in no uncertain terms it wasn't appropriate to dump him with adults he barely knew at his age. Didn't go down well.....

When i was a kid *cough* all those years ago, at partys your mum dropped you off,waved goodbye and picked you up again later. It was a well known thing that if you held a party you had to handle XX amount of kids and rope in helpers from family if need be. When i had my kids 20 years ago it was no different.
This was regardless of age, clingy kids didnt tend to get invited much and soon learnt not to be.
What is this hang around and help of which you speak or has it all changed these days?

Andypandyboy

ognum wrote: »

Not patronising just factual. I don't work with these families but I do know some. I totally agree a wall planner is all that is needed but it's not what happens, the OP doesn't know these people, some don't even know where she lives, her child has been in the same class as them for a few weeks that all.

I actually think it's patronising to suggest we are all like you with enough money to have phones that talk to each other and your lifestyle.

I didn't suggest that, I was replying to Ringo who said that is what he did. When my kids were small there were no mobile phones so we used a wall chart.

I am not sure what you could know of my lifestyle either, but you clearly believe you do......

If a wall chart is not what happens then that is not just down to any of those things you mention, it is down to not being bothered enough to do it, unless there are other issues at play.

ognum

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I didn't suggest that, I was replying to Ringo who said that is what he did. When my kids were small there were no mobile phones so we used a wall chart.

I am not sure what you could know of my lifestyle either, but you clearly believe you do......

If a wall chart is not what happens then that is not just down to any of those things you mention, it is down to not being bothered enough to do it, unless there are other issues at play.

You clearly have no understanding of the chaotic lifestyles of some families which happens for a multitude of reasons. It's nothing to do with not being bothered.

Poverty
Mental Health Issues
Depression
Low IQ
Lack of role models
Physical medical issues
Bereavement
Low self esteem
Inadequate parenting
Poor housing
Anxiety
Parents in prison
Etc etc etc