Wills and things

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  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,123 Forumite
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    spirit wrote: »
    How else can I express my disappointment with how they've behaved? Money seems to be their new spouse's motivator and if nothing else, I need to prevent them getting their hands on my money.
    I am not sure you can do that, short of taking legal advice and making the bequest dependent on them having divorced their wife ...

    The thing is, once the money has passed to your children, it's theirs, and they can do what they like with it. Not only that, if they divorce, then any bequests would fall into the financial assessment - a good solicitor might be able to argue that eg the house was built with a lot of input from your legacy so that there shouldn't be an equal split, but an equally good solicitor would argue against that.
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  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 12,492 Forumite
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    edited 2 November 2016 at 10:28AM
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    It`s a chance we take. Lots of people grow up over time, some only do it in their 40s and 50s. I have quietly passed relatively small but equal sums over, enough for a roof or a new kitchen when I see a need but won`t be passing any big amount early. I have my old age to get through and potential paid help in the house or a carer or worse. So they will get equal shares when I die, whatever happens and tbh I won`t know or care as I won`t be here

    The only time when I will have a re-think is if any of my children pre-decease their spouses or long term partners. I would not then divide equally. I have put this in my will for a long term not married couple who have no children. She will get a sum to help ie 1/6 but I think I will reduce it to a much smaller actual figure in the future

    A relative gave out large sums to each of their children, totalling well over a million. Now the children squabble, its not fair etc

    op best to stand back, keep mouth zipped and be supportive. Be there to pick up the pieces but you know, how they live their life is their choice in the end
  • Biggles
    Biggles Posts: 8,209 Forumite
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    I guess there are two extremes of action available to you, spirit.

    If you are determined to, for want of a better phrase, 'disinherit' child 2, then you could put your house and your bank accounts in joint names with child 1. Then there would be no estate, no inheritance, all would automatically be owned by her and her alone immediately your toes turn up.

    The other extreme would be to play for time and see how things pan out. Child 2 may develop a spine when he sees how things are going and this may either bring the spouse into line or cause a rift between them, maybe leading to resumption of normal operations?
  • spirit
    spirit Posts: 2,886 Forumite
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    Biggles wrote: »
    I guess there are two extremes of action available to you, spirit.

    If you are determined to, for want of a better phrase, 'disinherit' child 2, then you could put your house and your bank accounts in joint names with child 1. Then there would be no estate, no inheritance, all would automatically be owned by her and her alone immediately your toes turn up.

    The other extreme would be to play for time and see how things pan out. Child 2 may develop a spine when he sees how things are going and this may either bring the spouse into line or cause a rift between them, maybe leading to resumption of normal operations?



    I wouldn't want to be instrumental in breaking up their marriage tbh. They must see the light for themselves in due course. I won't disinherit him completely, just a much reduced figure. I've started the LPA process - so DD will control funds as/when/if required. DS would be hopeless at that anyway.


    I was angry/upset by what 'she' did on Friday, but am not going to say anything. Luckily I never bump into her anywhere and don't have to see her. I will still see DS on his own.


    DD will be producing a grandchild for me in 2017 so could be a reason to provide for them too. DS doesn't want any children. That makes things slightly easier for me.


    I quite like the idea of putting the house in joint names with DD and maybe just leave DS any cash. I must ring the solicitor to make that Will appointment now!
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j
  • no1catman
    no1catman Posts: 2,972 Forumite
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    You could keep your offspring's share equal, but give a percentage to the 'in-law' who is friendly with you, and any grandchildren. But not any to the 'in-law' who is not friendly to you.

    That way, you tell them both you are having a new will done and tell your children - that you are still getting the same as the other - forgetting to mention of course the percentages going elsewhere!
    I used to work for Tesco - now retired - speciality Clubcard
  • Biggles
    Biggles Posts: 8,209 Forumite
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    spirit wrote: »
    I wouldn't want to be instrumental in breaking up their marriage tbh. They must see the light for themselves in due course.
    Absolutely, I wasn't suggesting you should be instrumental in any way, nature must take its course.
    DS doesn't want any children. That makes things slightly easier for me.
    But I suspect, in the fullness of time, it will matter mainly what your DiL wants, eh?
  • spirit
    spirit Posts: 2,886 Forumite
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    Biggles wrote: »

    But I suspect, in the fullness of time, it will matter mainly what your DiL wants, eh?


    Exactly so Biggles. He never wanted to get married, dead set against it and yet - there he was in the Town Hall on Friday.


    He is so spineless that he'll have that decision made for him too.


    The ironic thing is he constantly posting on social media about how he hates feminists and those who force men to pay for children they don't want etc. Yet right under his very nose...
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j
  • chesky
    chesky Posts: 1,341 Forumite
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    Sounds awful I know but when my son 'escaped' from his partner after 14 years with her, our family shouted 'hooray'. And what did it? Well, it could have been just a coincidence but he'd been left an inheritance a few months previously. Of course, he had to share some of it with her, even though they weren't married, but to us it seemed cheap at half the price.

    Just a thought.
  • Keep_pedalling
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    I would not put the house in joint names, far to many potencial problems with losing total control of ownership. What happens to your house if your child dies, divorces or goes bankrupt?

    Of cause none of those things may happen, but even it if all go swimmingly your child may find themselves lumbered with an unnessasary capital gains tax bill on their half of the house when they eventually come to sell it, or you need to sell it to downsize or finance care costs.

    The LPA is a good idea, but make sure you have at least 2 attorneys or a primary attorney and a back up one
  • SevenOfNine
    SevenOfNine Posts: 2,358 Forumite
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    I'd keep it an even 50/50 split in spite of some of the descriptions you've given regarding your son's shortcomings, so that even when I was gone they'd know I loved them both unconditionally & treated them equally.

    But then, I can't really comprehend why a parent would want to send a message of disapproval to one of their offspring from their grave.....how sad. You're plotting ways to hurt him, to take revenge for all the times you feel he's disappointed you, don't you love him?

    Why not you speak to your daughter, clearly the apple of your eye, about your plans, or do you think she might not think all this is such a clever idea.

    Of course you're entitled to do as you please with your money, but this does not appear to be about that, only about how to teach him a lesson without him knowing. Really, that would really make you happy with some sort of secret, smug satisfaction?
    Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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