Changing habits, wanting freedom

jvr

Hi Joey... yes has been a tad crazy!!


Yesterday I got a call from mum to say he had disappeared been allowed out on the street (its a quiet cul-de-sac) with his friend as long as they stayed in eyerange... mum popped out to check and he had vanished. She drove around and couldn't see him. He had mentioned arcades earlier so she went and checked there. no sign at all! about an hour later he turned up and she told him to get inside. Turns out he had just wandered a bit further and was so shocked that she had been out looking for him. found it really sad that he would be shocked that someone would stress out at not knowing were he was. Mum asked him how he thinks she felt and he asked were you worried?? While he was gone felt angry that he had stressed mum out already. But genuinely believe he didn't realise would be a problem and felt sorry for it. He has had nobody to notice if he was gone so its all a bit of an adjustment. So xbox with my OH is still on for tonight and it has been explained that he can do things like this if he sticks to the rules but will in future be taken away if he doesn't. but I don't think he was deliberately disobeying. Forgot my lunch today as was so tired so will have to grab that and OH buying another controller so they can play together... and driving lesson so a bit of a spendy day.
Still waiting to hear about the job...


Also messed up on Abel & Cole order. They had a great offer on so decided I would get it for the four weeks of offers... turns out its only worth it if you don't mess up and forget to cancel the future orders!! Grrr so have huge amounts of fruit but some lovely meat in freezer. Will make smoothies so it doesn't go to waste and now orders are cancelled.
Happy Thursday everyone!

MistyMountainTop

Your poor mum, it must be hard to deal with a 'troubled' teen. Good for her for stepping in though. I'm sure he will appreciate her support deep down, especially if no one has ever bothered about him before.

I've done the forget-to-cancel-an-offer thing before and been hit with a huge unexpected bill for hosting a website I no longer used. I felt such a fool, the charge was nearly £100, it came out on the same day as the rent and the rent payment was returned because of it! Now I try to pay for those kinds of things through PayPal, so I can go in and cancel future payments asap. I make a point of checking every week to see what's in there after the rent fiasco.

It's nice that your OH is going to spend some time with the boy, he'll probably appreciate some sane male company.

SpekySquarehead

Such a shame. A good 'lads' day in front of the xbox can solve all sorts of problems in my experience, genuinely. I hope it all goes well tonight as I'm sure it will.

Keep us posted about the job. Fingers are crossed for you.

Honey_Bear

Well, as you said, it was always going to be tricky for the lad to adjust to your mother's regime, so although it was worrying for her his behaviour wasn't entirely unexpected, was it? None of my business, but has anyone had the chance to check whether this young man can read? Disruptive behaviour around education often has a very, very simple cause and it can easily slip under the radar.

As to the Ab** and Co** order, we've ALL been caught out that way by one company or another. It's how they pay for the exceptionally special offer - there are always a number of people who forget to stop the next payment and there will be quite a few who don't stop it after then, either. Don't beat yourself up; it's part of the MSE Initiation Procedure that no-one ever admits to. If it happens again then, possibly like me, you'll accept that bargainacious though those offers are, they're more expensive than not doing them for some of us. In the end, by the way, I discovered that the local market was the cheapest place for fruit and veg, although the quality isn't as 'perfect' as the supermarkets. It's fine for us, we're happy with wonky veg anyway and supporting local producers is important to me, rather than the supermarkets with all of my spending. And we buy our potatoes in sacks from farms - the last one was £4 for 12.5kgs. We had to give half of them away because they start chitting even in a dark cupboard, but they're fabulous quality.

jvr

It wasn't unexpected no as his mum used to work nights leaving at 6pm so he has been very unsupervised. The incident that led to him leaving was him going out and leaving his younger brothers (oldest 11) locked in the house. In his mind he was making sure they were safe and not able to get out. When we brought up why this was dangerous he was shocked it hadn't crossed his mind. In my mind he should never have been left in charge it wasn't fair on him or his brothers. He lies a lot but so far seems to be telling us the truth, I wonder how much the lies came out of fear of being told off for every little thing he didn't do perfectly. He has also stolen before but so far no issues with that, although a few years ago he did steal from my mums house.
He has some learning difficulties and educationally his reading level is far below average. It's tricky as when he arrived in this country he was already behind and then his sort of step father has spent years telling him how stupid he is. I think he gets frustrated at school and misbehaves. Hoping having something to work towards that is actually achievable may help.


Thanks Honey that does make me feel better! Felt very stupid, in past with such offers I have set a reminder in calendar which seems to work. I guess you live and learn. I'm and expert at beating myself up for things that are not the end of the world.


Had a nosy in managers diary and a meeting is set up tomorrow so hoping that I will find out about job after that. I will be gutted if I don't get it!

jvr

Quick update on the job... Got sat down and told I haven't got the job but I haven't not got the job.... Makes sense right?! They are readvertising and I will still be considered... So basically don't think I'm up to it but if nobody better applies will give it to me!
After my pity party for one asked for 2 mins with manager and told him your underestimating me ... So we shall see.
Think it's a horrible way to go about it

JWPopps

jvr wrote: »

Quick update on the job... Got sat down and told I haven't got the job but I haven't not got the job.... Makes sense right?! They are readvertising and I will still be considered... So basically don't think I'm up to it but if nobody better applies will give it to me!
After my pity party for one asked for 2 mins with manager and told him your underestimating me ... So we shall see.
Think it's a horrible way to go about it

That's definitely not best HR practice, at the very least. :mad: Did they give you solid reasons why they don't think you're up to it? (Obviously you won't say here exactly what they said) If they did, did they offer you any development opportunities? Did they say why they don't think you could learn to do the job?

It doesn't exactly make you feel loyal to them does it? Organisations need to do a lot more to nurture the employees that have stuck with them in my opinion.

If they'd said, look, you're not ready for this yet so we're going to hire someone else, but here's an action plan to get you the skills so that next time a job comes up you'd have a better chance that's one thing, but it sounds like what they're actually saying is 'we're sure you could learn to do it, but that would be effort on our part, so we're going external to see if we can find someone who will be a lot cheaper/easier to train, but if we can't then we'll come crawling back to you.'

Honestly, I'm so :mad: on your behalf!!!!

jvr

Yea partly I wouldn't be able to instantly to the job but it is such a specific job that nobody would be able to do every part of it instantly... The team is very sensitive and difficult to deal with and it is not a side to the business that is used to having women work in it shall we say.... !
They said wouldn't need an interview again but I think will do my own haha and address each point as to how they are wrong and I can do it! But if I got the job now would be so much harder to get respect of the team because management have basically said yes she's not up to it!
I know if this exact job had come up in different patch I would have got it so feel like I am being held back because of other people's issues!

Bobarella

Sorry you didn't get the job.

brizzledfw

Hi jvr

Awesome support to the wider 'village' from your mum and yourself...hope it continues to go well and yes demand the help from SS etc that these kids need. Apart from anything else its about them continuing to have help and support into their twenties, even if they are not actually in 'care' - they are technically homeless and vulnerable. There are also charities and funds who can help - you mentioned the church for example.

Am sure you don't have a lot of energy for MSE, but well done on applying for the better paid job and keep on pushing. Make it hard for them to refuse!! addressing every point in turn is a very good idea. Harder for them to push back with justifiable reasons to refuse/reject.

Have a good Sunday x