How to get over buyer's remorse?

needhouseadvice

Mortgage_Moog wrote: »

Here's my story about moving out, how it made me feel and the lessons I've learned from the three moves I've done in recent times. It's a long story but I wanted to give as much detail as I could to see if you, or anyone else reading this, can relate to what I say. If nothing else you should get a laugh from it.

The first time I moved out was a disaster. After a death in the family I decided that life was for living and that I was going to follow my dream and move to the seaside where I'd always felt relaxed and more at home than living in a busy city. After several trips there and back I'd not only found a flat that I could rent but even made a friend there

I had to pay 3 months rent up front because of the risk of me moving to a new area and being self employed but I had saved that up. I packed up the car and a friend and I travelled the 244 miles to my new home. He came along for a laugh and to help me unpack when I got there but we didn't choose the best time of year to do it as it was December 22nd.

We got there for about 4pm, rushed down the local Argos and bought the only duvet they had to keep us warm overnight. It was on that first night that I knew it was a mistake. The place was so cold that neither of us got any sleep. There we were lying on an inflatable queen sized air-bed with a thin summer duvet to keep us warm when it was minus 2 outside. We made it back the next day but it's a night I'll never forget. The point of me telling you all this will become clear later so bear with me.

I went back there just before new years eve and just couldn't adjust to it at all. The friend I had travelled with called me and as I told him how I felt he said he was thinking of getting divorced. We shared our problems and had a kind of competition as to who was in the bigger mess!

I felt so far away from everything I knew and I couldn't even go back to the familiar areas I knew because they were a 4 hour drive away. As stupid as this sounds I hadn't realised I wasn't renting a flat but a sort-of-studio. It had a large separate kitchen and bathroom but no bedroom at all. I didn't even know such places existed. It only had one power point in the whole place so I had to lug around an extension cord every time I went from one room to another. I had been in such a rush to just rent anywhere that I overlooked all these things.

Worst of all was the other tenants. The man upstairs had this bizarre problem where he kept moving furniture from one side of the flat to the other. He'd move it all over one side, then back, then back...It went on and on for hours all day and night. I went up and asked him what he was doing and he said it must just be the TV that I can hear. I pointed out the furniture behind him and asked why he kept dragging it from one side to another but he said he didn't know what I meant. As soon as I went downstairs he started dragging it again.

I didn't think it would get any worse but then I woke up one morning to find it had been so cold that my phone screen had frozen over. It was covered in Ice and it had been inside the flat all night. The windows were also frozen over on the inside and there was no heating at all. I then found out I was on a pay as you go electric meter and it had run out.

It was a this point I found out that the man above me who dragged the furniture around ran a wrestling club for transvestites. He'd have men with beards wearing dresses visiting and they'd be performing various moves on each other as another one did the commentary. That was it.

In the end I had just decided to move out when the landlord rang to check how I was settling in. I said I wanted to leave and he said it's no problem because he already had someone else lined up who'd wanted it before I did. I was very lucky there.

The journey home was awful. I got about a quarter of the way home and decided to turn back and make another go of it. I got about 20 miles back towards where I left then changed my mind again. I did this throughout the journey and it turned a 4 hour drive into a 6 hour drive. It's the worst drive I've ever done. I kept wanting to go back and make it work, thinking of the new friend I'd made there who was texting me to ask if I wanted to go out for the night. They didn't even know I was miles away on my way home. It was a terrible thing and I remember sitting at the end of a car park just not knowing what to do. I felt like it was all over and everything I'd worked for had gone.

I did eventually make it home and was on the verge of going bust. I'd put everything into that move and now I had huge debts I could never hope to pay off, the mess of the flat contract to sort out and no work back home as I'd cut all ties here when I moved. My main memory of this time was spending one hour on a phone to a debt help line who advised me that if they were me they'd just give up and go bust.

My next move was 2 years later. I moved just round the corner from my family home to the next street. It was a 3 minute walk away, a lovely 2 bedroom flat with great views all over the city. It even had power points in every room! The thing is that I felt no better there than I had at the other place. I stayed there for 6 months to see out my tenancy and had a great time but I still felt as awful as I had last time. It didn't matter that I was right by where I knew in the area that I liked, I still felt every bit as odd as I had before. I couldn't settle, couldn't sleep and felt like I was on the other side of the world when I hadn't gone more than 0.3 miles up the road. I enjoyed a new years eve there and as I sat watching the worlds top 10 worst airports and waiting for the fireworks display to start from the great view I had (something I'd looked forward to since moving in ), I didn't know what to do.

Then came the snow. We had the worst winter in decades and there were icicles hanging from my roof that were over 4 feet long. I couldn't work, couldn't get out anywhere and had no money coming in at all. It cleared after a month and I knew I was going to end up having to go back home again.

I started to worry because what if I could never get over this problem? What if every time I moved I ended up going back home? I decided I was going to buy next time and there'd be no more renting for me. I was sure it was the fact I was renting that bothered me, along with the fact I still had a lot of debt.

I spent the next 5 years living back home. I paid off every penny of debt. I saved up a deposit. I looked at buying a studio and decided I wanted to wait until I could afford a one bed flat instead.

Just a few weeks ago I bought my first place and when I moved in I had a bit of the feeling that I'd had before, that feeling of being overwhelmed and panicked because there's so much to do. This move was like a mixture of my last two; further from home than before but still in an area I knew a little.

This time though, unlike previous times, I quickly got over that and have really enjoyed living here. Yes it's about 5 miles out of where I'd really like to be but it's just a short drive back to my home area and the more hours I work, the less time I'm at home and the earlier I can move back to the other area.

What I've learnt from all this is that you get a massively different feel when you rent than you do when you buy. Maybe buying isn't the right thing for you? It's not for everyone and there are some advantages to renting such as not having to worry about repairs. Those are all outweighed by the advantages of owning for me but you're not me and everyone wants different things from life.

When I went down the local supermarket by my new place for the first time I overheard these two women talking and one of them gave the other some advice that I'll never forget. She said “Everything in life is temporary. Whether it's good or bad, whatever you are going through will end at some point so if it's bad just focusing on it ending and if it's good enjoy it while it lasts”.

I often lie in bed thinking about those wrestling transvestites by the sea and the bad times I went through spending years saving and paying things off. I can laugh at them now but they seemed awful at the time. I know in the future I'll move again, probably more than a few times as I'm not old.

I've got good times and bad times to come but one day I'll be back where I want to be and I can certainly live where I am now for a long time without being desperate to move. I can actually pay my entire mortgage off in 3 to 4 years and I'll likely be living back where I want to be next summer or early in 2018. Maybe when I am I'll look up this thread and update it on how it all went.

You're not alone in the way you're feeling and you should do whatever you need to do to get happy again. Although I've been talking about myself a lot in this story, maybe some people reading this can relate to it and see themselves too. Just know that whatever you decide you'll be happy again soon and one day you'll look back on this and laugh, just as I do when I think of those wrestlers.

Thanks for taking the time to share you story. I think part of the reason is I don't like change but I didn't think it would affect me this much. I really do hope I can look back on this time and think what was the big deal one day!

kerri_gt

Shakin_Steve wrote: »

We rented for years before buying. Even moving between rentals gives you a sinking feeling, you are moving from a place that you've called home to a place that is a little bit alien. When you are renting, you tend not to worry about repairs etc., they are , after all, not your problem. Once you have your own place, every creaking floorboard, every gurgle from the radiators, every sound of the wind whistling on the windows sends you into a bit of a panic. That's one side of it.
Another thing is that all your kitchen stuff, pots, pans and plates seem to be in the wrong place. I used to curse at constantly going to the wrong cupboard in the kitchen or the wrong drawer in the living room. Everything is different!
We moved in at the beginning of May, so five months now. I am finally looking forward to putting my key in the front door and walking in to my new home. We have done lots of painting and decorating, no big stuff (only a new front door) and it now looks like ours, not the previous owners.
I can almost guarantee you'll feel better in a few months. It's nearly time to get your Christmas tree up and invite a few friends round, that should make it feel more like home.
Cheer up.

You moved around the same time we did and i know exactly what you mean about the kitchen - took me ages to decide where to put the pots and pans and had them out on the worktop for a few weeks while I got the 'feel' of how I moved / worked in the kitchen.

I went away on business a week and a half after we moved and felt like a nomad, no longer in the prev house we'd loved, our house didn't feel like home and I was living out of a suitcase in a hotel. Everyone was asking how the house was but truth be told, although i knew it was everything (more or less) we'd been looking for, it wasn't home - yet.

Fast forward a few months and we're gradually making it ours. From a physical perspective nothing really needs doing but decorating as we want, choosing new blinds, etc etc is really making it feel like ours and not another rental. We can do what we want, when we want and not answer to anyone or feel we're merely 'keepers' of someone else's house (I actually did over and above in all the rentals we were prev in).

I can't wait to see our Xmas decs in the new house now and although a house has come up for sale in the road we used to live in (not that we could / would afford it, nor want to move at all) I definitely do not feel the same tie to our prev home / area. If anything knowing houses there are going up for sale means that actually the road isn't the same anyway now.

Lord_Baltimore

Mortgage_Moog wrote: »

I often lie in bed thinking about those wrestling transvestites by the sea

I'm not sure which image makes me laugh most: the wrestling transvestites or you lying in bed thinking about them! Great story :rotfl:

Mortgage_Moog

needhouseadvice wrote: »

Thanks for taking the time to share you story. I think part of the reason is I don't like change but I didn't think it would affect me this much. I really do hope I can look back on this time and think what was the big deal one day!

How long have you been there now? It took me at least a month to adjust the first time, the second and third I adapted quickly but it's easy to have set backs and wobbles. I'd give it a good 3 months before even thinking of selling.

I think it might be the fact you're living in a studio that's doing it. It's so nice to have a bedroom to retreat to and shut everything else out. If you've never been without a bedroom before it can feel quite strange.

I also found it was the little things that you can change that make a big difference. I found ironing very hard and it was horrible to be wearing clothes that were creased and felt funny. Once I got used to that it made me feel much better because I didn't have to think about my clothes being ruined and having to spend more money I didn't have.

I also found that money makes a big difference to how you feel. In the first two moves I had tons of debt and very little spare income. This time my mortgage payments are tiny, I have no debt and lots of spare income. It does make you feel much better knowing that you don't have to worry about affording anything.

If you make a list on here of the top 5 things you don't like about your place then people can give you suggestions on how to deal with each one. You might find you can't even make it to 5 but give it a go.

getmore4less

needhouseadvice wrote: »

It's actually only a 15/20 min walk to more happening areas. I do need to get over myself!

That's(20min) the walk we have to our chosen local pub and the town/shops.

We think of that as being on our door step.

getmore4less

needhouseadvice wrote: »

Just a few weeks. Have already planned a few decorating jobs with friends.

The trick with this is to have a rough idea of the jobs you want to do but not rush into them.

Start pricing stuff up to do the jobs so you know room a will cost £XX.

Keep an eye out for deals on equipment and most of all paint that you will need for the jobs you have plans for.

if convenient check regularly for stuff going cheap in the DIY sheds, and buy stuff when on offer for the jobs in the future.

You will save loads or be able to get better quality for the same money. White emulsion and wood is the easy one just buy when cheap you will use it on ceiling and woodwork.

sites like hotukdeals can make save the trips .

If you don't like a room but not sure what to do with it you can start the job by stripping back and prepping with a basic neural/light finish, whatever you can find cheap.

Then when you decide the style of the room the final decorating will be quick and cheap, all the work is the preparation.

Get the prep right and it becomes a relatively easy job to change more often.

e13

I also felt like this, having just bought. I moved back closer to family but away from friends, and from a city that I love to a town that I like.

My house needed a fair bit of work doing to it, and I moved in just weeks before I had a set of professional exams. The first few nights I was okay, but then I came home one day and just looked at it and cried and cried and cried.

The house was a state and it was stressing me out. In the end I decided that I would only do jobs that made me feel better: eg hanging pictures, and demildewing the bathroom.

Cheap things that made me feel at home included: - new lamp shades - making sure I had one functioning room even if the others weren't okay - scrubbing the bathroom to within an inch of its life - making sure my sofas had loads of comfy throws and blankets so I could snuggle up underneath them and relax

Expensive things that made me feel better was: buying a new cooker then concluding that even a new cooker was not enough, ripping out the kitchen, then going to B&Q and spending £600 on a new one. Definitely the best £600 I've ever spent.

I've been trying to find places to visit, and I have to say that I'm a 25 minute walk from town and do think it's quite close. But then, I grew up 4 miles from any shop... Would definitely second buying a clunker of a bike if there's anywhere you can lock it up. Mine has lived outside for years, and while it doesn't thank me for it, it's pretty much fine.

Hope you settle in - I deffo think doubts are normal as you will always have to make compromises. My parents said it's always taken them 6 months to a year to feel at home and my granny agreed!

Mortgage_Moog

It's good to know from reading this thread that this is a common problem. I always thought it was just me that felt odd after moving but it seems it's quite common. I definitely recommend exploring the local area as mentioned in the previous answer. Nothing makes me feel better than just going out for a walk. I never started walking much until I lived alone but it gets you out, gives you time to think and I always feel better after returning home.

needhouseadvice

e13 wrote: »

I also felt like this, having just bought. I moved back closer to family but away from friends, and from a city that I love to a town that I like.

My house needed a fair bit of work doing to it, and I moved in just weeks before I had a set of professional exams. The first few nights I was okay, but then I came home one day and just looked at it and cried and cried and cried.

The house was a state and it was stressing me out. In the end I decided that I would only do jobs that made me feel better: eg hanging pictures, and demildewing the bathroom.

Cheap things that made me feel at home included: - new lamp shades - making sure I had one functioning room even if the others weren't okay - scrubbing the bathroom to within an inch of its life - making sure my sofas had loads of comfy throws and blankets so I could snuggle up underneath them and relax

Expensive things that made me feel better was: buying a new cooker then concluding that even a new cooker was not enough, ripping out the kitchen, then going to B&Q and spending £600 on a new one. Definitely the best £600 I've ever spent.

I've been trying to find places to visit, and I have to say that I'm a 25 minute walk from town and do think it's quite close. But then, I grew up 4 miles from any shop... Would definitely second buying a clunker of a bike if there's anywhere you can lock it up. Mine has lived outside for years, and while it doesn't thank me for it, it's pretty much fine.

Hope you settle in - I deffo think doubts are normal as you will always have to make compromises. My parents said it's always taken them 6 months to a year to feel at home and my granny agreed!

you managed to get a new kitchen for £600?! how??? sounds like you moved in at a very stressful time in your life. hope your exams went well. definitely the right decision to be close to your family.

needhouseadvice

Mortgage_Moog wrote: »

It's good to know from reading this thread that this is a common problem. I always thought it was just me that felt odd after moving but it seems it's quite common. I definitely recommend exploring the local area as mentioned in the previous answer. Nothing makes me feel better than just going out for a walk. I never started walking much until I lived alone but it gets you out, gives you time to think and I always feel better after returning home.

i've been on the internet a lot and there are SO MANY people who regret buying soon after they complete. glad i'm not the only one. it's an expensive lesson to always trust yourself and to compromise but not so much that you end up resenting the flat.