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Help Needed On Avoiding Care Fees

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  • Bogof_Babe
    Bogof_Babe Posts: 10,803 Forumite
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    Bravo Osmonddiva, it is people like you who make my mum's life not just bearable but enjoyable, in the winter of her days (she is 92).

    I think an apology is owed by some posters to care home workers. I know there are very rare incidences of bad practice (so rare that they make the News), but in general they are a lovely, hard-working and genuinely caring profession. And I don't us the word profession lightly. It takes an awful lot of skill and dedication to do what they do.

    Same goes for home carers, by the way. The ones my parents had all loved their job, and their clients loved them.
    :D I haven't bogged off yet, and I ain't no babe :D

  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,842 Forumite
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    (The press represent the minority of bad homes and the majority of good homes go un-represented as do their wonderfull carers. Nobody really chooses to enter a care home but often there will be a need for it and the majority of times it will be the best outcome.)

    My MIL is in a lovely home of her own choosing and the staff are fantastic. Scare stories in the media don't tell the whole story. She has her own en-suite room as does everyone else.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • MyRubyRed
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    Thanks to all who responded to my question but must admit that some I found very offensive.
    Let me make it clear. I wouldn't care if I never saw a penny of "inheritance" as long as my mum was alive and well looked after.
    I have spoken to about this on numerous occasions to try to allay her fears. It does not work. She feels, and I agree, that she and my father worked all of their lives, paid taxes throughout and claimed nothing ever from the state. And she is terrified of losing what she has. It is becoming her main topic of conversation and is upsetting for all.

    As to looking after her myself, I have no qualms about looking after my mother , I lov her to bits.

    Not looking to rip anyone off here but that's the way my question appears to have been taken by some. Not what I expected from this site.
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
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    For as long as this happens
    http://society.guardian.co.uk/longtermcare/story/0,,2171762,00.html
    there is a need to remain vigilant and not be complacent.
    Like everything in life, there's good and not so good. The good should not need comment as it should be standard. The not so good needs highlighting so improvements are made.
    All the reports published this year by the various agencies and committees are very clear that older people are being failed.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • osmonddiva
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    I think most parents would say that when the time of their passing comes they want their children to inherit some financial security. It is certainly what I wish to be able to provide for my own daughter. We work most of our lives to support a health system and is only fair we should expect that support for ourselves in our older age. My-RubyRed, your mother has every right to have her own wishes and for those wishes to be carried out as she see's fit. You should not allow the ignorance of others to make you feel bad or guilty in what is already a difficult time for both yourself and your mother. The very heart of any good care practice is that a person is not deprived of their right to choice or decision making. No matter what her decisions are you should carry on in your quest to help her achieve what she wishes. My guess is that she feels extremely strongly on this issue and that is her god given right, after all she and her husband will of worked hard enough for it.

    There is no doubt a minefield of opinions on this subject but as far as I see it, It's her right to decide what she does with her assets. when we deprive people of the right to choice we start on the road to poor practice.
  • ceridwen
    ceridwen Posts: 11,547 Forumite
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    MyRubyRed - I am not surprised you are feeling upset at the comments from some posters - with their implication that you are concerned about inheritance - I would have been furious if I were you. It was obvious to me that what you were saying is that it is your mother who is the one who is concerned - and that the subject of her concern is her right to do as she thinks fit with her own property. I would like to register that I think those posters who made those implications are right out of order for doing so. I, for one, can fully see and appreciate that you are genuinely concerned for your mothers welfare. I think the problem arises because some posters didnt take the trouble to read your original post properly - par for the course with life - it never ceases to amaze me how few people listen properly to what someone is saying to them - they just indulge in very hurried selective listening and then ride off on one of their hobbyhorses. I express my sympathies that some of them have misread your post.

    Thank you errata for your "Guardian" article - exactly what I am concerned about. Obviously we are all aware that some old peoples homes do have reasonable standards - and I have come across such myself. Equally obviously, I trust we are all aware that there are "the others" - and I have personally heard of these too (I can recall someone saying to me that she had found that the person she was visiting in one didnt get enough to eat and their clothes seemed to be "disappearing" and being very upset by this). Sweden's way of dealing with things is very much to be commended - and its long past time it was emulated here. Now what was that phrase about getting the measure of how civilised a society is by how it treats its old people? How true.

    Liked osmonddiva's last comment here!

    Another thought here is the mention earlier of an adult child still living at home - I have been and am aware of several people living in a parents home well into adulthood, and obviously (for whatever reason) these "children" are never going to buy a place of their own. I have seen various reasons for this - and now of course one must add current houseprice levels - but one thing all these adult "children" stay-at-homers I have seen have in common is that they are providing a high level of care for their elderly parents. A fine thank you it would represent from the State if it chucked them out on into Council accommodation (or worse) in order to sell their home over their head to cover the parents carehome fees.
  • Bogof_Babe
    Bogof_Babe Posts: 10,803 Forumite
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    You only have to read the thread title to understand why so many respondents took the line they did... "Help needed on avoiding care fees". Pretty unambiguous, isn't it? Whatever way you dress it up after receiving some critical comments, the OP should be in no doubt that the original question implied a measure of not wanting the elderly person concerned to have to use their own money to pay for their care.

    There is a thread elsewhere on this forum about putting 1p (in the £) on income tax to fund care for the elderly. This might or might not be the way to go, but in the meantime I still fail to see why an inheritance of personally unearned money should be allowed, either at the expense of the taxpayer or to the detriment of an elderly or sick person, to determine how a person who no longer needs their own home to dispose of it.

    If mum is upset at the prospect of paying for her old age out of her own finances, she needs reassuring that no inheritance is expected, not coercing into trying to dodge around the system.
    :D I haven't bogged off yet, and I ain't no babe :D

  • Elliesmum
    Elliesmum Posts: 1,519 Forumite
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    This is how I see it - it is not your inheritance it is your mother's house. It (the house) therefore should be there to support your mother in any which way it can.

    My mother has a herditary diesese that will not kill her but ensure that she will become totally dependant before she dies.

    My brother's and I have already accepted that the house will be sold and any savings my mother has will be spent on her care. It is her money, not ours and therefore she can spent it as she sees fit.

    EM xx
    You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
    Plato ;) Make £2018 in 2018 no. 37 - total = £1626.25/£2018 :j
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
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    MyRubyRed, I hope you've found some useful information in this thread. The odds are good for finding information on public internet forums, but sometimes the goods are odd ! Very often MSE threads wander all over the place, and stray far away from the original post. On the whole, there's more good than bad and more help than not.

    Sometimes as we get older we get bees stuck in our bonnets about things and worry unecessarily. Your mum sounds like she's got a bit stuck at the moment and perhaps hasn't thought of all the alternatives to a place in a care home. Would it be worthwhile sitting down quietly with her and explaining all the options? You might find it useful to point out that it's actually quite rare for an older person to need residential care, and that current thinking is to enable people to continue to live in their own homes surrounded by everything that's familiar, through an intensive package of care. The reason this is happening is because research shows that people fare better in their own homes than in a care home and also live a lot longer.
    It could be the fact that your mum doesn't really know what would be available to her in her own home when, and if, she needs it is making her think the only solution is a care home. Hope this helps.

    Ceridwen - you're right, there are good ones. My mum was in a council home and it was excellent. My SIL is attached to a £1000 pw home, and it's superb. The problem it seems is that generally the public expect 'the governement' to provide, but the public will be very loathe to fund it though increased taxation.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • MyRubyRed
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    Again feel the need to respond here. Problem is that my mum and dad believed that they were paying throughout their life (tax/NI) for the guarantee of a reasonable level of care from cradle to grave and at some point someone moved the goal posts.
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