It's my fault, so it's my responsibility. Time to take it.

[Deleted User]

I don't have any kids just got chubby through bad habits & laziness :rotfl:

I bought a lovely cardigan ages ago out of Asda & it has holey elbows because of how often I have worn it but I just can't bear to part with it.

Plus I kinda don't want to buy clothes until I am in a smaller size!

Doesn't help that I haven't stopped stuffing my face for the last week.

Aw it will be great when we are debt free, I cannot wait for that day!

Dxxx

Thistle-down

My new matra is "you deserve it when you can actually afford it!"

Thank you so much - this really hit home with me!

I want (and have to fight the feeling that I 'deserve' due to no drinking, no new clothes, basics only shopping, no smoking, etc.) a few things that total aprox £800 all together. I don't need any of these things. In the past, I would have bought them without a second thought and whacked them on a CC. Now I know I have to save up for what I want or we will never be financially stable. I only have £37 so far...

Delayed gratification is a very hard lesson for me, I was spoiled rotten as a child by my father before he died, and he gave me most of what I asked for. The cost never entered my mind, and if there was any hesitation I found a reason as to why I "needed" it as well.

Maybe as motivation to not spend extra on your children you can think about the lessons you are teaching them and how they will affect their own relationship with money. We all want our kids to be happy and have what they want but we are doing them no favours in the long run if we don't teach them the importance of working, saving up, and looking after what we already have. My husband had the bright idea of teaching our children to save 10% of their pocket/xmas money to buy things they wanted and they (now 14 and 18) have a much better grasp on their finances than I ever did! It has taken years and years for me to truly understand the value of money and hard work.

I know I will be far more appreciative of things when I have saved hard to buy them - and only when the money's there will I deserve them!

kindofagilr

debbie_debt wrote: »

We're the end of May! Going Monday - Friday and absolutely love it.

We love it as well

I noticed on the school holidays the kids have a teacher training day on the 5th June the monday, so it made that weekend cheap enough for us to book xx

enthusiasticsaver

All income goes into one joint account (we don't split up accounts or income at all) and then we both now take £150 spends each per month.

Great way of budgeting. We do that too so no sneaky personal spends on credit cards etc.

A few months ago my eldest son spilled milk all over his laptop = ruined laptop. I didn't have the heart to make him live without one; it was a genuine accident, but I knew my OH would say he needs to learn and can go without. So I bought him one on a CC to replace it.

Glad you realised the error of your ways and IMHO your OH was quite right. It is not the end of the world if your son had to wait for a new laptop and the lessons he will learn by waiting is you don't spend money you don't have and take better care of possessions. You are not alone though in feeling you are depriving your children of things if you do not grant their every wish the minute they want it. It is not healthy though I don't feel to not make them wait for things. With my daughters with large items we used to make them save up half themselves either by doing chores or saving birthday or Christmas money or pocket money. Great lesson to teach kids so they don't have a problem with "delayed gratification" as they get older.

debbie_debt

These last few posts have really made me think.

Thistle-down, I was also spoilt rotten as a child/teenager. We had much more money than I do now, and I think all my life I've just got what I wanted when I wanted it. I wasn't particularly demanding, there was no pony and sports car :rotfl:, but I never once went without anything. I had nice clothes, a car at 17, petrol etc paid for and I just enjoyed living. Now, when I really think about the comments you've all made, I think it's had a huge impact on me and I need to think about the way I treat my kids.

You're probably much more on the money (excuse the pun...) Enthusiastic. I need to have a sit down with my eldest about earning money and money management. He's equally undemanding day-to-day (he doesn't care about labels/new clothes etc, doesn't really go out much and has cheap hobbies) but he doesn't earn anything he gets. He is job hunting but it is very hard at 16 to get that first job. I might follow your lead there and get him earning it walking the dogs, doing chores etc. Yet another lightbulb moment for me!:j

Thistle-down I now have an envelope for 'treat' money, which I'm putting in some of my personal spends each month - just whatever I can spare. This is going to go towards some much-needed new clothes!!! £20 in there so far... I bet your £37 is looking pretty good right now isn't it :rotfl:

Debbie

debbie_debt

On an unrelated note, I've just done the banking for this month as it's payday :money:

There's £400 in the debts account (we piggy bank) to cover the minimum direct debits over the rest of the month, but on top of that I've managed to pay £788.06 off the barclaycard. Mega happy with that!

I know it seems ridiculous sending the 6p but it was in that account and I've decided every penny counts

Thistle-down

debbie_debt wrote: »

Thistle-down I now have an envelope for 'treat' money, which I'm putting in some of my personal spends each month - just whatever I can spare. This is going to go towards some much-needed new clothes!!! £20 in there so far... I bet your £37 is looking pretty good right now isn't it :rotfl:

Debbie

Well it has taken me a couple weeks to save it up... though instead of putting whatever is spare aside, I'm putting 10 - 20% of the profit of my ebay sales in. The rest is going into the joint pot to cover household bills. If I put whatever was leftover into my savings, I'd never have anything, I need to save it right away to keep it from being spent!

debbie_debt

I'm quickly getting annoyed at my own frittering of money. Last night, I bought a burrito at the trafford centre because my planned free meal at pizza express (clubcard vouchers were to pay) couldn't happen - there were massive queues. I then bought a drink on the way into Cirque du Soleil which I didn't really need and was too embarrassed to say no when he asked for £4 for a bottle of water! Annoyed at myself for that one. Unnecessary spending. I did stop myself splurging on our youngest in Hamleys though, which is an achievement for me.

Today is a bit of a 'down' day. It's a day when I want to just forget the budget and go spend a load of money on nothing, for no other reason than it makes me feel good. Why does spending make you feel good? You think earning money would feel better - watching it land in your bank account and having lots sitting there. But for me, it's the complete opposite. I get excited when I spend money. It's not even having the new things later, it's the simple act of spending money that I love. I think I need help :mad:

While the little one is having a nap, I might clean up and get the house looking good. Maybe bake a banana raisin loaf and try to make myself feel better. Or I might just spend an hour googling "therapy for spendaholics" and see how much I'd need to spend to get rid of my need to spend :rotfl:

BeTheChange

Hi Debbie


I have subscribed to your thread and look forward to reading about your journey. I too have huge debts due to treating myself and the kids to this and that but with not a lot to show for it.


I could have had the extension to my tiny kitchen I so want had I not frittered away the money - meals out being one of my weaknesses. Well I work fulltime in a demanding job and am a single mum so surely I deserve a treat - well quite clearly not as I couldn't afford it!!


Good luck - BTC

[Deleted User]

Aw debbie, don't be too hard on yourself.

I am the same tbh I love spending money! Bloody love it so much it's like a drug sometimes.

Nothing really beats that feeling, however look at what we are doing. We are here on this site trying to change the relationship we have with money.

So you spent a bit more than you wanted to but you didn't go all out spendaholic crazy did you? No you didn't & this is a massive acheivement!! Well for people like us it is anyway :rotfl:

Chin up lovely.

Dxxx