What should I do now?

MXW

piglet74 wrote: »

He hasn't rung you today and you sent him a chatty text and got no reply, and you are practically demanding an explanation,

Previously you text him , and after four hours you got no reply and you text him again,


I'm sorry, but IMHO, you are sounding desperate, and needy as mentioned above.

I sent him a chatty text today, got no reply and haven't contacted him since???? How is that demanding an explanation,????

piglet74

Read your first post!

He hasn't replied, and you feel he owes it to you to let you know what's happening,

Your question was, what will I do now,

My advice is, back off, leave him alone, if he wants to reply he will.

Georgiegirl256

There's nothing worse than someone texting and phoning to see why you haven't replied to the previous texts! It comes across as desperate, and will only succeed in pushing him further away.

MXW

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

There's nothing worse than someone texting and phoning to see why you haven't replied to the previous texts! It comes across as desperate, and will only succeed in pushing him further away.

I take your point, and I can see where you are coming from. The issue I have is that up until he met up with his ex, he was absolutely fine.....to be honest he was the insecure needy one! After seeing his ex, he has not contacted me, which is unusual for him, so something has happened. I just want some honesty, just tell it as it is.....if he's realised seeing me is not what he wants then JUST SAY SO, then we can both move on without any drama. Avoiding contact is not helpful and just drags things out...just be honest and tell it as it is!

piglet74

Be honest with yourself, if he doesn't reply, you can work the rest out for yourself,

Lambyr

As others have said, give him some space.

This bit...

After 4 hours, I received no response, so text him and said, that as I had received no response....I assumed that was my answer.

...would be something that would alarm me if I received it from someone. You may not have intended it as such, but it comes across as passive-aggressive and in such a new relationship would be a red flag. It sounds far too pushy and you may have inadvertently portrayed yourself as someone who will become argumentative or annoyed every time a text isn't answered in a time-frame that you agree with, particularly given you've just had a relationship conversation with him. He may now be wondering whether you might be controlling.

I'm not saying you are controlling - given your experiences it's understandable you don't want to waste your time/be strung along, but really, you're still in the getting to know each other phase.

My girlfriend - or heck my friends - sometimes send me long, chatty texts. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to read them at that moment - it's rude I know but sometimes a long text message isn't something I can deal with at the moment it comes in. I might be busy, I might be stressed... they know I'll respond eventually so they leave me be, because they know what I'm like. You don't really know what he's like yet, and he doesn't really know what you're like yet.

MXW

I've no intention of contacting him again. He goes on holiday on Friday for 2 weeks, so if I haven't heard from him by then, I will draw a line under it and move on.

FBaby

MXW, I feel for you because I've been there. I found dating emotionally draining because I rarely felt like I wanted to take things forward with the dates I met. It was a lot of effort for little reward, so when I did finally meet a man who I thought there might be something to take us forward, it was hard to remain detached. Like you, I met one who I could see myself fall in love with and who initially was much keener whilst I was a bit on my guards but he showed me many signs of encouragement and reassurance. He was calling me regularly, mentioning things about the future that included me in the picture, put the efforts into organising our next dates. Then one day, after we had had about 4 dates and were planning our next one, he started to come up with the warning sign excuses, said that he wasn't sure if he would be able to meet up on that date because he had something urgent to finish for work and a few hours before we were due to meet, said that he might have to cancel as he was stressed. I got a bit annoyed because I had to arrange childcare to meet him which wasn't easy at all, so he agreed to meet anyway. We did have a nice date, the fireworks were definitely there as before, the innuendos, the compliments etc...but the date did finish abruptly, leaving me very confused with mixed messages.

We were not due to meet for some time as he was going away camping with his kids (strangely very similar to you!) and at the time, meant no contact. He said he would call me when he was back. He didn't. I left it for a few days, then just send a quick message, nothing. After a few more days and one more message, I got annoyed and said that whatever the situation was, he could at least have the decency to let me know. That's when I got the long email about how he thought he had moved on from his ex (he had vaguely mentioned her but in such a flat tone that it was hard not to believe that he had indeed left her behind) but that she had called him before he went on holidays to say she'd met someone and that had triggered intense emotions in him, made him realised that he hadn't moved on at all and that it had sent him into a feeling of depression.

He said that he had felt an intense attraction for me, but that he was scared that he wasn't in a mental state to give me more than a physical relationship and he didn't want to hurt me further as he knew I was after more than that.

I was left much more hurt than I had anticipated, but there was nothing I could do at all but be thankful that indeed, it hadn't got any further. I still felt quite angry that having finally met someone I could project my future with, it all came crumbling down so quickly when he had been the one most keen to start with.

Maybe it is the same thing with this guy. At the same time, maybe it was just a coincidence that his contact wasn't as forthcoming as it had been before. These are the kind of things that you don't notice any longer once you're settled.

And of course, it could be that your reaction sent alarm bells to him because however much he understands your insecurities, he might have started to consider the impact it could have on him if indeed, you need such a level of reassurance that means it would stifle his independence.

There isn't much you can do at this stage but to wait. If his meeting with ex has triggered something, there is nothing you can do about it at all. He is either still very keen and if so, will let you know soon enough or he isn't, and he will either have 'the talk' or continue to gradually reduce contact or stop all together and then again, you will know.

Dating is tough but with perseverance, you will most likely meet someone with whom things will progress to a relationship that will make you happy.

peachyprice

Honestly OP? I think you're being taken for a ride.

One minute you're saying he's split up and paid off his ex but then you say he thinks she want to talk about divorce. Why would he pay her off before the divorce? Makes no sense.

I think they spent the weekend together after meeting up on Saturday, now he's hedging his bets and keeping you hanging on just in case she changes her mind about a reconciliation.

Run for the hills and look for a man that hasn't just come out of a 20+ year relationship, someone who is genuinely available.

hazyjo

I always think they're still married... I've been scorned a few times


I do find that if a 'relationship' is more about texting than ringing, one's married or it's not really above the very early stages. Let him chase you. Maybe just ring him one night instead of texting. Is he saying he lives on his own now?


Jx