Finances/relationships in later years

FBaby

Currently the house is my sole name!
Prior to his property selling 16 months ago I tried to find proportional ways to try to move things forward and make it fair and to give him more security but he closed down each conversation.

Really it comes down to the above and what the discussions entailed. I am wondering whether disagreements came about when there was discussion about entering a tenancy in common and not agreeing on the share, so in the end, it was decided that OP would get the house on her own, but he would then treat his assets and income as his.

OP now has the option to downsize for disposable cash, but I get the feeling that she would rather he shared his than touch her asset.

enthusiasticsaver

maman wrote: »

Am I the only one that's read the original posts differently. My understanding is that her partner is paying half of everything and a bit more than half of utilities. OP owns the house with no mortgage.
Where are posters getting the idea he's getting a free ride?

I guess because the initial plan was that they merge their finances and the OP sold her original house and bought a new one to suit his work commitments and to accommodate his daughter. He was then to sell his and they were to have a joint nest egg. That sounds fair.

If she had stuck with her original house presumably she would be coping better income wise. How about if he had let her move in rent free to his original house and just cover utility bills and food and she could have kept her house proceeds to herself? As the lower earner this would have made more sense? Why would that be less fair?

Of course this did not arise because presumably his original house was not suitable for his work or his daughter or why did the OP have to buy a new house? I am confused as to why both parties needed to sell their properties unless it was with the intention of buying a joint one which is something the OPs partner now seems reluctant to do but he is quite happy to let her provide the roof over his head while he keeps a stash of cash in the bank and lets her struggle. Whether it is mortgage free or not is irrelevant.

I think he sounds selfish and I would be looking to get out of this.

enthusiasticsaver

Freddy13 wrote: »

I can't imagine we are the only couple in this sort of situation as we get older we come into relationships differently, it's so easy when your young starting out and you neither have anything and grow together.
I have laid all my cards on the table stating I want a way forward that is fair to both of us I just don't know how to find that hence the post to find others who have experienced our difficulties to maybe find a bench mark to start from???

My mum and stepdad were in your situation op in that they both had homes which were mortgage free and were both widows/widower.

My mum wanted to downsize from a large four bed house to a two bed flat prior to their relationship getting serious so she sold up and bought a new flat. My stepdad moved in and sold his house. He then had the flat valued and gave my mum half the value and they changed the deeds to purchase it as tenants in common with each half treated separately. They both have a lifetime interest and got married anyway. On death of either party though the flat is split and my stepdads half is inherited by his two daughters and my mums half goes to me and my sister and brother.

They keep all other finances separate except for a regular monthly amount to cover household bills which go into a joint account. They were 70ish when they married and have been married 10 years.

Is this not a possibility with your partner? He purchases half the house you live in by relinquishing some of his nest egg and you change the ownership of the house to tenants in common in both your names?

Prudent

Hi OP,

I have some aspects of your arrangement with my partner and wondered if it would be helpful to see things work for another couple?

I have just taken ill health retirement and also have a low income from my pension. I do have very good savings. I own outright the house we both live in, but this happened more by default than design. On his (normal age) retirement he fully renovated his house. The result was lovely, but no longer felt like my partner's home, so he sold it. We explored buying a house together but nothing suitable has come on the market. My partner has the proceeds of his house in accounts that are solely in his name.

This is our 'solution' for making things fair:

If we buy new big ticket items like furniture, carpets, big electrical items etc we pay half each and I keep a log.These can easily be divided fairly if things change.

I pay all the bills, food and small items from my account. We tried splitting all costs 50/50, but when it came to it we were endlessly working out the split on things like weedkiller, plants, WD 40 etc. We did a spreadsheet and worked out averages for everything. My partner pays over half, but it this takes into account wear and tear on very big ticket items like the bathroom and kitchen both of which were refitted before he moved in.

We usually split holidays, going out etc 50/50, although we have both treated each other to a holiday this year and will buy each other meals etc.

Some things we just buy individually because we want them. I love cooking so will buy the odd kitchen gadget and he will buy something like an upgrade on his drill.

The work around the house tends to be fairly evenly split and we enjoy different things. I have health issues and at times he will do much more than me as I am too ill to do things myself.

We both have cars. Mine is newer and more reliable so is used for longer journeys. Due to my illness I can't always drive. I have a bus pass and use it when I can, but my partner gives me lifts a fair bit. We both pay the costs of our own cars. We use more of his petrol, but I am a comper and he often benefits from prizes that I win.

I keep any gain in equity and he keeps any income he generates with the money he has from his house.

I know there are flaws in our system too, but we are both happy with how things have worked out.

Primrose

Prudent - congratulations on achieving such a well thought out compromise. It seems that you have managed to achieve a pretty fair balancing of your financial system with which you are both comfortable. This isn't always easy when sometimes the scales weigh more heavily in one direction than the other. As always, I think trust in each other is the cement which holds everything together.

FBaby

Indeed Prudent this seems like a very fair arrangement. OP however seem to think that she should have a say or stake in the money her OP received from the sake of his house which is where I and a few others think isn't right if she wishes to remain sole owner of the joint house.

Andrew_Ryan_89

1. Put all your monthly income together
2. Minus your combined outgoings
3. Split the rest between you

Freddy13

I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for taking the time to reply offering both advice and practical solutions.
It has been a great help getting different perspectives from all and makes me reflect on both the past and the future journey forward.
My initial post was to try to help me find a solution that would both be fair and happy for both concerned moving forwards, again thanks

Freddy13

It's a great help, many thanks