Finances/relationships in later years

Slinky

I'm not surprised he won't put the proceeds of his house sale in joint names if the property you live in is in your name only.

There seem to be commitment issues here, I think you need to sort these out, at the moment it's easy for either/both of you to walk away in a similar position to where you started your relationship. Combining assets wouldn't be wise whilst there is uncertainty in relationship.

Freddy13

I can't imagine we are the only couple in this sort of situation as we get older we come into relationships differently, it's so easy when your young starting out and you neither have anything and grow together.
I have laid all my cards on the table stating I want a way forward that is fair to both of us I just don't know how to find that hence the post to find others who have experienced our difficulties to maybe find a bench mark to start from???

paddy's_mum

Freddy13 wrote: »

I am a stay at home partner makes life very simple and benifical eg cooking cleaning shopping

Jeepers, he's got it cushy, hasn't he? Paying out a meagre £250 a month tantamount to 'all in' is the bargain of the year.

Bear in mind that all his other expenses that you have listed would be down to him if he was living alone so don't really come into the equation, in my view.

He's keeping his hypothetical running shoes in good order and it's now very clear exactly why he doesn't reply when you try to instigate discussion and change.

Why upset the apple-cart when everything is going your way?

I agree wholeheartedly with bargainbetty's post - protect yourself and your own interests. It's only what your partner is doing, after all.

paddy's_mum

Slinky wrote: »

I'm not surprised he won't put the proceeds of his house sale in joint names if the property you live in is in your name only.

There seem to be commitment issues here, I think you need to sort these out, at the moment it's easy for either/both of you to walk away in a similar position to where you started your relationship. Combining assets wouldn't be wise whilst there is uncertainty in relationship.

I rather felt that the OP wants all the assets to be vested in both partners in the relationship not that she gets to own a house in her own name while also laying claim to a chunk of his money. Running things more like a marriage in fact.

While I agree that as you say things need sorting out, it's kind of hard to do that when the other party is refusing to engage on any level. :mad: where's that banging head on a brick wall smilie when you need it?

seven-day-weekend

I know you can't say what you would do in various situations until you are in them, but these are my thoughts:

If ( heaven forbid), I found myself alone and forming a new relationship, then my house would stay in my name (in reality, if my husband had died, the house ownership would be between me and my son). I would not put another person's name to an asset my husband and I had bought together and intended for our son.

Neither would I expect him to do so with his assets.

Income however, I would like to think that neither of us would struggle and would help each other out.

I have no advice for the OP really, if he won't engage, she can't make him.

Slinky

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I rather felt that the OP wants all the assets to be vested in both partners in the relationship not that she gets to own a house in her own name while also laying claim to a chunk of his money. Running things more like a marriage in fact.

That may well be the case, but it doesn't look from the outside that they are both reading from the same page.

Ozzuk

Does he feel as he's working and you aren't that he should have more of his money? It can be difficult if one partner is working and one isn't so it might not be a 'flight risk' thing and more he resents your retirement.

I'd go small step, keep house in your name for now, make sure you continue to prove money he gives you is for bills only (don't forget house maintenance, if he helps he can claim something). Have a joint account for bills and try and agree on a figure you are both happy with (or at least not too unhappy with). Leave 'his' money for him. Suggest you review in a year. At that point if it's gone well then you can consider merging all the assets - i.e. you recognise/put the house into his name as well and move the money to joint account.

If he won't do even this then probably time to discuss your future as a couple.

tattycath

Or does he feel that he's living predominantly rent free that he should also keep as much of his money as possible whilst watching you struggle-or rather not giving tuppence about you struggling and going without because he is sitting pretty isn't he.
So definitely do NOT change ownership of property, keep it solely in your name and start thinking about your own future.

maman

Slinky wrote: »

I'm not surprised he won't put the proceeds of his house sale in joint names if the property you live in is in your name only.

Freddy13 wrote: »

There is no mortgage, just the same utilities we all have,

I don't understand the posters who think your partner's having an easy ride for £250 per month. He pays £250 as a round figure for utilities although that's more than half the actual cost. For everything else including food he pays 50:50.


Why are you finding money tight OP? Is it because (half) the utilities are much higher than your previous home or because you're having a lifestyle that's more expensive than you had before (more holidays, fancier meals)? I realise you've gone for a bigger house to accommodate his daughter etc. but surely half the bills can't cost more than all the bills in your previous house.


Imagine a scenario where you'd both sold houses and banked the money. Then you rented somewhere and paid all the bills 50:50. That's roughly what's happening now except that you've got a house (far better investment IMO) and he's got money in the bank.


The question of whether he should pay more for your joint expenses because he earns more is a thorny one and often appears in threads. Personally I think it's his money and his choice. It may be the fact that you are better off than him (asset rich if cash poor) that influences his decision or it maybe that he thinks that 50:50 is a fair split.


I think the fact you've used 'in later years' as part of your title has a bearing on the situation. Many people forming relationships in later years want to protect what they've built up before, for example for children of former relationship. Sometimes because older people often go into a relationship more wary built on past experience so don't want to 'burn boats' financially.


Owning the house you're in a strong financial position. How you resolve your feelings about the relationship is a different question.

goodwithsaving

Freddy13 wrote: »

Currently the house is my sole name!

Remove the 'currently' and KEEP IT IN YOUR SOLE NAME.