How do you know when you've had enough?

fierystormcloud

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

I wasn't very good with my children as babies, it didn't come naturally to me. Once they got to the age where we could chat and play it become easier.

I split with my wife earlier this year, nothing to do with this and she's admitted now that I did a lot more than she thought I did, shes also had to go back to full time hours at work and our house is for sale.

Don't threaten splitting up or divorcing unless you really want it.

This ^. I think a lot of men are the same, especially in their 20s, and 30s, when kids are young. Don't always know what to do to be the best dad or husband. It's a learning curve, like women learning to be a good mother or wife.

I can't add any more to what has already been said, but the best of luck to you.

Secondtimemummy

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

I wasn't very good with my children as babies, it didn't come naturally to me. Once they got to the age where we could chat and play it become easier.

I split with my wife earlier this year, nothing to do with this and she's admitted now that I did a lot more than she thought I did, shes also had to go back to full time hours at work and our house is for sale.

Don't threaten splitting up or divorcing unless you really want it.

Thanks for this, I never would threaten that I imagone it would be very damaging if I did. I appreciate that he works hard and pays our bills which allows me to be with the children and now I'm going into education I'll be able to help to. I don't under estimate all that he does. However I don't believe I ask for a lot that every now and again he may have to watch the youngest.

missbiggles1

Secondtimemummy wrote: »

Thanks for this, I never would threaten that I imagone it would be very damaging if I did. I appreciate that he works hard and pays our bills which allows me to be with the children and now I'm going into education I'll be able to help to. I don't under estimate all that he does. However I don't believe I ask for a lot that every now and again he may have to watch the youngest.

But I thought you'd been working and were giving up your job to go to university, so I assumed you've been contributing financially already.

Don't forget you're likely to be away from the house far less when at university than you've been doing your job (although obviously you'll have lots of study to do at home) and you'll have all the holidays when you're there all the time as well.

cr1mson

Who was behind the impetus for you going to university? If it is a decision you made maybe he feels it has been imposed on him. Maybe he thought once #2 was older he would get you back. Maybe he is worried that you will go off to uni and leave him behind. Nobody really knows but I do think you need to sit down and talk it through.

Secondtimemummy

Sorry I've been a bit cagey, worried someone might recognise me.

So when we had our first, I took 9 months off maternity and then took on an extra early morning job which I paid those wages into the house. I down graded my old position at the other job and to part time and that paid my personal bills for the month. The early morning job was covering maternity so once that finished my husband was happy for me to just pay my own bills. He's never said otherwise and weve never had words. We started trying for the second and (not going to reveal too much here) ended up me looking into this new career (as it would fit better with children) then found out we had gotten pregnant so it went on the back burner until after. So my maternity is coming to an end and this course is low maintenance and local (a night course) so not going to rock the boat. Hope that clears some things up.

Cooling down after my initial post I do think, it will get easier as baby gets older and he is confident in dealing with older children. I guess I was in the here and now of being annoyed and ranted. I just wish I could have a guilt free time leaving him with the baby before during and after. I dont expect him to make me feel guilty and certainly don't feel like he should.

Dill

(slightly tongue in cheek..)

when you start soliciting the opinions of complete strangers on the internet regarding whether to leave your husband :cool:

PeacefulWaters

When you know it will never improve.

rpc

Not all men are comfortable with babies - it's quite possibly that. The 9 months of preparation aren't really the same between the genders. Society casts it as a mothers role and you wouldn't believe the sexism you can run into as a dad out with their baby.

Sounds like it is a bit of "aargh baby" and "what does the future hold" but don't forget that men can suffer postpartum depression too.

You need to have a proper talk about stuff. You need time without baby, but he also needs to be comfortable with what he is doing.

AshleyBurf

Heart to heart communication has to be the way forward. Never speak to each other under the influence of alcohol. Sit in front of each other and breathe. Do not say anything. Connect at each other's heart.

Also, try aspecting. Get a cushion and be on your own at home. Call your partner to energetically sit on that cushion and now let it out on him. Let everything you need to say to him out. Now, swap and now pretend to be him and you are the cushion. Keep the conversation going and eventually you will come to a finish.

This will help a lot.

Detroit

AshleyBurf wrote: »

Heart to heart communication has to be the way forward. Never speak to each other under the influence of alcohol. Sit in front of each other and breathe. Do not say anything. Connect at each other's heart.

Also, try aspecting. Get a cushion and be on your own at home. Call your partner to energetically sit on that cushion and now let it out on him. Let everything you need to say to him out. Now, swap and now pretend to be him and you are the cushion. Keep the conversation going and eventually you will come to a finish.

This will help a lot.

Say, what now...???