only getting DLA - no other benefits

missbiggles1

Celifein wrote: »

Do you consider "I am so sitting on my hands..." to be good advice? I'm struggling to see how it was helpful to the OP.

Perhaps not, but it certainly didn't do any harm.

Talk about damned if you do etc....

Alice_Walker

Celifein wrote: »

Do you consider "I am so sitting on my hands..." to be good advice? I'm struggling to see how it was helpful to the OP.

Is a little quip any harm? We are all human after all, if we didn't want interaction we would simply rely on Google.

If I set out a scenario and someone responded with "sitting on hands" then I'd take it as a hint to look at what I'm doing. Goodness knows I've made enough mistakes and, even if not at the time, I'm generally grateful to the people that have tried to gently guide me away from doing so.

(And I'm not suggesting the baby is a mistake, just their financial/ work plans going forward.)

Alice_Walker

I was talking with a CAB trainer recently, he was saying that they now will not carry out a benefits check without a full SOA, and debt management advice if appropriate. They help people claim what they're entitled to, and a year later they'll be back saying they're in debt because they've not paid their rent (that they've been receiving LHA for).

Tackling one problem in isolation is pointless, any advice needs to take into account the full household situation. And sometimes that needs a gentle kick up the bum that they need to look at the choices they are making.

missbiggles1

Celifein wrote: »

But it didn't help and this board is supposed to be about helping people. In what way would you have been damned if you didn't? Not posting your reply would have made to no difference to you or the OP. Posting it could potentially alienate someone looking for help. That isn't a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.

I agree there is sometimes a case for making suggestions that might be helpful that don't relate to benefit entitlement, such as with the lady who posted a few days ago who was losing her benefit entitlement but didn't want to make any to changes to her lifestyle and started sounding off about people living the "benefits lifestyle". I think that whoever suggested the husband visit the pain clinic to see if there are other options in terms of treatment or mobility aids that will give him more indepedence made a good non-benefit suggestion here.

If I'd posted what I might have like to have said it would have been very helpful - but it would have been very unpopular with some. I decided to take the road of discretion but still get criticised for it, which is why I said you can't win sometimes.

Anyway, now lindyloo's taken the thread way of topic, I'll stop posting and hope it gets back on track.:)

missbiggles1

Celifein wrote: »

I agree (see the second paragraph of the post above yours). It's the same theory behind what I was trying to discuss on the ESA Cuts thread regarding mental health treatment: there's no point just giving someone pills or a couple of sessions of CBT when they have deeper issues, you need to look at community care, life skills, confidence-building, etc. in order to achieve long-term improvement.

I fully support the holistic approach. I don't support unhelpful, sarky comments on a board that has a sticky at the top asking people not to make unhelpful, sarky comments.

My comment would've been not only holistic but central to improving the OP's situation and definitely from a different angle ; I in no way "disagreed with what she was asking" as you stated.

Don't put words in my mouth!

Alice_Walker

Celifein wrote: »

I agree (see the second paragraph of the post above yours). It's the same theory behind what I was trying to discuss on the ESA Cuts thread regarding mental health treatment: there's no point just giving someone pills or a couple of sessions of CBT when they have deeper issues, you need to look at community care, life skills, confidence-building, etc. in order to achieve long-term improvement.

I fully support the holistic approach. I don't support unhelpful, sarky comments on a board that has a sticky at the top asking people not to make unhelpful, sarky comments.

Essentially all we're talking about is a difference in posting styles, some prefer a gently gently approach, some are more direct (or indirect!). We're in agreement that people need to look at their lifestyles as opposed to just how much benefits they can get.

What that does not excuse is pmlindyloo's personal and offensive comments about other posters, even more so when she singles one poster out. All because our views differ, that is not acceptable. And there are people who choose not to post here because they know they'll be jumped on for expressing an opposing view.

(Edited because the original post said the same thing three times!)

kazzah

Ok so I have read the OP's post from 2012
and it seems very little has changed other than she is now expecting a baby.

in 2012 she posted here, having been to her local CAB and been told by ( presumably) trained advisors that due to her income her OH was likely not eligible for ESA or a range of income related benefits.

so I can only assume that in the intervening 4 years she hoped for some policy change which might have supported them better financially.

clearly this hasn't happened so the best way for her to support her family and OH would be to seek ways in which their financial situation can be bettered - perhaps by her husband seeking a different solution to his pain situation and possibly returning to work.

missbiggles1

Celifein wrote: »

I didn't say you disagreed with what she was asking, I said you disapproved of what she was asking. I got the impression that you felt she should focus on something other than her benefit entitlement. I accept that it's hard to get an exact read on what someone meant from a vague comment about sitting on their hands, so if I've misunderstood I apologise.

If you think you can help her and can do so in a way that won't cause her to disengage (which is unfortunately as issue when taking a harder approach), there's no reason why you shouldn't. You've never struck me as someone who's concerned with being unpopular until you mentioned it today.

I apologise, I wrote "disagreed" when I meant "disapproved". I didn't disapprove of what she was asking.

When people get trigger happy with the report button, that's what I mean by "unpopular"!

I am now definitely off and suggest you get back to advising the OP.

Poppie68

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Let me make it quite clear that I did not say that anyone had been particularly harsh in their comments.

I posted because I am, frankly, sick of people making unnecessary comments.

it all started with Missb - 'I am sitting on my hands' - with 10 thanks. What is that all about?

Then we have people making assumptions about the extent of the OP's husband's illness. Why?

Then people start giving advice about how her OH can get better/improve.

There is an implied assumption here that her OH should be working or looking after the new baby, followed by stories of how other people can work and child care with the same condition.

We know nothing about the OP or her OH. (or at least on first reading of the post we didn't)

Those are the comments that really annoy me.

I know I should not be replying at all as it only 'feeds' those posters who go from one forum to another (try the relationship and discussion forum for examples) poking fun and making silly comments.

Generally I let them get on with it and feel sorry for their need for attention and that they have such sad lives that they have to use a forum to get their laughs.

Others are genuinely trying to be helpful but it is misplaced without knowing the full facts. It is not this group that concerns me.

I know I have no right to try and 'police' this forum but I am genuinely concerned that a group of people are trying to discredit this particular forum.

There is a dire lack of advice about benefits for people and this forum should be a place where people can come and expect a reply with no suggestion of judgement.

If it is going to be 'taken over' by a small number of people to get some kind of 'I don't know what' then I shall be leaving.

For anyone who wants to read the background of the OP then they can here. ( I hadn't read it before I posted originally.)

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/52665467#Comment_52665467

You are right out of order, I have very rarely put my life experiences on this forum and my doing so now DOES NOT mean I have a 'sad life'. Your showing a very nasty side of yourself now......does that mean you have a 'sad life'.

Stop trying to police the forum you have absolutely no right to have a go at anyone who posts something that differs from your style of posting.


You have completely dis-railed this thread with your virtuous comments...maybe you should take your own advice and go down to DT!

wellynever

Poppie68 wrote: »

You are right out of order, I have very rarely put my life experiences on this forum and my doing so now DOES NOT mean I have a 'sad life'. Your showing a very nasty side of yourself now......does that mean you have a 'sad life'.

Stop trying to police the forum you have absolutely no right to have a go at anyone who posts something that differs from your style of posting.


You have completely dis-railed this thread with your virtuous comments...maybe you should take your own advice and go down to DT!

I see nothing nasty about the post only truthful things, people must see things very differently.