Marriage might be over

affordmylife

Hello everyone.

I've been married for 13 years and together for 22 years. We have a daughter between us who is 17 and another four children older than that we had before we got together.

I'm not perfect by any stretch but my husband has become increasingly selfish and miserable and all he wants to do is go to the pub.
We have sold our house - move out Monday into a rented house.

He has looked at mobile homes which he wants to live in and spend all his money on beer. We have also seen a house we both like to buy but I don't feel I can commit to buying a house which him whilst out relationship is so dire.

I'd really appreciate any ideas or suggestions. I don't want to stay with him just because I can't afford to live alone. He deserves better x

tacpot12

You deserve better. I would't buy another property with your husband of you are considering separating. I would get settled into your new rented property before doing anything else.

If there is going to be some money left over from the sale of your current house get the solicitor to split the cash and give it to you separately. This may persuade your husband that separation is going to leave him considerably worse off and with a lot less beer money.

Has your husband been to the doctors to see if they think he is clinically depressed? This might be at the root of his problems and some medication may help a lot.

AylesburyDuck

Does your husband know how you feel regaurding the pub and how selfish he's become.
Its the first port of call for anything i think and will give you more of an idea where you stand.

DigForVictory

Read wikivorce.
Have a quiet half hour with a divorce lawyer.

Then have a serious, sober, conversation with your husband. You may decide to stay in rented accommodation a bit longer than initial planned to give yourselves a chance to negotiate.
Best of luck.

affordmylife

Thank you so much for your replies. I've been telling him for ever that he's become selfish etc. Yes we will go into rented and potentially I will stay there. There will be about £80,000 each from house sale but I'll never get a mortgage so I've no idea what I can do with that x

lewishardwick

Keep it safe. £80k will put a roof over your head for a good while.
Is your husband employed? From your first post I guess you're in your late 30's/early 40's? Perhaps he's stuck in a rut, for want of a better phrase... Telling him he's selfish may come across as nagging.

First, what do you want? Are you willing to work on the marriage? He might need your support more than he realises. Men keep their issues well hidden sometimes. I don't meant to sound like I'm taking sides, but who knows what's going on in his head...

AylesburyDuck

affordmylife wrote: »

Thank you so much for your replies. I've been telling him for ever that he's become selfish etc. Yes we will go into rented and potentially I will stay there. There will be about £80,000 each from house sale but I'll never get a mortgage so I've no idea what I can do with that x

What i meant more was, does he know/have you told him that its now a problem for you to the point of considering separation. He cant do anything about it if he doesnt know its broken.

missbiggles1

affordmylife wrote: »

Thank you so much for your replies. I've been telling him for ever that he's become selfish etc. Yes we will go into rented and potentially I will stay there. There will be about £80,000 each from house sale but I'll never get a mortgage so I've no idea what I can do with that x

Is there a reason for this or are you just assuming?

prowla

It'd be interesting to hear the husband's side of things.
I remember I used to go out to work, pay the mortgage, pay the bills, do the shopping, give my ex £600 a month, and when I'd get home from a 12-hour day commuting into the City, she'd say I was selfish (and lazy too) because other people's husbands would do X, Y and Z.

affordmylife

I'll never get a mortgage as I'll be 50 next year and don't earn a great amount x

affordmylife

Yes we've talked a lot so he does know and he's agreed he is selfish but he wants what he wants and not what I do. So I either go along with it or change something x