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Bedroom problems
MXW
Posts: 563 Forumite
After some advice, probably from a male point of view.
I met a man online (we are both in our fifties), we were chatting online, which then progressed to telephone calls. We have been out one 1 date that went fantastically well, we both had a great night and he made no secret of how much he enjoyed the evening.
Because of circumstances, it was a fortnight since we saw each other again. In the interim he was texting and ringing most days. He suggested, that we go out for the day, and then go out for a meal. He doesn't live near me, so booked a hotel.
His background is that he is a businessman and has a very stressful job, on the top of that he is trying to sell the matrimonial home, which has fell through on a few occasions, on the top of that, he has been told by the landlord of the apartment he rents, that he is selling it, so he needs to find somewhere else to live until the house is sold. He was married for 25 years, and it was a mutual split. He has been single for a year, and for the last 2 years of his marriage they didn't have sex, and in the year he has been single, he hasn't had sex.
Anyway, we went out for the day yesterday, and out in the evening, and had a fabulous time. We went back to his hotel room, one thing led to another, but unfortunately he couldn't do the deed (if you know what I mean). He was very stressed and upset, as you can imagine!
I made it clear that it wasn't an issue, or a big deal. He didn't text me to make sure I got home ok (which is unusual), and he hadn't contacted me. I sent him a chatty text, and he replied that he was down today. Again I told him that it really wasn't an issue, I didn't think any less of him, and it was just one of those things. He went on to say that he was all mouth and no trouser's, and that he had ruined the night. Again, I told him he hadn't, and that everything was fine. He said that he was stressed, and that he hadn't realised how stressed he would be meeting someone new.
I sent a further text, saying that if he was feeling stressed by seeing me, then he could call it a day, although that wasn't what I wanted, but didn't want him to feel obliged to see me.
He sent me a text back, saying that I deserved more than he could give me, he obviously sent the text before he had finished it. So sent another one saying he would ring me tomorrow (but made a joke of the fact he had made a mess withof the text).
So now, I've gone from being really happy, and him being really happy, to this! I've no idea what's going through his head right now, and don't know what to think?
Any advise would be welcome.
I met a man online (we are both in our fifties), we were chatting online, which then progressed to telephone calls. We have been out one 1 date that went fantastically well, we both had a great night and he made no secret of how much he enjoyed the evening.
Because of circumstances, it was a fortnight since we saw each other again. In the interim he was texting and ringing most days. He suggested, that we go out for the day, and then go out for a meal. He doesn't live near me, so booked a hotel.
His background is that he is a businessman and has a very stressful job, on the top of that he is trying to sell the matrimonial home, which has fell through on a few occasions, on the top of that, he has been told by the landlord of the apartment he rents, that he is selling it, so he needs to find somewhere else to live until the house is sold. He was married for 25 years, and it was a mutual split. He has been single for a year, and for the last 2 years of his marriage they didn't have sex, and in the year he has been single, he hasn't had sex.
Anyway, we went out for the day yesterday, and out in the evening, and had a fabulous time. We went back to his hotel room, one thing led to another, but unfortunately he couldn't do the deed (if you know what I mean). He was very stressed and upset, as you can imagine!
I made it clear that it wasn't an issue, or a big deal. He didn't text me to make sure I got home ok (which is unusual), and he hadn't contacted me. I sent him a chatty text, and he replied that he was down today. Again I told him that it really wasn't an issue, I didn't think any less of him, and it was just one of those things. He went on to say that he was all mouth and no trouser's, and that he had ruined the night. Again, I told him he hadn't, and that everything was fine. He said that he was stressed, and that he hadn't realised how stressed he would be meeting someone new.
I sent a further text, saying that if he was feeling stressed by seeing me, then he could call it a day, although that wasn't what I wanted, but didn't want him to feel obliged to see me.
He sent me a text back, saying that I deserved more than he could give me, he obviously sent the text before he had finished it. So sent another one saying he would ring me tomorrow (but made a joke of the fact he had made a mess withof the text).
So now, I've gone from being really happy, and him being really happy, to this! I've no idea what's going through his head right now, and don't know what to think?
Any advise would be welcome.
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Comments
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I'd stop texting and talk to him.
Also, you've been on two dates. Perhaps just get to know each better so he can relax rather than feel pressured to do anything more.' <-- See that? It's called an apostrophe. It does not mean "hey, look out, here comes an S".0 -
His background is that he is a businessman and has a very stressful job, on the top of that he is trying to sell the matrimonial home, which has fell through on a few occasions, on the top of that, he has been told by the landlord of the apartment he rents, that he is selling it, so he needs to find somewhere else to live until the house is sold. He was married for 25 years, and it was a mutual split. He has been single for a year, and for the last 2 years of his marriage they didn't have sex, and in the year he has been single, he hasn't had sex.
How often have we heard some close variant on this story here?
You might be the genuine one of course but in the vast majority of cases, it never seems to work-out well for the OP.
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Are you sure he is single?0
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Is the address his main place of living? Not just a weekend place they haven't sold yet etc? If either call him or pop round. I wouldn't discuss this Via text.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0
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Be very careful that he's not looking for a new place to stay.0
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Leave it. The bloke's a mess; the story's a bit suss; you seem keen to progress things when you've just had a car crash.
Back off, stop the texting .... in time you'll get talking again, or not.0 -
Wouldn't be surprised if he had the same problems with his ex wife.
In my late forties now, had a few years single in my thirties and didn't have those kind of problems on the odd occasions I was 'friendly' with someone. Sure I worried about it, but it didn't ever happen.
I'd probe a little deeper in to his life if I were in your shoes.0 -
Hmmm...
I'd cut him some slack. When you have been with someone for 20+ years, sex with someone new feels like you are cheating, and that doesn't feel right, so it can lead to just the sort of problems the OP has mentioned.
So I am told.0
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