Plz help. Pregnancy at 40. How to cope this stree or fear or getting pregnant at 39+

anmarj

I fell pregnant just before my 40th, found on my 40th, gave birth at 40 weeks after monitoring and only one extra scan, due to me having small bump, but baby was fine, ended up with a 9lb! I had some extra appointments as I also have a blood clotting problem but that was okay, after I gave the consultant the riot act (ops) as I appeared to know more than he did, along with banning his nurse due to previous history with her being anywhere near me and my tot, my pregnancy went fine.

Sure one of the woman at my antenatal class who was due at the same time was older than me! My hubby is six years older and was happy to see a father to be older than him at the class. I nearly became the subject of the antenatal class as we went so close to my due date (mix up in who was supposed to give me the details!)

cats2012

I don't know if you're scared about the actual getting pregnant part or the pregnancy and baby itself but I've definitely learnt both can throw you curve balls at any age. I'm 27 and it's taken 18 months to get to 9 wks pregnant as I am now and I'm still terrified things will go wrong. Then I know 40 year with more energy than me and easy wonderful pregnancies and fantastic children so a lot will just depend many things other than age.

Joy_mate

anmarj wrote: »

I fell pregnant just before my 40th, found on my 40th, gave birth at 40 weeks after monitoring and only one extra scan, due to me having small bump, but baby was fine, ended up with a 9lb! I had some extra appointments as I also have a blood clotting problem but that was okay, after I gave the consultant the riot act (ops) as I appeared to know more than he did, along with banning his nurse due to previous history with her being anywhere near me and my tot, my pregnancy went fine.

Sure one of the woman at my antenatal class who was due at the same time was older than me! My hubby is six years older and was happy to see a father to be older than him at the class. I nearly became the subject of the antenatal class as we went so close to my due date (mix up in who was supposed to give me the details!)

Thank you. Bit relieved.
How did u find to socialize after having baby?
Also did you feel anytime that you lack energy to raise baby at this age?(sorry it's a silly)

Savvy_Sue

My feeling is that you cope with what life throws at you in this area, because really, what's the alternative?

Socialising was mostly with other mums with babies / at the school gate. But then I've never had a very active social life anyway.

People with very limited energy (eg mums with ME or other debilitating illnesses) work out what they need in order to cope, and work out how to get it.

Even having babies before you're 40 can leave you exhausted and with no energy. I developed the habit of drinking cold tea, because I'd say to DS1 "I'll do that (play with you, cook tea, read to you) when I've finished my tea." "Sorry love, still not quite finished my tea!"

If you can work out what specifically you're worried about, or tell us a bit more about your situation, we may be able to be more supportive.

BTW, if you know you would NOT abort a child with disabilities, then you can (as kfb did) refuse additional tests. There are some situations where it may help to know what you're facing beforehand, but just as many where it doesn't.

Person_one

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

BTW, if you know you would NOT abort a child with disabilities, then you can (as kfb did) refuse additional tests. There are some situations where it may help to know what you're facing beforehand, but just as many where it doesn't.

You can, but unless the test itself poses a significant risk, I can't imagine why you would. If there is a problem, then knowing what it is can mean treatment can be given as soon as possible (maybe even while baby is still in utero) and potential risks can be avoided during pregnancy, birth and immediately after.

onlyroz

I can't really get from your post whether you want a baby or not. Are you trying to get pregnant or are you looking for ways to make sure it doesn't happen?

Spendless

Person_one wrote: »

You can, but unless the test itself poses a significant risk, I can't imagine why you would. If there is a problem, then knowing what it is can mean treatment can be given as soon as possible (maybe even while baby is still in utero) and potential risks can be avoided during pregnancy, birth and immediately after.

I agree with this. My first pregnancy was terminated due to abnormalities meaning best case scenario was he would live for a few minutes after birth. In my next pregnancy I was asked if I wanted the tests because 'If I wouldn't terminate this time there was no point'. It was left till my next appointment, when thankfully I saw someone else who were a lot more supportive of my need to know regardless of what decision would have been made it the news had been bad.

Spendless

kingfisherblue wrote: »

My three children were born by the time I was thirty, and one has Down's Syndrome. In the last eighteen years since his birth, I have met only a couple of mums who were 35+ when they conceived a child with DS. The youngest mum I know of was 16. Most of us were in our twenties or early thirties.

I'm telling you this to reassure you. When you hear of a mum aged around 40, many people think of Down's Syndrome. Even if it does occur, it's not the end of the world. If tests are positive, though, I believe that the pressure to abort is quite intense (according to what other parents have told me). It's personal choice though.

I was 32 weeks pregnant when DS was mentioned as a possibility. The consultant was downright rude to me, insisting that I have an amniocentesis two days later. He also said (and I quote), 'Well, what do you expect when you refused the tests!). I had my care transferred to a different consultant the same afternoon.

Having a baby at any age is exhausting, but also very exciting. I love my three to bits, and am now a granny to a twenty month old granddaughter. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope that your baby brings as much joy as mine have given me.

I have no experience of anyone expecting a baby with DS, but when I was told my baby had abnormalities I found no-one medical would advise either way. They said it was my decision. This wasn't a baby who was going to live though.

Savvy_Sue

Person_one wrote: »

You can, but unless the test itself poses a significant risk, I can't imagine why you would. If there is a problem, then knowing what it is can mean treatment can be given as soon as possible (maybe even while baby is still in utero) and potential risks can be avoided during pregnancy, birth and immediately after.

Obviously it's a personal decision: some of the tests pose more risks than others. I'm just saying it's something to consider.

Tigsteroonie

Blood tests gave us a 1/5 chance of our son having DS, we refused amino as we would not have terminated. We had additional scans as a result.

It turned out our son was prem, is deaf and autistic. None of that could have been predicted with tests; and is unrelated to my age.