Moving in with Mother

asli71

Hi I was hoping you good people may be able to give me some advice, basically my dad died a few years ago and my mum isn't faring too well living on her own. We have decided that it may be best to sell up and buy somewhere bigger for us all to live together.

The facts she has a house worth approx £140k and savings of £140k (payout of my dads pension and death in service payments)

We have a house worth £185k of which approx £50k is equity

The house we want is £325k

There are no other siblings.

She is fine, in good health just bored and a little depressed living on her own.

So, whats best, do we sell both houses to raise the money and if so what are the ramifications of this, she has no interest in being named on any paperwork unless she has too, the promise that I wont see on the street is enough:), although conversely I have no issue with her being named on the paperwork if this is better in the long run.

Or do we use my mums savings and rent her house out, the rent would then drip feed back into her savings giving her some extra cash on top of her pension. But again, what are the ramifications of this in terms of tax etc, I know second residence stamp duty is higher but in the long run that would paid off quite quickly by the rent.

Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated.

Cakeguts

Unless you buy a house on a bus route and close to all shops and your mum's friends having her move in with you will not cure any of her problems. She needs to be able to spend time with her friends, go shopping without you taking her and live her own life otherwise you will isolate her.

She is in good health now but what are you going to do if this doesn't continue and she becomes disabled?

Have you considered sheltered housing for her? Or are you trying to use her money to buy a big house?

What happens if you and your partner split up and have to sell the house or you are unemployed and unable to pay the mortgage? I assume that at the moment your mum owns her house and doesn't have mortgage or were you hoping to put all of her savings into your nice house as well as the equity in her house?

basil92

Cakeguts wrote: »

Or are you trying to use her money to buy a big house?

What happens if you and your partner split up and have to sell the house or you are unemployed and unable to pay the mortgage? I assume that at the moment your mum owns her house and doesn't have mortgage or were you hoping to put all of her savings into your nice house as well as the equity in her house?

The cynic in me made this my first thought.

I am struggling to see how any of the suggestions would help 'mum' at all.

[Deleted User]

If she needs more support, can't you just move closer to her.., or have her move closer to you? As already mentioned, moving her closer to you could mean she loses more than she gains (in terms of knowing the neighbourhood, friends, other sources of support etc).

Unless you and your mother get on very well, making her more a part of the family could also be stressful for both you and your mother. Ways of dealing with this need to be considered.., regardless of where she lives.

Detroit

The suggestion would help mom if she doesn't want to live alone and wants to live with the OP.
Many lonely elderly people would love to live with their children.
If OPs mom isn't one of them, presumably the idea wouldn't be mooted in the first place. They're not going to force her surely.

If mom is going to live with the OP in a big house, she won't need her current home, so I don't see why it is a detriment to her to give it up to assist with the purchase of the new place, that she will also enjoy.
If she went into a care home she'd have to give up house and savings.

Other advantages to mom include no more worries about bills, house maintenance or fear of having an accident with no one around.

Possibly also meals cooked, and laundry and housework done, which may be especially important as she gets frailer, when so many older people don't eat properly and struggle with chores.

On the OPs side, yes, they get to buy a bigger house than maybe they could otherwise afford, but will be giving up privacy, and possibly freedom as mom gets older, when they may find themselves in the role of carer.

Living with adult children is a natural way of life in many cultures, and works to the advantage of both parties.

I really don't understand the cynicism around the OPs post.

SailorSam

Could you get something with a 'granny flat' so that you'll both have some independance.

AFF8879

100% agree with Detroit. I think it's a shame the first posters were so cynical. 99.9% of mothers I know love nothing more than being around / fussing after their kids - and if there's grandkids / possibility of grandkids and being around them every day - that takes care of the extra 0.01% :-p

He clearly stated he has no issue with his mother being on the deed of the house.

To answer the question, given her (likely) age, I wouldn't use her savings. Keep those there/safe for her to use if she needs them. I would 100% try and sell either one or both of the houses.

kimplus8

I think it's wonderful that you want to have your mum living with you, we are so far removed from families staying together and offspring looking after the older generation when they need it. Is the place your looking at a huge home or a home with separate annex for your mum?
In terms of inheritance I think there may be some tax implications if the sale of the property is seen as being gifted to you for a bigger home, but I'm not totally clued up on this, I'm sure someone with more insight will be along.
K+8

teddysmum

What would be the situation if the lady put most of her savings and house sale money into the shared house, then later needed care ?


Normally a spouse or dependant (and I believe elderly relative) would stay in the house they shared, meaning it is not counted in the calculation of assets to determine care help. However, the OP fits none of these categories and the lady would have considerable assets.


It could be claimed that she would never be put into care, but, unfortunately , there are certain ailments, such as violent dementia, where care is the only safe option.

Kynthia

There are many things to consider and lots of families look into this, so I wonder if Age Concern or Which have any guides on this?

Things that spring to my mind are that your mum's interests and assets need protecting, although it's simpler with no siblings so that you don't need to consider any unfair/unequal inheritance issues. If your mum doesn't have her name on the property or an official loan recorded to you then she's given away her money to you. This is a risk as if you divorce the whole house and gift are considered marital assets to be split, if you die before your mum then who inherits the house and is it guaranteed your mum will be looked after, if you get into financial difficulty and can't afford the mortgage then what, and what if you should become bankrupt then your mum loses everything she gave you? These maybe seem like unlikely risks but they do happen and you shouldn't expose your mum to them if there are protections like her being part owner or having a charge on the property.

So what is the plan if living together doesn't work out? Will you sell and give her back her money even though you may love the house? Will she keep enough money in the bank so she can go on holiday, buy a car, treat herself, etc? What happens if her care needs increase, will you care for her, will she pay for home assistance, or if she goes into a home will you release some of her funds to upgrade her to a nicer place than the council funded one? These things all need discussing so that you both go into this with your eyes open.

suki1964

My parents moved in with us and tbh, worst thing we have ever done

Dad has since died. Mum is still with us. And she's lonely

We have our own lives, our own friends, our own hobbies. I don't particularly want to bring my mother along to join in our social lives

Then there's the fact you no longer can have a private life

An example, me and he had a domestic last night. Next thing I'm hearing of mother is " well what am I going to get to eat? Sooner I'm dead the better"

Just don't do it

You may love and worship the ground she walks on right now. Give it a few years......