I want to stop drowning

debtaghh

Now this is not related to money but I’m after advice. My dd is is in year 11 and never goes out with friends, did quite badly in her mocks, doesn’t show any enthusiasm to find a job now or after her exams. She doesn’t know whether she wants to go to uni. I’m wondering if this is what other 16 year olds are like? Right now I’m feeling quite concerned for her future. Is this my anxiety getting the best of me or am I right to be worried?

debtaghh

Silver_Queen wrote: »

Why are you applying for jobs that you won't be able to do? Surely it would make more sense to save the valuable time wasted on applying for the job to begin with. Well done on the progress you've made so far.

Thanks. I didn’t know the exact hours until I was offered an interview for one and the other one I think I applied out of desperation as there seems to be a shortage of job locally.

enthusiasticsaver

It is a long time since my girls were teenagers so not sure I will be of much use here as I am sure the pressures are different now to 15 years ago when my eldest was 16. She went through phases of being friends with different girls, I think girls can be !!!!!y but she always had a core friend group who she is still friendly with now and she was good at exams and school work. My youngest was very laid back and although struggled a bit more academically she did ok and had no issues with friends. Both could not wait to get out and start earning.

Have you talked to her and asked if everything is ok? Try not to reflect your anxiety on to her. She needs you to be the adult. Is she a bit depressed and finding exam pressure a bit heavy? What does she enjoy doing? Is she a reader or into animals or sporty? I would hesitate to push her towards a levels and university if she struggles academically. How about FE college courses near you with vocational courses?

It is sometimes difficult as children move gradually towards adulthood and I always found a mix of encouragement, lots of communication and support re talking over school or friendship group problems was the best way whilst respecting their privacy. A difficult line to follow and depends on the teenager.

enthusiasticsaver

One thing I do wonder is your daughter knows financially things are difficult doesn't she now as I seem to recall you cancelled the tutor just before Christmas? Maybe she is not going out with friends due to lack of money? Some gentle encouragement re getting a weekend job may be needed and emphasise that any earnings she gets are her own to spend or save as she sees fit. As she is 16 there is no reason why she could not get a job but if she is not a confident 16 year old she may be reluctant to try applying for things.

Silver_Queen

I am 23 so it wasn't too long ago that I was a 16 yo girl, and I remember a similar lack of motivation. I think it is a common thing with teenagers nowadays to lack motivation to do anything. My younger sis has just turned 17 and was exactly the same. I don't think it's something to be overly worried about but perhaps you could tell ask her to get a job so that she at least has some spending money of her own, some more structure and it will look good on her CV.

To be honest, as someone with over £60k of education debt, I think university is overrated anyway so I wouldn't be worried about that if I were you.

debtaghh

To be honest my dd has always had issues with friends. They chop and change all the time. Since being at secondary school the most times she has been out, had friends over would prob be 20 times. If we ever mention friendship she kicks off and gets all defensive.

She is quite clever but very lazy, I think she is finding it all stressful. She has no hobbies or interests. I’m not pushing her to do a levels, she wants to. With regards to uni I have always said it’s up to her but should she now know?

Every time we try and talk about anything she is just rude to us😱

She never went out before and has money from Xmas.

I think the lack of confidence is a massive problem.

Silver_Queen

I suspect your DD may actually be me as a 16 y/o in disguise!

Some gentle encouragement for her to take up a few different (free) hobbies, part time job etc, will probably help a lot. The main thing is to make sure that if she does get a part time job, it doesn't interfere with her studies. I was a very lazy teen myself and once I got my first job, I slacked off on school work to make up for the extra time I spent working. I came out with some pretty poor a-level results which have impacted me ever since.

I think it's perfectly completely 100% normal for her to be unsure about what she wants to do in her future and whether she wants to go to uni. I remember a large proportion of my friends were completely unsure about uni too, and they all made up their minds at the eleventh hour, and they're all fine functional adults now!

debtaghh

Silver_Queen wrote: »

I suspect your DD may actually be me as a 16 y/o in disguise!

Some gentle encouragement for her to take up a few different (free) hobbies, part time job etc, will probably help a lot. The main thing is to make sure that if she does get a part time job, it doesn't interfere with her studies. I was a very lazy teen myself and once I got my first job, I slacked off on school work to make up for the extra time I spent working. I came out with some pretty poor a-level results which have impacted me ever since.

I think it's perfectly completely 100% normal for her to be unsure about what she wants to do in her future and whether she wants to go to uni. I remember a large proportion of my friends were completely unsure about uni too, and they all made up their minds at the eleventh hour, and they're all fine functional adults now!

Thank you so much, I overthink things too much ( one of my issues)

debtaghh

Morning,

I’m still feeling unwell so will probably not go out this weekend which should mean nsds ( I’ve had a few of them this week). I can foresee these next few weeks being costly due to bdays which is a bit annoying as I’ve managed to have a fairly furgal January and turned down meals out, coffee shops etc

[Deleted User]

Hope you feel better soon xx