Advice please re sister's daughter.

maman

ThinkPink wrote: »

In my opinion your sister doesn't need to loan her daughter any money or cover her rent, your niece has made arrangements herself which both her boyfriend and his mother are agreeable to and I think going against that isn't letting her be an independent adult.

If your sister wants to do something nice though why doesn't she invite everyone around for dinner, a bbq would be perfect at the moment.

Or save up her money and buy a practical 'house-warming' gift when the couple move in together.


P.S. If they have aspirations to buy somewhere together in the future, they might be better off staying with his mum (as she has the room) and saving a deposit rather than setting up in rented accommodation just because they can.


PPS. I'm assuming names have been changed to protect the innocent!

balletshoes

Loanranger wrote: »

No, the lady said she didn't need any board this month.

I agree with this, Sarah sounds like she has it covered, its no longer her parents responsibility to step in. Sarah's working now, and well done her.

onlyroz

Seriously, she's being put up "for free" for at most a month. If I was Jack's mum I would be perfectly happy to cover this if I knew that Sarah was in full-time employment and was due a pay packet at the end of August. Sarah's mum should butt out and let her daughter get on with being an adult.

AylesburyDuck

Sarah is an adult now, Chrissie needs to learn to treat her as such and let her organise her own life and affairs.
It's hard i know, this letting go lark, the worry wont go entirely but it does get better.
If she truely does have any problems (real problems and not motherly imagined ones) she will ask!

enthusiasticsaver

I agree with the above. Sarah is not a child any more and has obviously told Jack's mum when she will get her first pay packet so has dealt with it. Your sister can let her daughter know she is happy to help out if needed but if she says it is under control I think it undermines her if Chrissie goes to direct to Jacks mum.

fierystormcloud

Thanks for your responses. It's interesting that every last one is saying not to offer any money to Jack's mother, and to basically leave it to Jack and Sarah, and Jack's mother to sort it between them.

All my sister was thinking is 'I wonder if I should be offering money to this woman for looking after my daughter for a month for free?' Even though her daughter is 21, I think it's perfectly understandable that she thought this way. I think many people would.

Like I said though, Jack's mother said that Sarah isn't costing her much extra by being there, and the 'board money' she gets off Sarah (when she does get paid) will more than compensate for the month of having nothing off her for a month.

Sarah's new job is quite well paid, and so once she gets her pay, she will easily be able to pay Jack his £150 back, and also pay out a full month's board to his mother.

I shall pass on what's been said on here.

Thanks again.

p.s. No, these aren't their real names.

TBagpuss

I see that you are already going to feed back to your sister but just posting to say that i agree with the previous posters. 'Sarah' is an adult -it isn't appropriate for her mother to meddle, unasked, in her affairs.

I'd add that 'Chrissie' presumably knows about her daughter's financial position because Sarah shared this information with her, but unless Sarah explicitly gave her permission to discuss Sarah's financial and personal situation she should not be discussing it with you, or with Jack's mum.

If Chrissie is worried about Sarah not being able to pay rent, and is wiling to give Jack's mum money, why on earth would she not offer to give or lend the money directly to Sarah? Going behind Sarah's back to Jack's mother sends a very strong message that she doesn't trust or respect Sarah.

Chrissie needs to sit on her hands and recognise that her daughter is an adult, not a child, and that for her to interfere is very disrespectful to Sarah.

It may be that Sarah is not great at managing money - if that's so, then the worst thing her parents can do is constantly bail her out, and prevent her from learning to manage better. If they want to help out, then they could offer to lend her money with a set arrangement for repayment.

Mojisola

fierystormcloud wrote: »

It's interesting that every last one is saying not to offer any money to Jack's mother, and to basically leave it to Jack and Sarah, and Jack's mother to sort it between them.

All my sister was thinking is 'I wonder if I should be offering money to this woman for looking after my daughter for a month for free?' Even though her daughter is 21, I think it's perfectly understandable that she thought this way. I think many people would.

Perhaps not, judging by the replies on here.

rach_k

I agree with everybody else, but as a mum I would probably question whether I should offer something - just briefly! I would probably settle for sending a family-sized cake or something to be shared by the household and, if we met at any point, a sincere thank you for being kind to my daughter.

74jax

I'm a mum too. I wouldn't offer anything. Daughter is an adult and should deal with these things herself.