Advice please re sister's daughter.

fierystormcloud

Just a little advice if poss please.

OK, so my sister Chrissie's daughter (Sarah) just left uni, (2 weeks ago,) with a good grade in her degree and she is very happy. However, Chrissie and her husband live in the sticks in a tiny cottage 5 miles from an A road, no public transport, small market town 10 miles away, very little life there, few opportunities, closest shop is about 3 miles, and there are few jobs in the little market town anyway. It's a stunning place to live, near woodlands, mountains, river, canal, sea not too far away, but nothing for youngsters. Sarah isn't keen on it. There's nothing for her there, and she can't drive, so is trapped in.

Sarah has been dating Jack for 18 months - they met through mutual friends in early 2015, and he lives in a big town 25-30 miles from her and my sister and husband. The Solicitors that Jack's sister works for had a vacancy come up suddenly, when someone left. She got Sarah an interview, and they offered her the job on the spot (it started last week.)

Jack told Sarah she can live with him and his mother (his sister and brother have already left home, and she is divorced from his dad, so it's just the 2 of them in a 4 bed house.) They live in this big town near the town centre, and the solicitors is only 20 minutes walk from their house. Also Sarah has a few friends there. She prefers living there actually, and finds it super boring in the sticks! So after just 10 days of living back at home in the sticks, she moved in with Jack and his mother. My sister and her husband don't mind, as long as Sarah's happy.

Well, Sarah missed the cut off point for this month's wage, and won't get any money til 27th August. She has run out of her uni loan and grant, and was just going to live rent free with my my sister Chrissie and her husband until she got a job.

Chrissie asked her if she needed any money the other day, and she said 'no because Jack has lent me £150 to last me til I get paid, just for general bits and bobs. I will give it back to him when I get paid. I'll be OK, as his mother is happy to have no board money off me til late August because she knows I don't get paid til then.' My sister and her husband have given her around £500 this academic year - £50 here, £60 there, a few £80 handouts, a few more £70 and £90 handouts, because Sarah kept running out of money. My sister didn't mind, but because of this, Sarah didn't like to ask for anything else.

Thing is now, is that Chrissie now wonders if she should be offering Jack's mother something for the next month for Sarah's 'keep.' As I said, Sarah said she will start giving his mother money for her keep from the end of August, but is giving her nothing for a month because she hasn't got anything, except the bit of money Jack has lent her.

Jack's mother has said it's OK for Sarah to not give her anything for a month, especially as Sarah being there isn't really costing her much extra; just the odd bit of extra food, and a tiny bit for the electric (with her laptop on an hour or so a day, and her phone charging every other day,) but Chrissie feels bad about it. After all, Sarah is her daughter.

So do you think she should offer Jack's mother some money towards Sarah's keep? After all, if Sarah was living at home, they would be forking out for extra electric and extra food, and extra money for petrol for running her around.

What do you think? If you were my sister, would you offer something to Jack's mother?

Thank you.

Edited to say, Sarah living with Jack and his mother will be for about 8 months to a year, then they will move in together...

Loanranger

No, the lady said she didn't need any board this month.

pickledonionspaceraider

No

Sarah is an adult now. Leave it be. If your sister insists on getting involved, it will undermine Sarah, and the financial plans she has. Your sister is well over reacting and overthinking the life of another adult

Marvel1

Sarah is now an adult and has moved out, she needs to be independent.

Savvy_Sue

No, but ... if Sarah has always been bailed out by mum and dad and as a result isn't very good at managing her money, and has now borrowed £150 from Jack and isn't paying Jack's mum anything yet, I think a friendly aunty might send a copy of one of Martin's books, possibly 'Coping with Cash'.

and as a general point, if you've missed the cutoff for payroll, it's always worth asking if it's possible to have an advance.

and as another general point, and I don't know how you communicate this one, while you may get away with 'borrowing' money from your parents without ever paying it back, constantly borrowing from and freeloading off your friends tends to lose you friends.

kingrulzuk

Sarah is an adult now so she needs to be independent and let her make up her own mind

Detroit

Completely agree with all the above. There is no reason your sister should do this.

That said, I can see what she means! I would prefer to think my children were paying their way.

Whatever Jack's mom says, she shouldn't have to keep Sarah, who she appears to have known for a comparatively short time. She may be a generous woman, or may be doing it to please Jack, either way, it's not really right.

I think in your sister's position I'd offer Sarah a loan to tide her over until she is paid, with proper repayment terms to help Sarah learn to manage money.

FBaby

Sarah is embarking into adult life and so far seemed to be doing well at it. She doesn't need her mother to make decisions for her any longer. She has communicated with Jack and his mum as she should have and worked things out. Her mum needs to butt out from these discussions which have nothing to do with her.

kazwookie

No, Sarah should ask pay roll at her work place for a loan against the next months money.

[Deleted User]

I started new job on the 11th of this month too, so only week before Sarah. I had missed payroll cut off (why on earth companies start people knowingly in this fashion I've no idea) with pay day to this coming week, for a first in 15+ years of employment I am pleased to say I have actually got an wage sub/release coming to me this week when payday is suppose to be as no way now would I work 6 odd weeks without any money. So it can be done!

Suppose thankfully I suspected and just managed to pull that right face when HR came to see me to inform of the bad news. I would make this the employers problem.

ThinkPink

In my opinion your sister doesn't need to loan her daughter any money or cover her rent, your niece has made arrangements herself which both her boyfriend and his mother are agreeable to and I think going against that isn't letting her be an independent adult.

If your sister wants to do something nice though why doesn't she invite everyone around for dinner, a bbq would be perfect at the moment.