Organising a Funeral Help!

Make-it-3

Like many, haven't done this before and under pressure by other family to get arrangements in place. The only decision that has been made so far is for a cremation.

On brief googling, it seems the bulk of the charges are made up by Funeral Directors fees. So given that its basically organising an event I reckon I can just get on and do it myself.

However, the only info I can find on DIY is pretty extreme stuff, and I'm not looking to whield my own shovel!

I basically want to find out if I can hire someone who will collect and prepare the body, put it in the coffin and bring it to the crematorium and I will pick up all the other arrangements.

Is this possible? If so, what services am I looking for?

DigForVictory

Phone a funeral director & say Exactly That & ask for a quote.
Then ring several others.
Shopping for a quote is tough in the middle of a bereaved household, but the deceased is (I presume) in a hospital morgue & can wait a day or two.

The Natural Death Centre has a helpful website, and the link will take you straight to how to arrange a funeral.

Many folk on being told of a death will ask immediately "when's the funeral?" & are getting better at accepting "we're trying to sort a crematorium slot - we'll let you know". When you do, you may hear "is there anything I can do" - Have A List Ready!

It need not be huge - bring a home made cake or casserole around, drop these three bags off at this charity shop please, mow the lawn - the machine is in the shed, or it could be help me complete this paperwork as it's all new.

Some jobs you can't farm out - going through papers, clothes, possessions because the Executors as well as family need to know it's done and done right. Others, like sorting transport for fragile relatives, can and should be delegated to the willing.

Keep notes. A handful of visiting card sized pieces of card & a pen, so you can jot down who has said they'll do what and update the masterplan later. So you know who sent flowers, and which dish had the bean casserole, so you can get the thank you letters later right.

Me, I'm a solid advocate of taking up internet grocery shopping at this time so you do not have to be in public if you aren't certain you can stand it. So you can arrange for the simple bare necessities to arrive without fuss & there is nothing wrong with asking for a pizza delivery to a house in mourning. The living still need to eat.

One amazing mum I know dropped off her children at school, brought the MPV to the house, loaded all five shocked remaining family members aboard & took them up onto the hills for a walk & a picnic. Then returned them to their house & went & collected her children. Fresh air & exercise, out of area so not recognised or additionally stressed; it was hugely appreciated.

Finally, be guided but not controlled by any stated last wishes regarding the funeral. It is not for the deceased, after all, but for the family. Give everyone a chance to say what they'd like to see or say or hear to remember the day with love?

Condolences on your loss, and do not let the Funeral Directors set the pace. If it takes two meetings, one to discuss possibilities (and prices) & one to tell them what you've agreed as a family, so be it.

May it be a day you can look back on with love.

Mojisola

Make-it-3 wrote: »

I basically want to find out if I can hire someone who will collect and prepare the body, put it in the coffin and bring it to the crematorium and I will pick up all the other arrangements.

Isn't that what a funeral director does?

Think through what's involved with handling and keeping a body - it's not something an unqualified person can do out of a shed in the garden.

Make-it-3

Thank you for your replies, sorry if I sounded really ignorant.

Mojisola, what I meant was that's the only bit I can't do myself!

But I don't feel its necessary to pay for all the consultation time, having them guide me through the rest of the organisation and them selling in their particular coffin range, florist, etc (which I bet they get a mark up on too).

From what I've been reading Funeral Directors prey on the vunerable and try to sell "the whole package".

At the moment I am preparing a list of questions about the funeral and then will work through it with my family to agree what we want. I'm happy to do the legwork as it "keeps me focussed".

I shall just be firm when I contact the Funeral Directors.

DigforVictory - thanks for all the extra tips, I will bear these in mind. I know there will be more to do post-funeral but one step at a time.

TBagpuss

You can chose not to have a package but to pick out what you want. For instance,and my grandmother's funeral we didn't have most of the extras - we had a cardboard coffin, no extra cars from the funeral home, no flowers organised by them etc.

HB58

I'm sorry for your loss.

You sound as if you have a good idea of what kind of thing you want. Don't let yourself be manipulated into believing that doing things your way shows any lack of respect or love for the deceased. If necessary, fib a bit and say that they specifically wanted things this way!

Mojisola

HB58 wrote: »

Don't let yourself be manipulated into believing that doing things your way shows any lack of respect or love for the deceased.

I wouldn't do business with a FD who tried to guilt-trip me!

We used a local FD and were very happy with their service. They certainly didn't put any pressure on us to upgrade anything or try to take over the parts we decided to do ourselves.

Robin9

Please listen to the FD - it's these occasions where you need to hand over everything to the professionals .

If you say you only want a hearse, no flowers - you won't get pressured.

Brighton_belle

I was at a funeral directors today arranging my fathers funeral. They were kind, compassionate,decent, and totally non pressurising. There are parts we are arranging ourselves and they were completely supportive of that. A complete opposite of the type of experience you are expecting. So you may be pleasantly surprised if you booked to see one, or just chatted on the phone and discussed your needs.
Wishing you well at a difficult time.

SevenOfNine

Make-it-3 wrote: »

I basically want to find out if I can hire someone who will collect and prepare the body, put it in the coffin and bring it to the crematorium and I will pick up all the other arrangements.

Our FD wasn't manipulative & didn't use any form of 'hard sell'. Their costs for what you've said above was about £1100. We bumped up the cost further all by ourselves by requesting other things you can easily do without eg mourners limo.

They raised a few things to make sure I had thought about them (minister, obituary, crem music, flowers or charitable donation), but DID NOT try to flog me their services for any of it - just making sure I knew what we may/may not want to have so it wouldn't be overlooked. No pressure whatsoever. At a time when your emotions are getting in the way of proper lucid thought processes we found this very helpful.

I think FD's can look more expensive than they actually are because their costs include things you cannot avoid, which they pay on your behalf & then add it to their invoice. These are crematorium (Council) cost of £850 plus there is £200 'Doctors fee'.

I imagine costs for the basics will vary depending on where you live though.

Condolences on your loss.

brewerdave

When we visited the FD to organise my mother's funeral,we found them to be very understanding and helpful - as per other posters, the costs were bumped up by our choices under no pressure from them eg a wicker coffin,cars for the crematorium and to the service, the use of the local Abbey for the service.The "basics" came to ~ £1500.
We organised the flowers and the after service catering -again ,no pressure from the Funeral Directors.