Fair charge for rent for adult living with parent?

Debicj

Hi all, I wondered if you could give me some unbiased feedback that may help to settle a family argument about the rent that I expect my 22 year old daughter to pay me.

I want £50 per week which I think is fair as the total cost of running the house (including bills and food) is £800 per month. I don't charge my son as he is 18 and still at college. I think that if I pay half and they each pay a quarter of the total cost, that's fair. (Obviously I contribute my son's share at the moment).

Also, bear in mind that my daughter was living independently for 18 months but decided to move back in with me as it was too expensive to run her own house! She is not working at the moment and I know money is tight for her, but I also see no reason why she cannot do any job for the time being, instead of waiting for something she wants to do. Don't get me wrong, she's not a layabout and has worked since leaving college 5 years ago and I know she will at some point get a good job. She's only been looking for a couple of weeks. When she does get a job £50 is likely to be around a fifth of her take home pay, still leaving her £200 per week for herself which is a lot more than I am left with!

However, this is causing arguments in our family as my daughter is not happy with the amount and my mum says I'm being unreasonable and should 'let her off' at least until she gets a job. I pointed out to my mum that I would be happy to move in with her and pay less than £50 per week but she didn't like that idea!

My point is that I have lived independently since the age of 17 and that even though I am about to be made redundant, bills still have to be paid and I won't 'be let off' until I find another job. Before I lose my job, to build up some savings, I am also doing extra work alongside my usual job, that is not what I want to do but view it as worthwhile as it pays those bills! I will have to continue with this extra work and take on more once I am made redundant.

I really think £50 a week is fair as this includes everything, food, bills, the odd takeaway/meal out, I do all the washing, cleaning and housework, plus give her lifts in my car at least a couple of times a week. I don't begrudge all this, but at the same time, see us as equal adults and don't see why I should work more hours to pay for her share.

OK rant over, let's have some comments! Thanks.

sweetilemon

There's quite often posts on this subject. Sounds like you've chosen an amount you feel is fair in comparison to the household budget. It doesn't sound unreasonable and gives an incentive to work if the amount stays the same.

What does your daughter deem resonable? Is she maybe in debt from moving out? Or is it a jealous thing because her brother is getting free rent?

Debicj

My daughter is hoping she can get away with it if she moans enough. She tells me that she can flatshare for same price. What she won't admit is that the cost of bills and food on top of the rent is also an expense. She is well aware that it costs a lot to live, as she moved out before. I just think she was expecting me be lenient when she moved back in. She's not in debt and always finds money to go out and spend on things she wants to. I think being an adult with adult expenses is not going down too well. It hasn't helped that until recently, I was better off than I am and could afford to splash the cash a bit more. Unfortunately both my son and daughter are used to a certain standard of living being provided by Mum and don't like it now I'm cutting back.

Mupette

I think its very fair and would suggest to daughter to fine that flat share for that price and try it.

Like you said she's trying it on.

nearlyrich

You need to get your grown up children (both of them) to do their share of housework and cooking etc or they could be with you forever... and if your mum thinks you are unreasonable perhaps she could house and feed your daughter instead?

Andypandyboy

Where will the money come from for her to pay you until she gets a job?

elsien

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Where will the money come from for her to pay you until she gets a job?

JSA? Which at £73 pw would still leave her over £20 pw for herself, which is far more than I had when I was running a house and signing on.
OP. I was paying £40 pw 25 years ago and thought I was on a good deal. And I did half the household jobs. Your sums seem very reasonable to me.

Debicj

My daughter has savings to cover the next two months and I expect she will get a job before then. I think she is begrudging spending savings on necessities rather than going out enjoying herself.

Savvy_Sue

It's nothing to do with your mother. If she wants your DD to move in with her, then tell her she's welcome, and she can charge your DD what she likes.

You could, if you wanted to, negotiate with your DD. Basic rent is £50, you can reduce that by doing x, y, z - try to make that bigger things than the day to day household tasks which IMO all adults should help out with anyway! I'm thinking gardening / grass cutting / decorating / serious cleaning.

But £50 is more than generous.

And I wouldn't argue about it. Change the subject, walk away, make the point once that that's the offer. And while you may listen to reasonable grounds for reducing it, not wanting to pay it before she gets a job is not a reasonable ground.

Think back to when your children were younger: did you ever have the 'everyone else's parents ...' argument? Wonderful. I'm not everyone else's parent, I'm yours, and I say ...

Did she make the mistake of not asking what you'd charge before she decided to come home again?

Debicj

Thanks for all the comments. It's put my mind at rest and stopped me thinking I was some money grabbing ogre!

I will just ignore any comments made about the subject now. My daughter was well aware of what I wanted before she moved in a couple of months ago and was OK with the arrangement until this week when my mum started to back her up. Hopefully they will both realise I am sticking to my guns on this and stop moaning soon.

Savvy_Sue

I don't know how well you normally get on with your mother or DD, but you might want to start practising the cracked record / change the subject routine.

"Yes, Mum, I know you think I'm being unfair on DD. Isn't it lovely weather today, shall we have our coffee in the garden?"

"Yes, DD, I know grandma thinks I'm being mean. Could you pop out for some milk before you go out tonight?"

And so on...

I just feel SO grateful that I haven't had this from mine. When I asked DS1 where he was planning to live post Uni, he said "I was wondering about coming home." "Lovely darling, love to have you, but you know you'll have to pay some rent because if I don't make you do it I'll never get a penny from DS3." "Oh yes, of course, how much would you like?"

He stayed a few months, DS2 only a few weeks post-Uni, but we had DS1 for the first couple of months of his Uni course, and I explained that his loan was NOT just going-out-drinking-money but also to cover the minimal rent I was going to charge him! Not an issue, he'd seen the older two do it and knew there was a choice ...