Child Maintenance

pollyanna24

martinbuckley wrote: »

I would imagine that your kids wouldn't be the only ones missing out if the trips cost that sort of money.

It was just an example. Reduce the cost to £500, or even £300. Still a lot of money, more than what I receive in child maintenance.

pollyanna24

Guest101 wrote: »

Assuming the worst. If he sets up as a company, he can just pay minimum wage and the rest go through the company books.

Okay, so he probably gives me more than he would if he was on minimum wage. But I still have no clue as to how much he does actually earn. I'm guessing he does okay from what I see him wearing and where he goes on holiday though.

Guest101

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Okay, so he probably gives me more than he would if he was on minimum wage. But I still have no clue as to how much he does actually earn. I'm guessing he does okay from what I see him wearing and where he goes on holiday though.

Probably, but (as previously mentioned) the system is flawed.


He's self employed. Sets up X Y Ltd. Everything goes through that. He takes £7:20 an hour and declared 16 hours per week.


Legally he earns that. The company earns the rest.

gonzo127

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Okay, so he probably gives me more than he would if he was on minimum wage. But I still have no clue as to how much he does actually earn. I'm guessing he does okay from what I see him wearing and where he goes on holiday though.

obviously you see more than us, but try not to assume, my ex whole heartily believes i do not pay her enough child maintenance, because i have a few nice things, i go out, and i also take my daughter out places when i have her, however that is because i am seriously tight with my money when it goes on other things, such like i will always look for things second hand to save money if i can, whereas she will never have second hand, etc etc so we have very different outlooks.

as it turns out i currently pay her over 20% more than the CSA amount, because i want my daughter to be as supported as i can make her

pollyanna24

gonzo127 wrote: »

obviously you see more than us, but try not to assume, my ex whole heartily believes i do not pay her enough child maintenance, because i have a few nice things, i go out, and i also take my daughter out places when i have her, however that is because i am seriously tight with my money when it goes on other things, such like i will always look for things second hand to save money if i can, whereas she will never have second hand, etc etc so we have very different outlooks.

as it turns out i currently pay her over 20% more than the CSA amount, because i want my daughter to be as supported as i can make her

I get all this and I have no wish to know how much he earns etc. as what he gives me, I can live with. It's just for the one off expenses that I wouldn't want to deny my children, but that I feel I can't/shouldn't say no to (generally connected to school trips).

If I hadn't been taken my children abroad myself this year and forgot or couldn't afford to renew the youngest's passport, I'm sure he'd have had something to say about it when he couldn't take the children to his mum's abroad.

mermaid85

I am in a similar situation, agreement is between myself and ex. Last year, for the first time, I asked for him to contribute to a £400 school trip - she has done other residentials that I have just forked out for, but as things were tight I figured it was worth an ask. He did have a brief paddy about already paying maintenence, as expected lol but then agreed to pay £100. So I would say it's worth asking as long as the worst scenario is he says no.

maman

maman wrote: »

Although a little OT, from the little you say fosterdog, it seems that there's a certain amount of manipulation going on by picking and choosing which activities your OH is prepared to fund and support which may not be in the children's best interests.

Fosterdog wrote: »

Why do you automatically assume that he is being manipulative and that their mother has their best interests in mind but he doesn't? He loves his children more than anything in this world, he wants what is best for them. He no Disney dad giving in and just trying to please them he takes a genuine interest in their lives and encourages their passions and interests.

Now that you've said a little more I can see that your DH is supporting activities that most people would consider worthwhile.


That being said, he's also using his financial clout to try to insist they get involved in the church as little as possible and that their mother isn't allowed to push them towards any sports they don't fancy. It would seem he has the children's 100% backing in this so you can see why I might say there's a certain amount of manipulation going on here.


I don't necessarily disagree with what he's doing (he's paying the piper after all). The purpose of my post was just to demonstrate to OP and others that the payments can come with strings attached.

TBagpuss

Guest101 wrote: »

Probably, but (as previously mentioned) the system is flawed.


He's self employed. Sets up X Y Ltd. Everything goes through that. He takes £7:20 an hour and declared 16 hours per week.


Legally he earns that. The company earns the rest.

That loophole has now been closed, Maintenance is now based on total gross income which includes dividends, not just salary.

But you are right that the system is flawed - it is based solely on what the paying party earns, not on the cost of raising a child.

OP, I think it is fine for you to ask your ex -he isn't legally required to pay anything over and above the CMOS assessment, but asking whether he is willing to contribute to additional expenses is fine.

I'd recommend that you give him as much notice as you can of any proposed expense.

Detroit

You sound very fair and reasonable. It's nice to hear people satisfied with what they have.

I think I'd approach this when it arises by having a conversation with him to the effect of:

'theres the opportunity for X to go on a trip to Y. It's expensive, £???, how do you feel about her going, and would you be able to pay towards it? I know you pay for the day to day, but this is a big extra expense. What do you think?'

If you genuinely can't afford it without his contribution, I'd say so, as it's fair he has the opportunity to fund it if he wishes. But be careful it doesn't sound like emotional blackmail.

Be fair and be honest. He can only say no.

Person_one

TBagpuss wrote: »

But you are right that the system is flawed - it is based solely on what the paying party earns, not on the cost of raising a child.

How is that flawed? Raising a child doesn't have a 'set' cost, different families spend different amounts on different things, based on what they have coming on.