Child Maintenance

burlington6

Fosterdog wrote: »

Why do you automatically assume that he is being manipulative and that their mother has their best interests in mind but he doesn't? He loves his children more than anything in this world, he wants what is best for them. He no Disney dad giving in and just trying to please them he takes a genuine interest in their lives and encourages their passions and interests.

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Unfortunately, we live in a society where the female is automatically seen as the better parent

Guest101

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Thank you. Hopefully the expensive trips won't be happening for a few years yet. But I have just asked for half a passport cost as he does take them out of the country.

He lives in a three bed with his girlfriend who has her own kids and my two just bunk in with her children. I am not sure of his financial circumstances, but I do believe him to be better off than me from his frequent trips abroad, but again, that's by the by. I wouldn't necessarily expect him to have a spare room for children that only spend 4 nights a month there regardless of how money is spare.

Sorry - I thought he had a 1 bed. His liability is slightly reduced (legally) due to the children in the household, so worth bearing in mind that the official guidance suggests a reduced amount than him as a single person.


I misunderstood the situation

pollyanna24

Guest101 wrote: »

Sorry - I thought he had a 1 bed. His liability is slightly reduced (legally) due to the children in the household, so worth bearing in mind that the official guidance suggests a reduced amount than him as a single person.


I misunderstood the situation

I understand all that. I'm not really looking into the legal side of it.

Just wondered what other people's views were on expensive school trips that the children might be able to go on if my ex was willing to go halves with me, but that they might have to miss out on if he's not willing to do that.

If a school trip is £1,000 (for example), am I really expected to fund this all by myself with no contribution from him (I get it if it's something he wouldn't want them going on)?

Guest101

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I understand all that. I'm not really looking into the legal side of it.

Just wondered what other people's views were on expensive school trips that the children might be able to go on if my ex was willing to go halves with me, but that they might have to miss out on if he's not willing to do that.

If a school trip is £1,000 (for example), am I really expected to fund this all by myself with no contribution from him (I get it if it's something he wouldn't want them going on)?

No I appreciate that. I just mean that the official guidance suggests he pays less, so if he doesn't already it's probably a bit of a 'bonus' towards the extra stuff.


I think there's no right or wrong answer.


If he said yes, he would be a good dad, but if he said no, that wouldn't make him a bad one.


With that said, I think I would pay towards most trips of this nature.

White-as-Snow

I know it was only an example but I personally wouldn't be paying £1000 for a school trip regardless if it was for the children of me and OH or OH and ex so I'm not sure how it would work if OH was asked to pay for something like that.

We have paid half of some extra things such as flight tickets/school uniforms/clubs etc but I don't think not paying would have made OH a bad person if he had his reasons.

Ask him if he will contribute? There's only 2 answers he could give you. If it's yes then happy days and if it's not then you are not in any worse position than you are now.

I understand you are happy with the maintenance you receive but how does it stack up against what he should be paying by the maintenance calculator? If it is less would he up the payments so that you have enough to pay for the trips etc on your own with the extra?

DUTR

burlington6 wrote: »

Be careful.

A friend of ours had a private agreement with her ex.

She thought he should contribute more in a few areas. He thought he was paying enough.

She took him through the various agencies/court and ended up receiving less

That is/was a similar situation to mine, the child's Mum was tapping for more here and there, I was already aware of what my CSA liability would be (and that it was much less than I was contributing at the time).

pollyanna24

White-as-Snow wrote: »

I know it was only an example but I personally wouldn't be paying £1000 for a school trip regardless if it was for the children of me and OH or OH and ex so I'm not sure how it would work if OH was asked to pay for something like that.

We have paid half of some extra things such as flight tickets/school uniforms/clubs etc but I don't think not paying would have made OH a bad person if he had his reasons.

Ask him if he will contribute? There's only 2 answers he could give you. If it's yes then happy days and if it's not then you are not in any worse position than you are now.

I understand you are happy with the maintenance you receive but how does it stack up against what he should be paying by the maintenance calculator? If it is less would he up the payments so that you have enough to pay for the trips etc on your own with the extra?

Thanks for your reply. How can I possibly know if it stacks up? He doesn't tell me how much he is earning and isn't this the main factor in how much he should contribute?

DUTR

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I understand all that. I'm not really looking into the legal side of it.

Just wondered what other people's views were on expensive school trips that the children might be able to go on if my ex was willing to go halves with me, but that they might have to miss out on if he's not willing to do that.

If a school trip is £1,000 (for example), am I really expected to fund this all by myself with no contribution from him (I get it if it's something he wouldn't want them going on)?

My DD was due to go on a trip with a club to Florida, that's all good but it was over £3k per head, my friend takes his whole family there for little more than that. Sometimes the school and after club trips are well over priced as I'm sure some of the cost covers the carers trip.

martinbuckley

pollyanna24 wrote: »

If a school trip is £1,000 (for example), am I really expected to fund this all by myself with no contribution from him (I get it if it's something he wouldn't want them going on)?

I would imagine that your kids wouldn't be the only ones missing out if the trips cost that sort of money.

Guest101

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. How can I possibly know if it stacks up? He doesn't tell me how much he is earning and isn't this the main factor in how much he should contribute?

Assuming the worst. If he sets up as a company, he can just pay minimum wage and the rest go through the company books.