Infant feeding advice

Beans27

Hi all wondering if any parents here have any tips.

My little chap is 12 weeks old now, he is breast fed with a bottle of formula last thing (about 9:30) - this seems to sufficiently fill him up so that we can sneak him into the cot (currently next to our bed) and he will sleep for about 3 hours.

When he wakes up, he comes in the bed and lies on me to breast feed - I admit, I let him just feed and I fall back asleep, wake up when he starts faffing around and swap him over. Wasn't planning to co sleep (I have read about the dangers, keep the duvet away from him, neither of us are drinkers smokers etc) but I really struggle to get him back in the cot after he has had a feed on me - even if he seems to be asleep he wakes up as soon as I put him in....

wondering if there is anything I can do differently to get him in his own bed, part of me thinks well he's still very little, he is obviously going to get bigger and less needy - part of me thinks I don't want to end up with an 18 month old kid in the bed every night!!!

Any tips? The only thing that seems to work is put him in, me crouch over for a feed then quickly switch for a dummy - but it's not always reliable and it kills my back!!

Beckyy

I'm reading up a little bit on these types of things lately as we have a baby on the way. Could it be that his cot gets cold (in comparison to being on you) while he is out of it. Maybe lying with his blanket under you while he's feeding to keep it warm and smelling of you so when you put him back in it's more comforting that going from warm Mum to cooler cot?

glentoran99

you need to teach him to fall asleep on his own, with my two (now 3 & 1) it was a matter of leaving them to settle, obviously if they are getting distraught you lift them but when they settle put them straight back down, bit of perseverance pays off

sweetilemon

Hi Beans, my little one was the same. Her moses basket was a little further away from our bed (so I could use the sensor mat) and I said to my OH if I got her out of hospital I would buy one of the co-sleeping beds so I could reach over and comfort her in the night like I could in the ward. Anyway, only had her home 3 weeks but one of the 'tricks' I found was playing her euan dream sheep when she lay on me, moving it to ontop of her in her moses basket and when she hadn't woken up moving it to beside her basket. She loved sleeping on me and hated being in her moses basket. She would do the same - wake up as soon as I put her down. I wouldn't sleep with her in my arms and was too scared to co-sleep. Her last few days we co-slept and it was lovely having her right there. Good luck.

msb5262

Hello Beans,
Congratulations on your baby - I can imagine it seems as if he's really growing up already, but 12 weeks is a blink of the eye...you don't need to worry that anything you do now will necessarily continue until he is 18 months or older!
Read up a bit on co-sleeping and see what you want to do.
I didn't go that route. I used to get up and breastfeed in a chair by the baby's crib with no. 1, which worked ok especially if I moved very, very slowly when putting him back in bed - for instance leaving my hands underneath him for at least 3 minutes when he was in the crib. With numbers 2 and 3, I used to feed them in my own bed, then return them to the crib beside the bed by the same method. If you wrap the baby before he falls asleep, and perhaps warm another blanket by keeping it on your legs or under the covers the temperature difference is less likely to wake him when you put him in bed. Anyway best of luck and don't worry, you will find your way!
MsB x

Kaye1

You will get lots of conflicting advice- and it can be confusing! I can only tell you what we did.

I always felt that having the baby away from me was not the right thing to do. There is lots of information about co-sleeping on American websites- they seemed to be happy to be more balanced in their discussion; whereas here it seems to be a blanket NO to co-sleeping. When we came home, we showed the midwife the set up and after discussing the no-drinking rule (we don't smoke) and ensuring baby did not over-heat, she was happy with the situation.

So we had one of the co-sleeping cots- with the three sides. I would breast feed at night, then lie her down next to me and slide her about 10 inches across into the cot. I then kept my hand on her until she settled. I had a blanket thing which I had worn under my t shirt for the day, so it smelt like me, which I also put in the cot. (This was a suggestion from the Special Care unit- apparently they like our smell!)

In my opinion (which won't be the same at others!) expecting them to put themselves to sleep at 12 weeks is a bit early. One friendly proudly told me that she waited until 6 weeks then put the baby in her own room and after the third night of crying, the baby stopped 'making all that noise' and went to sleep. To me, the thought of a young baby being shut in a room on their own was not right. However, other people will swear by it.

As she got a little older, we put the sides on the cot and moved it further away from the bed- so she could still hear us and I could pick her up easily at night.

We moved her into her own room at about 9 months- with surprisingly few problems. (Delayed because a chunk of plaster fell down when we re-decorating!) We left the door open and I think she was comforted by the sound of Daddy snoring!

She's a toddler now and sleeps right through. We tried to do the whole thing 'gently' rather than sticking to rules from a book.

And don't forget to factor in each child will be different- my eldest becomes hysterical if it is too dark, the other one doesn't care. The oldest has music to sleep to, the youngest hates it and insists on silence.

I wish you all the very best- it certainly is a tricky problem.

pigpen

sounds like a perfectly normal situation to me.. other than the formula I do exactly the same with my baby too.. and the previous 11.. they start sleeping through eventually and I just think as little disruption during sleep time is better for me, OH, the baby and whoever else is sleeping in our room.. rather than trying to force a baby who has spent the majority of their life inside you, being cuddled, fed , rocked by you, they need to be that close to feel safe and settled.

Just do what works for you and if that is co-sleeping then so e it, it isnt forever and they are little for such a very short time, embrace it.

Mine were about 6 months when they slept the whole night in their cot.. usually.. my 4 y/o is yet to sleep through and my 2 year old has started coming in for cuddles .. but it will stop again.

For the first 3 weeks I didn't even put the baby in the basket she just came straight in our bed because I couldn't get up and down to get her and OH needs to sleep too. she was in with me in hospital too.. noone to move her back and forth from the cot.

sweetilemon

Kaye1 wrote: »

You will get lots of conflicting advice- and it can be confusing! I can only tell you what we did.

I always felt that having the baby away from me was not the right thing to do. There is lots of information about co-sleeping on American websites- they seemed to be happy to be more balanced in their discussion; whereas here it seems to be a blanket NO to co-sleeping. When we came home, we showed the midwife the set up and after discussing the no-drinking rule (we don't smoke) and ensuring baby did not over-heat, she was happy with the situation.

So we had one of the co-sleeping cots- with the three sides. I would breast feed at night, then lie her down next to me and slide her about 10 inches across into the cot. I then kept my hand on her until she settled. I had a blanket thing which I had worn under my t shirt for the day, so it smelt like me, which I also put in the cot. (This was a suggestion from the Special Care unit- apparently they like our smell!)

In my opinion (which won't be the same at others!) expecting them to put themselves to sleep at 12 weeks is a bit early. One friendly proudly told me that she waited until 6 weeks then put the baby in her own room and after the third night of crying, the baby stopped 'making all that noise' and went to sleep. To me, the thought of a young baby being shut in a room on their own was not right. However, other people will swear by it.

As she got a little older, we put the sides on the cot and moved it further away from the bed- so she could still hear us and I could pick her up easily at night.

We moved her into her own room at about 9 months- with surprisingly few problems. (Delayed because a chunk of plaster fell down when we re-decorating!) We left the door open and I think she was comforted by the sound of Daddy snoring!

She's a toddler now and sleeps right through. We tried to do the whole thing 'gently' rather than sticking to rules from a book.

And don't forget to factor in each child will be different- my eldest becomes hysterical if it is too dark, the other one doesn't care. The oldest has music to sleep to, the youngest hates it and insists on silence.

I wish you all the very best- it certainly is a tricky problem.

I agree with not leaving a baby to cry. They cry for a reason, even if it seeking comfort. I work with children, I love 'saber tooth tiger and teddy bears'. It's an attachment theory. Basically the quicker the mother responds when the baby is upset the baby will learn that the mother will come to them. Leaving a baby, yes they'll stop crying because they know no-one will come but their anxiety levels will be increased. It goes on through the years about independence. A great read. As Kaye said, everyone has different theory's.

olgadapolga

I've got four children. With the first, we did everything "by the book" (before it was rewritten). We learned the hard way.

By the time we had the last one, we changed everything and did it OUR way. She was breastfed on demand, comforted when she cried. We were very much of the opinion by that point that if a baby cries, then s/he needs something. Babies need cuddles as well.

During the day, I would feed the baby and then cover her in a blanket as she usually fell asleep at the end of a feed. The blanket ensured that she did not get cold and did not feel the coldness of her cot/pram - we discovered that putting a baby into a cold pram/cot was a sure-fire way of waking them up.

At night, we co-slept. The baby would feed and be popped between the two of us at the top of the bed, away from the duvet. She did have a blanket over her. It was so so much easier this way, baby would wake, be fed, and would settle down again straight away, rather than fighting to get her back into a cot.

She slept with us until she was starting to become really mobile (so about six months in total). By that point she no longer had any night feeds and she settled into her cot really well. She is now three and a half and has never been difficult to settle - she knows what bedtime is and goes straight to sleep. The only time we worry that she may be problematic is when she's not well and we are usually proven wrong.

I didn't really care what the midwife/health visitor said about it - obviously they have to go with the current recommendations and that's fine. We researched it carefully before co-sleeping and went with our gut instincts about it. There's lots of information online about co-sleeping and only YOU can make a decision based upon this information about YOUR circumstances which are unique to you. The main thing is keeping your baby safe.

GwylimT

We co-slept, so no advice I'm afraid.

Glad to hear the little one is doing well.

Beans27

Thanks so much everyone for all your advice - there are some great tips there I've not heard before - what a great idea of actually wearing the blanket so it smells of you!!

I've got the cot next to the bed with the side off - so it is similar to that co sleep cot. I really like the idea of propping the in the middle - might be we just embrAce the co sleeping and stop fretting about it 'spoiling him'. I like my space which is why I wasn't keen but actually, we all get more sleep if he's not crying in the middle of the night.

One friend said to me about just let him cry it out in his own room....definitely not up for that, like someone said above they are crying for a reason.

12 weeks has flow by so I suppose it won't feel long at all until he's bigger and I'm trying to make him come for a cuddle!!!

Pigpen, 11 kids?!! You must be a pro!!!