So alone in life

vintagegal

Hi Totallyscaredoflife.
Well done to you for posting. I know how it feels to be in a relationship but wondering how you can feel so lonely. I too racked up some debt, probably trying somehow to get his attention, even if it was for the wrong reasons. Because any attention is better than none, right?
You will see if you look at the Crazy Clothes Challenge 2016 that I have been through a break up this year that has left me a bit of a mess.
Please keep posting and we will be here for you. What are the chances he would look at this site and trail through the forums? Probably non existent.
Keep smiling and make sure you value yourself - none of us are defined by debt.

Smodlet

And even if he did, how would he know this was you? You think you are the only person in this situation, hun? You are not. So glad I am not one of them. Doesn't mean I don't know how you feel, life moves on, blips happen. If they turn into (what's bigger than blips, y'all? Loss of service?) life moves on and so do you but something tells me that is far down the line for you... only you know.

Personally, I cannot type when someone is breathing down my neck, no matter who it is or what I'm writing; nothing to do with "guilt", it is just the distraction. Can you not tell him you need a bit of space and that you will be with him in ten minutes? If he does not respect that, I think I may have an inkling as to what debt is the symptom of. If I am barking up the wrong tree, I apologise, and for any offence; none is intended.

Poor_Single_lady

Hello. I just wanted to say Please do come and join us on the debt free diary page. It really helps to get everything out. You are not alone and we cant intervene in your life but we can be here online for you holding your hand through the internet and helping where and if we can. Xxxx

kerri_gt

I didn't want to read and run as you sound lonely - some good advise from peeps already, you're not alone on here that's for sure. There's some really lovely folk, who, no matter what their situation, always have a supportive word and a shoulder for others. Right now it seems you just need a hug...so here's a dodgy group MSE one to hopefully make you smile :grouphug:

dancingfairy

Hi, I hope you're able to get back on at some point and see all the replies. There will be help and support whenever you come back.
Don't forget you can always call national debtline or stepchange to talk things through.
Df

Totallyscaredoflife

Oh wow I am reading through all your replies, I am so overwhelmed and grateful I truly am, I have tears in my eyes. Husband is still around so need to be careful but will reply and update with more of my story when I get a chance. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

StokieBecks

All I can say is keep your head up. There are lots of wonderful people on here and we will all try our best to help you out with whatever questions or worries you may have. We may not have the answers but we will always try to support and encourage and point you somewhere who may be able to help.

Totallyscaredoflife

I seem to have lost the post I wrote earlier, so sorry if it appears again but I am so overwhelmed by all the replies and am so grateful for all of your caring. I need to finish my 'story' and many of you have highlighted some things which have got my thinking. Off out shopping with the husband which always terrifies me especially when it's to buy birthday or Christmas presents. Birthday it is this time. I would much prefer to do on my own but he is adamant he wants to come. Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart and hopefully I can get back on later when he is engrossed on the Xbox providing I can get him to sit in front of me on the floor. I'm not perfect but I have really come to the end of the road of these feelings. I'm fed up of it always being me.

Smodlet

Now I am really worried for you. Not going to jump to conclusions, though. Just remember, we are here and, between us, know some !!!!.

Totallyscaredoflife

I have been reading through and want to reply to you all individually but will do this after I have posted the next bit. I can honestly say I thank you all for your kind words. Please don't be worried too much. But it's lovely having people worry, I don't have that feeling that someone cares.

Well I have debt, there's about £7000 I reckon, it's all over the place, some is on a dmp with Stepchange. And then there's catalogues, items of jewellery I pawned, credit card, overdraft. I have been stupid I reAlly have and I regret it but this is why I am where I am.

Husband hasn't always been on great money. I was on a full time wage but then went part time as baby 1 was born. I then had a pay cut due to recession grateful I kept my job but meant more money lost. I don't wear anything other than Primark or charity shops and yes I hoard but to be honest I don't spend much on me have just made some really silly choices. Husband on the other hand spends... He got into keep fit few years back had a personal trainer, found protein shakes and food and then on top of his Xbox games and overspending on kids toys and lavish healthy food, I couldn't keep up with it all and ended up spending on his credit cards without him knowing. Stupid and ashamed, but I can't really talk to him about anything as he thinks that because he works and earns ok money he can spend what he wants but what he doesn't realise is its expensive to live and where he won't eat cheap meals and leaves it all down to me I got us in debt. He found out, hit the roof we spoke about it and then started dealing with it. He was really good with his spending for ages then got a new job better paid and it started again! He remortgaged as is his house on his new wage and cleared his debt! Spending is back in full swing and we r back to square one! Im still managing the finances with the sick feeling inside because yet again I can't talk to him because it's me who does the spending. Now I know I am probably rambling on not making any sense but I just want to get it out. I have tried saying no to him, tried getting him to understand that we need to cut back in order to do the things we want without getting into debt ( he knows about my debt but well said that we would tackle it but when he cleared his didn't think of taking more out to help me even though there is 60 grand equity in property) instead all my wages go on the small bills and childcare. I have missed a few payments recently as we have booked a holiday next year and are meant to be cutting back which he was all for but he is out of control but thinks he can afford to buy and do what he wants. I'm sick of it. I want a nice house, and I want to make memories. I want stability and not a sick feeling every time I think of money. I want to be able to speak to my husband and not be scared that I'm going to get blamed. Any arguments I get blamed. Everything is my fault! Everything! He does no wrong! He can't see how I feel about things and talking to him about stressful things just does not work. On the whole our relationship is good our family is good but anything to do with money organisation of the house or my weight is an issue and no go area as he is always right.